DateableWhat to say when someone asks for intimate photos
Say no plainly and move on: you do not need to explain. Once shared, sexual photos can be used for threats and extortion.
Say no plainly and move on. You do not need to explain, apologise or soften the answer. Once an intimate photo leaves your device, you cannot control what happens to it.
Why requests like this are a red flag
Requests for intimate photos come early and often on dating apps. Some come from people looking for a quick thrill. Others come from people testing whether you will do what they ask, which tells them you can be pushed further.
Scammers use requests for intimate photos as part of a pattern. They build trust through romance or friendship, then ask for photos, money, or help with something illegal. [Scamwatch lists requests for intimate photos as a warning sign]1. You are not the first person they asked, and you will not be the last.
A genuine person who wants to meet you does not need intimate photos first. They want to know you. They want to see if the two of you connect in person. Someone who pushes for photos before meeting is not interested in a relationship: they are interested in what they can get from you.
Once shared, the photo is out of your hands
[Once shared, an intimate photo can never be completely deleted and may be used for threats or extortion]2. It can be screenshot, copied, shared with others, or saved to a folder you cannot reach. The person who asks for it is not the only one who might see it.
Some people who receive intimate photos keep them, share them with friends, or hold on to them in case they want to use them as leverage later. That is not your problem to manage. It is theirs to be told no.
Even people with good intentions can be careless. A phone stolen, a cloud account hacked, or a shared device mean your photo spreads without the person who asked for it doing anything. The risk is yours. The responsibility to protect yourself comes before their desire to see you.
What to say to a first request
A first request might come casually, like a suggestion disguised as flirtation. Say no plainly:
I don't send photos like that.
That is the whole answer. Do not add reasons. Do not say "not yet" or "maybe once I know you better". Do not offer an alternative like a revealing but non-explicit photo. Those answers invite negotiation.
If the person seems to take it well and the conversation moves on, stay alert. Some people ask again later to see if your boundary has shifted. It has not. If they ask again, you can repeat the same line or simply move on from the conversation.
What to say to a second or pushy request
If someone asks a second time, or pushes harder, they have chosen to ignore your first answer. This person is not interested in what you want. You owe them nothing further.
I already said I don't send photos like that. I'm not going to change my mind.
After this answer, do not engage with requests about it. Block and report is the next step. A person who will not accept no is not someone you will have a good experience with.
If they threaten
Threats are the jump from annoying to dangerous. If someone threatens to share photos you have sent, or to create fake ones, do not pay them money or send more photos. Neither will make them stop. [Do not send any money: if you pay, the scammers come back for more]3.
Threats to share intimate images are a crime. [Block the person, report the account to the platform, and contact WA ScamNet (1300 30 40 54) or Crime Stoppers (1800 333 000)]3. If you are outside Australia, your police service has an equivalent reporting line.
Keep your boundaries clear
Your profile and your early messages are the place to make your boundaries clear. You do not have to mention photos directly. But if someone reads your profile and sees that you do not tolerate pressure around physical intimacy, they are more likely to leave you alone.
[Set boundaries in your profile][@/guides/set-boundaries/]. Make it clear what you are on the app to do, and what you are not. Someone who wants photos will not message you. Someone who respects your terms might.
Report and move on
Dateable makes it easy to report and block anyone who asks for intimate photos. A report reaches a real person, not an algorithm. [Report and block from any profile, message or listing, and move on][@/guides/report-and-block/]. Do not explain yourself to the person. Do not try to educate them. Block, report, and find someone else.
If the request felt threatening, or if you are worried about photos you have sent, reach out to someone you trust. A counsellor or a helpline can help you think through what happened and what to do next. [Read more about safety on dating apps][@/sugar-dating-safety/].
Sources
- Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Relationship scams.
- Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
- Government of Western Australia, Consumer Protection and WA Police (2024). Alarm at young adults and teenagers caught up in 'sextortion' scams.
