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Sugar dating safety and scams: the complete guide

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Every sugar dating scam, how it works and how to stop it, plus verifying a date, privacy, first meetings, travel, consent and where to report by country.

42 minute readUpdated 2026-09-30

Sugar dating safety means two things: keeping your money and identity away from scammers, and keeping yourself safe with the real people you meet. Sugar dating is dating where both people say at the start what each hopes to give and get, often time and attention on one side and gifts, experiences or an allowance on the other. The complete guide to sugar dating explains how it works. This page is about what goes wrong and how to stop it.

It covers every common scam, step by step, with the defence for each: the fake cheque, the overpayment, the verification fee, gift cards, bank logins, crypto, blackmail and sextortion, and fake sugar daddies on social media. Then it covers checking a person is real, setting up your privacy, the first meeting, travel, consent and pressure, image-based abuse and where to report it in Australia, the UK, the US, Canada and New Zealand, and what to do after something goes wrong. It ends with a checklist you can print.

It is written for both sides of the table. The member who provides is targeted as often as the member who is courted, just by different scams.

The ten rules that stop most harm

Most harm in online dating follows a small number of patterns, so a small number of rules blocks most of it. Government scam and safety bodies in five countries give the same core advice, and it fits on one screen.

1. Never send money, gift cards or crypto to someone you have not met in person. Every national scam body says this first ^{1 2 3}.
2. Never pay to receive money. A real allowance never needs a fee, a deposit, a tax or a proof of loyalty payment first ⁴.
3. Never send money back from a deposit or cheque. Money in your account is not proof the payment is good ⁵.
4. Never share a bank login, a one-time code or your card PIN. Nobody needs them to pay you.
5. Never move money for someone else. Receiving and forwarding money for a person you have not met can make you part of a crime ⁶.
6. Stay on the dating platform until you have met. Pressure to move to WhatsApp or another app early is a warning sign ¹.
7. Video call before you meet. A camera that never works is a sign the person is not who they claim ⁷.
8. Keep your surname, address and workplace private until you trust someone ⁸.
9. Meet in public, get there and home on your own, and tell a friend where you are ⁹.
10. If anyone threatens to share an image of you, do not pay. Stop contact, keep the evidence and report it ¹⁰.

Each rule has a reason, and the sections below give it. The reasons matter because scammers are good at making an exception feel reasonable: a fee that is only small, a code that is only for verification, a transfer that is only a favour. If you know how each scam works, the exception looks like what it is.

Two more habits sit under all ten. Talk to someone you trust before you do anything with money, because scammers work hardest to keep you from doing that ³. And slow down. Almost every scam on this page depends on urgency. A real person who likes you will still be there tomorrow.

If you are still deciding whether this kind of dating suits you at all, is sugar dating for me? is an honest self-check for both sides.

Why sugar dating attracts scammers

Sugar dating attracts scammers because money is on the table from the first message. In ordinary dating, a stranger who talks about paying your bills sounds strange. In sugar dating it sounds like the point. That gives a scammer a cover story no romance scammer elsewhere gets for free.

Romance scams are large and growing. Australians reported $139.9 million lost to romance scams in 2025, after $156.8 million in 2024 ¹¹. In the United States, nearly 70,000 people reported a romance scam to the Federal Trade Commission in 2022, with $1.3 billion lost and a median loss of $4,400 ¹². Imposter scams, the wider family romance scams belong to, were the most reported fraud in the US in 2025, with more than 1 million reports and more than $3.5 billion lost ¹³.

How much of this happens in sugar dating is a different question, and nobody has measured it. Scam bodies count romance scams as one category. WA ScamNet is one of the few to track the sugar baby scam by name, and it lists only five victim reports since November 2021, totalling $2,037.90 ⁴. That figure almost certainly undercounts. Researchers who study romance scams have long said victims need better ways to report and need to feel more comfortable doing so ¹⁴, and shame keeps many people silent. Treat any page that gives you a precise sugar scam statistic with suspicion.

Two sides, two sets of scams

The scams split along the table. The member who is courted, often called the sugar baby, is offered money that never arrives and is asked to pay something first. The member who provides, often called the sugar daddy or sugar mommy, is asked for money by someone who never meets, or is blackmailed with images or with the threat of telling a partner or employer. Both get the crypto pitch.

Why smart people fall for it

Losing money to a scam is not a sign of stupidity. Scammers groom a target before asking for anything, then move through stages designed to keep the target in ¹⁵. A study of 853 online daters and 397 people from a victim support site found that people who scored high on romantic idealisation were more likely to be victims, and that people who were fooled but lost no money still reported real distress ¹⁶. Money trouble adds pressure. The sugar baby scam, as WA ScamNet describes it, opens with an offer to pay off the target's bills or debts ⁴, which lands hardest on someone who needs it. That is one reason sugar dating as a university student needs extra care.

The ten signs of a scam guide lists the opening messages to watch for. The sections below take each scam in turn.

The fake allowance: cheques, overpayments and deposits

The fake allowance is the classic sugar scam: money appears in your account, then the scammer asks you to send some of it on, and later the original payment vanishes. You lose whatever you sent, and the bank can hold you responsible for the amount that bounced.

How it works

1. A generous stranger offers a weekly or monthly allowance, often quickly and often large, sometimes before you have even talked about meeting.
2. They send a cheque, or a deposit appears in your account, often for more than the agreed amount.
3. A reason arrives to send part of it back or on: they overpaid by mistake, a charity needs a donation, their assistant needs paying, or you should buy gift cards to prove you are trustworthy.
4. You send the money, by bank transfer, gift card codes, a payment app or crypto.
5. Days or weeks later the original cheque or deposit is reversed. The money you sent is gone.

The US Federal Trade Commission describes the same pattern for fake cheques in general: someone asks you to deposit a cheque, often for more than they owe, then asks you to send some of the money back ⁵. WA ScamNet describes the sugar version: a scammer deposits a large sum, claims it was an error, and asks for it back as Apple, Google Play or Steam gift card codes. The deposit came from fraudulent accounts, so it disappears and the victim is left in debt ⁴.

Why the money looks real

The trick works because banks make deposited funds available before they know the payment is good. In the US, the law requires banks to make deposited funds available quickly, so money showing in your account does not mean the cheque has cleared, and a fake cheque can take weeks to be discovered ⁵. The same gap exists anywhere a payment can be reversed. The balance on your screen is not a promise.

The defence

• A real allowance goes one way. Nothing about it ever requires you to send money back.
• Be wary of any allowance offered before you have met. Serious people usually want to meet first, as you should.
• Do not accept cheques from people you have met online.
• If a payment arrives that you did not expect, leave it alone and tell your bank.
• If they push, end it. You can say:

I don't send money back or buy gift cards for anyone. If there's been a mistake, ask your bank to reverse it.

A real generous member will not be offended by that sentence. A scammer will argue, get angry or disappear. Each of those tells you what you need to know. For how real allowance conversations go, including when to raise it and what a fair answer sounds like, see how to talk about an allowance.

For the generous side

The provider has a mirror risk: being asked to fund someone before meeting. The request is usually a plane ticket, a visa fee or a medical emergency ². The rule is the same. Pay for things once you have met, in person, and pay for experiences you share. Book the flight yourself in their name, rather than sending money for one. Keep a simple record of what you give and when; money, gifts and keeping records shows how.

Verification fees, loyalty fees and gift cards

A fee scam asks you to pay a small amount now to receive a large amount later. It is advance fee fraud dressed up for sugar dating, and the large amount never comes. The fee is the whole scam.

The names it goes by

The fee changes its name to sound official. WA ScamNet records scammers asking for a small payment as proof of loyalty, payment fees or other costs before the promised money is sent; once the victim pays, the scammer disappears ⁴. Other versions you may see:

• A verification fee to prove you are not a scammer yourself.
• An activation or unlock fee for a payment account.
• A transfer tax or a clearance fee to release the allowance.
• A membership fee for a private sugar club the scammer runs.
• Gift cards as proof you are serious, or as a small first gift from you to show good faith.

Sometimes the second fee is bigger than the first. Having paid once, you are told something went wrong and one more payment will fix it. Researchers call this pull a near-win effect: each payment feels like it brings the reward closer, which helps explain why people keep paying and why some are scammed again ¹⁵.

Why gift cards

Scammers love gift cards because a card number and PIN work like cash and are hard to trace or recover. The FTC is blunt: no real business or government agency will ever tell you to buy a gift card to pay them. Scammers create urgency, tell you which cards to buy and where, then ask for the number and PIN, and people pretending to be dating contacts are among them ¹⁷. Gift cards were the most often reported payment method in US romance scams in 2022, at 24% of reports, although crypto and bank wires made up more than 60% of the money lost ¹².

How real verification works

Real verification happens inside the platform and never goes through another member. On Dateable, verification is a live selfie holding a pose the app picks at random, compared by a reviewer with the profile photos; the badge shows the month it was done. It confirms the person matches their photos. It is not an identity or age document check. The get verified guide walks through it. A member who asks you to verify through a link they send, or to pay them to verify, is not using the platform's system.

If you already paid

1. Stop paying. Nothing you pay next will bring the first payment back.
2. If you paid with a gift card, contact the gift card company straight away, and keep the card and the receipt ¹⁷.
3. If you paid by transfer or card, call your bank now.
4. Report the profile to the platform and the scam to your national body (see where to report, below).
5. Expect a follow-up offer to recover your money. That is a second scam ¹⁸.

Bank logins, money mules and account takeover

Some scammers want your accounts, not your money. With your bank login they can use your account to move stolen money, and with your phone number or email they can lock you out of your own life. The pitch is always that they need access to pay you.

The bank login ask

It sounds like this: to send your allowance, they need your online banking username and password, or they will send a code to your phone and need you to read it back. WA ScamNet lists requests for banking details as a red flag of the sugar baby scam ⁴. There is no version of this that is safe. To pay you, a person needs at most the account name and number or a payment ID you choose to share. Never a password, a PIN or a one-time code.

You don't need my login to pay me. If you want to send something, use the account name and number. Otherwise we'll leave it.

Money mules

A money mule is someone who, at another person's direction, receives and moves money obtained through fraud or other crime. Romance scam victims are sometimes persuaded to share account details or move money for the scammer, and moving money for illegal activity can lead to civil and criminal charges ⁶. New Zealand's consumer regulator warns that romance scammers may ask you to handle accounts for them, and that money mule scams ask you to receive and move money or goods that are the proceeds of crime ¹⁹.

In a sugar setting it can be dressed as trust: a generous member sends you a large sum, lets you keep some as your allowance, and asks you to forward the rest to a friend, a business or a crypto wallet. Canada's Anti-Fraud Centre lists being asked to receive money for someone as a mark of relationship fraud ²⁰. The money is stolen. You become the last visible link in the chain, and that is who investigators and banks find first.

Account and phone takeover

Scammers who get into your accounts can change your passwords and lock you out. By porting your mobile number to their own device, they can intercept bank SMS codes and one-time PINs. Warning signs include being suddenly unable to log in and unexpected contact from your phone provider about your number ²¹. Small personal details you share in a chat, such as a birthday or a pet's name, are the answers to common security questions, which is why Canada's Get Cyber Safe tells online daters to use strong passwords and multi-factor authentication ²².

The defence

• Turn on multi-factor authentication for email, banking and social media, and use strong, different passwords ²¹.
• Use an authenticator app rather than SMS codes where your bank allows it, so a stolen phone number is not enough.
• Ask your mobile provider whether you can add a PIN or password to your account before any number transfer.
• Never read a code aloud or forward it. A code sent to you is for you.
• If you lose access, call your bank, change passwords, and in Australia or New Zealand contact IDCARE on 1800 595 160 ^{21 23}.

Crypto and investment mentoring

The crypto scam is the most expensive on this page, and it targets both sides. A wealthy, charming match offers to teach you how they made their money, you invest a little on a platform they recommend, the numbers climb, and when you try to take the money out it is gone. In sugar dating, where mentoring is part of what some generous members offer, the pitch can feel natural.

How it works

1. A match builds rapport, often for weeks, and moves the chat to WhatsApp or WeChat.
2. They mention, casually, how well their investments are doing, and offer to show you.
3. You invest a small amount on an app or website they name. It shows a quick profit.
4. They may let you withdraw a small amount, to prove it is real.
5. You invest more. When you try to withdraw it, there is a fee, a tax, or a locked account. The match disappears.

Scamwatch describes exactly this: fake dating profiles, a move to WhatsApp or WeChat, trust, then an investment promising quick profits; you are encouraged to invest a little, then more, and when you try to withdraw or stop, the scammer disappears and the platform locks you out ²⁴. Canada's Anti-Fraud Centre calls the combination of romance and investment fraud pig butchering, and notes the scammer may let you withdraw small amounts before pushing for larger ones ²⁰.

The losses are large. Crypto and bank wires made up more than 60% of reported US romance scam losses in 2022 ¹². In 2025, investment scams accounted for $1.1 billion of the money Americans lost to scams that began on social media ²⁵.

Real mentoring versus the pitch

Real mentoring exists in sugar dating. It sounds like career advice, introductions and help with a business plan, and none of it asks you to move money anywhere. The pitch always ends at a platform or wallet you must fund.

A simple reply ends it without argument:

I keep my money and my dating separate. Tell me about something else you love.

If you have already invested, stop sending money, contact your bank, contact IDCARE if you are in Australia or New Zealand, and report to Scamwatch and ReportCyber ²⁴. Outside Australia, see where to report, below.

Blackmail and sextortion

Sextortion is blackmail: someone threatens to share an intimate image of you unless you pay. It is a serious crime and should be reported to police ²⁶. The rule that protects you is counter-intuitive and firm: do not pay. Paying does not end it. The blackmailer comes back for more ²⁷.

How it starts

Sextortion scammers work through dating sites, social media and gaming apps. Some trick people into sharing nudes, some record a video call without saying so, and some falsely claim to have images they do not have ²⁶. Western Australian police and consumer protection officials warn that adults are also approached this way on dating websites and apps, not only teenagers ²⁷. New Zealand's consumer regulator describes extortion scams that claim to hold intimate images or video and threaten to send them to your contacts ¹⁹.

It has grown fast. The FTC reported that threats to share explicit photos rose more than eightfold between 2019 and 2022, and that people aged 18 to 29 reported them at six times the rate of older adults ¹².

The sugar dating version

Sugar dating adds a second lever: discretion. Many generous members are private about dating this way, and some are married or well known. A blackmailer may threaten to tell a partner, an employer or a family, with or without images. The threat works the same way and the answer is the same. Either side can be a target. The member who is courted may be threatened with exposure to family or a university; the member who provides may be threatened with exposure to a spouse or a board.

Why not paying works

It feels safer to pay and make it go away. The evidence from officials is that it does not go away: scammers keep demanding more ²⁶. Nobody has measured how often threats are carried out, so no one can promise you they will not be. What officials agree on is that paying does not buy safety, and reporting gives you tools, such as removal, that paying never does.

Prevention

• Do not send intimate images to someone you have not met and come to trust. Once shared, they can never be completely deleted and may be used for threats ⁹.
• If you do share images with a partner, leave out your face, tattoos and anything in the room that identifies you or where you live.
• Assume any video call can be recorded.
• Use a site's private album with access you can grant and revoke per person, rather than sending files. See private photos and who sees them.
• Be wary of anyone who pushes for intimate photos early. Scamwatch lists requests for intimate photos as a warning sign of a relationship scam ¹.

If images have already been shared, StopNCII.org lets an adult create a digital fingerprint of an intimate image on their own device, so participating platforms can find and block it without the image ever leaving your phone ²⁸. More on removal and the law is in the image-based abuse section below.

Fake sugar daddies on social media, and fake sugar babies

Most sugar scams now start on social media, not dating sites. A stranger comments on your post or sends a message request offering to spoil you, pay your rent or send a weekly allowance with no strings. That offer is almost always the opening of one of the scams above.

The numbers show the shift. In 2022, 40% of Americans who lost money to a romance scam said it began on social media, and 19% said it began on a dating site or app ¹². By 2025, nearly 60% said it began on social media ²⁵. Scams that started on social media cost Americans $2.1 billion in 2025, eight times more than in 2020 ²⁵.

Signs of a fake sugar daddy or sugar mommy

• They contact you first, out of nowhere, with an offer of money before any real conversation.
• The offer is large, weekly, and asks little or nothing in return.
• They want to pay your debts. WA ScamNet names an offer to pay off debts as a red flag ⁴.
• The account is new, with few posts or followers, or the photos look like a catalogue ²².
• They cannot meet: they work on an oil rig, on a military base or overseas. These are the most common excuses reported to the FTC ¹².
• They cannot video call, or the camera is always broken ²².
• They ask for your bank details, a fee, gift cards or intimate photos.

Fake sugar babies

The generous side is targeted too, and pages about sugar scams rarely say so. A fake attractive member builds warmth quickly, then has an emergency: rent due tomorrow, a sick parent, a phone that broke, a flight home that needs paying. Scammers ask for money for medical emergencies, plane tickets and visa fees ². Some profiles use stolen photos of real people. Some are a front for sextortion. The UK's Stop! Think Fraud campaign lists signs that apply here: pressure to keep the relationship secret, many questions but little revealed, and time-pressured requests for money ³.

The defence, both sides

1. Keep sugar dating on a platform built for it, where profiles are reviewed and members can be verified, rather than in social media message requests.
2. Run a reverse image search on their photos ^{1 29}.
3. Search their name and username to see whether the details match across platforms ²².
4. Ask for a short video call before anything else. A real person can manage five minutes.
5. Meet before any money moves in either direction.

The guides for each side go further: the generous member's guide and the attractive member's guide, plus how to be a good sugar daddy, how to be a good sugar mommy, how to be a sugar baby and the male sugar baby's guide.

How to verify someone is real

To verify someone, check three things before you meet: that the face matches the photos, that the story holds together, and that the person behaves like someone with nothing to hide. A live video call does most of the work. Anyone can pretend to be someone else online and post information that is not true ⁸, so treat a profile as a claim until you have checked it.

Step by step

1. Check the badge. On a site with photo verification, look for it and its date. On Dateable the badge confirms the member matched their photos in a live selfie check, and shows the month.
2. Reverse image search the photos. Scam bodies in Australia, the UK and New Zealand all recommend it ^{1 3 29}. If the photos belong to a model, an influencer or someone with a different name, stop.
3. Search the name and username. Do the details match across platforms? A new account with few posts or friends is a warning ²².
4. Ask specific questions. Where they grew up, what their work involves, what they did last weekend ²². Real people answer with small, dull, specific detail. Scammers deflect or give a script.
5. Video call. Video chat to check they match who they say they are ⁹. A camera that never works is a sign of a catfish ⁷.
6. Watch the pace. Strong feelings declared quickly and pressure to leave the platform are warning signs ¹.
7. Screenshot the profile and messages before you meet, so you have a record if you need one ⁷.

What a verification badge does and does not prove

Should you ask for ID?

Some sugar dating advice tells the courted member to ask a generous member for a photo of their driver licence, on the grounds that a real person will not mind. Opinions differ, and there is a real trade-off. Seeing a full name lets you search for news, court records or a professional profile. But a licence also shows an address and date of birth, which are exactly the details police and health services tell daters to protect ^{9 8}, and a demand for your ID in return can be the start of identity theft. Nobody has measured whether swapping ID makes dates safer.

A middle path works for most people: exchange first names and one verifiable detail, such as a work profile, then swap full names once you have met and feel comfortable. If someone insists on your ID, your address or your date of birth before a first date, treat it as a warning. Scamwatch lists requests for ID documents as a sign of a relationship scam ¹.

I'm happy to video call and meet somewhere public. Surnames and details can come once we've met.

Verification cuts risk. It never removes it. Among US women under 50 who have used dating apps, 43% said someone kept contacting them after they said no, and 11% had been threatened with physical harm ³⁰. Verified people can still behave badly. The first meeting still needs its own care.

Your privacy set-up

A good privacy set-up means a stranger who knows only your profile cannot find your home, your workplace, your family or your other accounts. It takes about an hour, once, and it protects you from nearly every risk on this page. Discretion matters on both sides of sugar dating, so it is worth doing well.

There is evidence that it matters. A survey of 9,987 Australian dating app and website users found that people who shared more information, and who chatted with people across different platforms, were more likely to report dating app facilitated sexual violence ³¹. The study shows an association, not proof that sharing causes harm, but the direction is clear enough to act on.

The one-hour set-up

1. A separate email for dating, with no surname in the address.
2. A separate number or app for calls and texts once you leave the platform, so your main number, which links to your bank and your accounts, stays private.
3. A first name only on your profile, or a name you are known by that does not lead to your surname.
4. Photos nobody can trace. Use pictures that do not appear on your social media, so a reverse image search does not lead to you. Leave out your street, your car, your workplace, your university and landmarks near home. How to choose your photos covers the rest.
5. Strip location data. Photos can carry the place they were taken. Dateable strips this data on upload; other apps and messaging services may not, so check before you send a file.
6. Lock down social media. Make accounts private, hide your friends list, and remove your workplace and home suburb.
7. Location services off for apps that do not need them, and share location with as few apps as possible ³².
8. A PIN on your phone ³² and multi-factor authentication on email and banking ²¹.
9. Separate payments. If you receive gifts or an allowance, a payment ID or account that does not show your full legal name or address keeps that detail back until you choose to share it.

What to keep private, and until when

Keep your surname, home address and workplace to yourself until you trust the person ⁸. Western Australia's Sexual Assault Resource Centre adds your date of birth, family names and the places you go regularly ⁹. That list is a good default for both sides. The generous member who is private about dating this way has the same interest in keeping an employer, a family or a spouse's name out of chats as anyone does in keeping a home address out.

Extra care if being outed would harm you

For some people, being seen on a sugar dating site carries real risk: people who are not out as gay, bisexual or trans, people in conservative families or workplaces, and people in public roles. Image-based abuse falls disproportionately on gay and bisexual people, among others ³³. Use every step above, keep your face out of public photos and share it in a private album instead, and read LGBTQ+ sugar dating for what differs. The protect your privacy guide goes step by step through each setting.

The first meeting

A safe first meeting is public, short, planned, and on your own terms for getting there and leaving. Meet somewhere busy, tell a friend, bring your own transport, and never go to either person's home or a hotel room on a first date. Police and sexual assault services in Australia and New Zealand give almost identical advice ^{9 34 8}.

This matters. Victoria Police says reports of people sexually assaulted after meeting in person someone they first met online have increased ³⁴. None of that is the fault of the person assaulted. The steps below reduce risk; they are not a test you can fail.

Before

1. Video call first ⁹.
2. Choose the venue yourself, or agree one you know: a hotel bar, not the room; a busy restaurant, not a quiet apartment. A place with lots of people around, ideally in daylight for the first meeting ³⁴.
3. Set a length. Drinks for an hour, or lunch. You can always extend a good date; ending a long one early is harder.
4. Tell a trusted person who, when and where, and when you expect to be home ⁹. Send them the profile screenshot.
5. Share your location with that friend for the evening ³⁴.
6. Charge your phone and plan your way home ⁸.
7. Agree a check-in: a text at a set time, and a word that means call me with an excuse.

If they change the place at the last minute to somewhere you do not know, cancel ⁹. A reasonable person will rearrange.

During

• Take your own transport so you control when you leave ⁹.
• Keep sight of your drink. Do not keep drinking one you left unattended ⁹. It is impossible to tell whether a drink has been spiked without testing ³⁵.
• Drink less than you usually would. You want your judgement at full strength.
• Keep your phone and your bag with you.
• It is fine to cut the date short if it does not feel right ⁸. You owe nobody an explanation.
• In the UK, many venues take part in Ask for Angela: ask staff for Angela, and trained staff can get you a taxi, a safe space, or call security or police ³⁶.

After

• Text your friend when you are home ⁹.
• Do not go on to their place or a hotel on a first date ⁹.
• Note how they treated staff, how they handled a no to anything small, and whether the person matched the profile. Those are the most honest signals you get.
• If something felt wrong, report it on the platform, even if nothing happened.

Who pays, and what it means

In sugar dating, the generous member often pays for the date. Paying for dinner buys dinner. You do not owe your date anything, and you do not have to have sex with them even if they pay for your meal or drinks ⁹. That is true on a first date and on the fiftieth. The consent section below goes further.

For planning the date itself, venue, day, time and who books, see how to plan a first date; for a one-page version to keep on your phone, the first date safety checklist. Meetings arranged through the Board follow the same rules; accepting, confirming and cancelling covers the steps there.

Travel and overnight trips

Travel is where sugar dating is most generous and where you have least control. A weekend away or a trip overseas takes you away from your friends, your transport and sometimes your language and your legal system. The rule that keeps you safe: never travel with someone you have not already met several times at home, and always hold your own way back.

Before you agree to a trip

• Meet at home first, more than once, in public.
• Agree the plan in writing: where you are staying, whether you have your own room, how long, and what happens if either of you wants to leave early.
• Agree that the invitation is not a contract for anything else. A gift of travel buys a trip. It does not buy consent ³⁷.
• Tell a trusted person the full itinerary: flights, hotel names and addresses, and the name of the person you are with.

Hold your own way home

1. Your own return ticket, or a flexible ticket booked in your name that you can change without the other person.
2. Your own money, enough to pay for a hotel night and a flight home, on a card in your name. Keep backup access to money for unexpected costs ³⁸.
3. Your own passport, kept by you, never handed over for safekeeping.
4. Travel insurance that covers where you are going, how long, and what you will do ³⁸.
5. Emergency contacts filled in on your passport, and another form of photo ID ³⁸.
6. Backup copies of your booking, flight and insurance details you can reach without the other person's phone ³⁸.
7. Your embassy or consulate noted for the country you visit ³⁸.

Travel scams

Travel is also a favourite cover story for scammers. A match you have never met offers to fly you to them, then needs money for a visa, a ticket or a fee first. Or they are always about to fly to you, but a crisis keeps getting in the way. Scammers use plane tickets and visa fees as reasons to ask for money, and claim they cannot meet because they work abroad or travel ². A real trip is paid for by the person inviting, booked in your name, and happens after you have met.

On the trip

• Check in with your friend daily at an agreed time.
• Keep your phone charged and roaming turned on, or buy a local SIM.
• Know the local emergency number before you land.
• Be alert to spiked drinks abroad, as at home ³⁸.
• If a separate room was agreed, it stays agreed. You can leave at any time.

For fly-in dates, trips and online-only arrangements, long-distance and travel arrangements goes into more detail.

Consent, pressure and "you owe me"

Consent means knowingly and freely agreeing to sexual activity, and you can withdraw it at any time, even after something has started ³⁷. Gifts, dinners, trips and an allowance do not change that. Nothing anyone gives you buys a yes, and nothing you accepted last week obliges you this week.

What consent is

Health services and lawmakers in several countries describe consent the same way:

• Freely given, without pressure, coercion or threats ³⁹.
• Needed every time, including in an ongoing relationship ³⁷.
• Specific: consent to one activity, one time, is not consent to any other ³⁹. When the activity changes, consent is needed for the new one ⁴⁰.
• Impossible if someone is asleep, unconscious, or so affected by alcohol or drugs they cannot choose ⁴¹.
• Never assumed from silence. You cannot assume someone consents because they do not say no ⁴⁰.

Several Australian states now have affirmative consent laws: New South Wales from 1 June 2022 ⁴¹ and Queensland from 23 September 2024, where each person must say or do something to check, and consent must be communicated back ⁴⁰. Canadian law says there is no consent where it is obtained by abuse of trust, power or authority ⁴². That last point is worth sitting with in sugar dating, where one person often holds more money.

Pressure in a sugar arrangement

The specific risk in sugar dating is the idea of a debt. It can come from either side, and it rarely sounds like a threat. It sounds like disappointment.

Healthdirect names controlling your money, decisions or social life, manipulation and emotional blackmail as warning signs of an unhealthy or abusive relationship ^{43 44}. A generous member who uses the allowance to pressure intimacy is doing exactly that. So is an attractive member who uses the threat of exposure to extract money.

Research on power

Evidence on power in sugar dating is limited and points both ways. A scoping review of 27 studies found sugar babies overwhelmingly reported agency in their arrangements, while also describing stigma and shame ⁴⁶. A US study found women who felt they held more power in the relationship reported more consistent condom use ⁴⁷. Researchers in Sweden found wide variety in what sugar dating involves, and note that not all of it includes sex ⁴⁸. The research samples are narrow and almost entirely heterosexual ⁴⁶, so nobody has measured how pressure plays out across the whole of sugar dating.

Saying no

It helps to have the words ready before you need them:

I'm enjoying this, and I'm not ready for more tonight.

The allowance was never about that. If it is for you, we should stop here.

No. I'd like to go now.

A decent partner hears any of those and adjusts. A partner who argues, sulks or punishes has told you what the arrangement is to them. Naming limits before they are tested is easier than defending them in the moment; how to set boundaries and how to talk about expectations give scripts for both sides. If you need to end it, how to end an arrangement covers the conversation and someone who will not accept it.

Image-based abuse and the law, by country

Image-based abuse is when someone shares, or threatens to share, an intimate image or video of a person without their consent ¹⁰. Researchers include creating the image without consent too ³³. Australia and Canada have criminal laws against it, US federal law now requires platforms to take such images down, and the UK has a government-backed helpline for removal. Other laws apply by state and province.

This section is general information, not advice. Laws change and differ by state and province. For your own situation, speak to police, a legal aid service or a lawyer where you live.

How common it is

It is common. A survey of 6,109 people in the UK, Australia and New Zealand found 37.7% had experienced image-based sexual abuse at least once since age 16, and online dating was among the predictors of victimisation ⁴⁹. In an Australian study, it fell disproportionately on Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people, people with disability, gay and bisexual people and young people; men were more likely to perpetrate it, and women were more likely to be victimised by a partner or ex-partner ³³. The research disagrees on gender in one respect: the multi-country study found gender did not predict how often people were victimised, though the context and the impact differed ⁴⁹.

Australia

• The eSafety Commissioner can help have intimate content removed or stop threats, and you can report to eSafety directly ¹⁰.
• Criminal laws cover image-based abuse, so police may be able to investigate ¹⁰.
• In New South Wales it is an offence to record an intimate image without consent, to distribute one without consent, or to threaten to do either (Crimes Act ss 91P, 91Q, 91R), and a court can order the images removed or destroyed ⁵⁰.
• The Criminal Code Amendment (Deepfake Sexual Material) Act 2024 amended the Commonwealth Criminal Code to target deepfake sexual material ⁵¹.
• Photos of you can be personal information under the Privacy Act 1988, but the Act does not cover individuals acting in a personal capacity; some state and territory laws restrict filming private activities ⁵².

What differs across the states, and the official sources for each, is in sugar dating in Australia.

United Kingdom

• The Revenge Porn Helpline supports all adult victims of intimate image abuse in the UK, is supported by the Home Office, and helps report and remove content, including to platforms and police: 0345 6000 459 ⁵³.
• Fraud and cyber crime, including sextortion for money, are reported to Report Fraud, which replaced Action Fraud on 4 December 2025 ⁵⁴.

United States

• The TAKE IT DOWN Act became federal law on 19 May 2025. It requires covered online platforms to remove non-consensual intimate images, including deepfakes, when asked ⁵⁵.
• Online fraud and extortion can be reported to the FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center at ic3.gov ⁵⁶.
• State criminal laws vary. Check your state government's official legislation site, or ask local police.

Canada

• Section 162.1 of the Criminal Code makes it a crime to knowingly publish or distribute an intimate image of someone who did not consent, with a maximum of 10 years' imprisonment on indictment ⁵⁷.
• Threatening to publish an intimate image is also an offence, and an intimate image includes an AI-made depiction of an identifiable person likely to be mistaken for a real recording ⁵⁷.

New Zealand

New Zealand Police direct people to Netsafe for online harm, or to Police on 105 for non-emergencies ²⁹. IDCARE also serves New Zealand for scams and identity theft ²³.

Anywhere

StopNCII.org works across countries. If you are the person in an intimate image, were 18 or over when it was taken, and still have the image, it makes a digital fingerprint on your own device; participating companies use it to find and block the image, and the image itself is never uploaded ²⁸. The Revenge Porn Helpline, which runs it, reports a removal rate of over 90% ²⁸.

Where to report, by country

Report in three places: to the platform where you met, to the national body for the harm, and to police if you were threatened, assaulted or lost money. In an emergency, call the emergency number first: 000 in Australia, 999 in the UK, 911 in the US and Canada, 111 in New Zealand.

Reporting to a dating app is not the same as reporting to police. Apps are not investigators, but police can request information from them and can investigate even if one person has blocked or deleted the other ⁵⁸. In Victoria there is no time limit to report a sexual offence ⁵⁸.

Why report at all

It is fair to ask whether reporting helps. The Australian Institute of Criminology surveyed 1,555 people who reported dating app facilitated sexual violence to a platform and found overall experiences were positive, although LGB+ women were the least satisfied ⁶⁶. People whom the platform pointed to other services were more likely to also report to police ⁶⁶. When victims did go to police, police generally responded appropriately, though some groups had negative experiences ⁶⁷. And people are more likely to report online harassment than in-person sexual violence: 14.7% compared with 8.3% ⁶⁷. The in-person harms, the most serious, are the least reported.

Reporting a scam profile also protects the next person. A scammer who fails with you moves to someone else on the same site.

Reporting on Dateable

Every profile, message and Board listing has a report option, and blocking a member removes you from their search, the Board and messages. How to report and block shows each step and what happens next.

What to do after something goes wrong

After something goes wrong, do three things in order: get safe, stop the damage, then keep the evidence and report. What that means depends on what happened. Whatever it was, it is not your fault, and help exists that will not judge you ⁷.

If you were assaulted

1. Go somewhere safe and tell someone you trust ³⁷.
2. Get medical help from a hospital, clinic or sexual assault service ³⁷. In Western Australia, SARC is free and open 24 hours on (08) 6458 1828 or 1800 199 888 ⁹.
3. If you think you were drugged, get tested quickly: many drugs leave the body within 8 to 72 hours ³⁵.
4. Keep messages, the profile and anything else from the date, even if you are not sure you will report.
5. Report to police when you are ready. In Victoria there is no time limit ⁵⁸.
6. Call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 in Australia, 24 hours ⁴⁵, or a local service elsewhere.

If you lost money

1. Call your bank straight away, on the number on your card ¹. Ask them to stop or recall the payment and to secure your accounts.
2. If you paid by gift card, call the card company and keep the card and receipt ¹⁷.
3. Change passwords and turn on multi-factor authentication ²¹.
4. Stop all contact with the scammer. Do not tell them you know.
5. Report to the platform and your national scam body.
6. In Australia or New Zealand, call IDCARE on 1800 595 160 for help with identity recovery ²³.

If you are being threatened or blackmailed

1. Do not pay, and send nothing more ²⁶.
2. Screenshot everything: the threats, the profile, usernames, payment details.
3. Block the person and report the account to the platform ²⁷.
4. Report to police and, in Australia, to eSafety ¹⁰.
5. If images are already out, use StopNCII.org and the removal routes in the section above ²⁸.

If someone will not leave you alone

Someone who keeps contacting you after you say no is common: in a 2020 Pew survey, 37% of US online daters reported it, and 60% of women aged 18 to 34 who used dating apps ⁶⁸. When it becomes following, watching or turning up, it is stalking. Keep a log of every contact, with dates. In the UK, the National Stalking Helpline gives free advice on 0808 802 0300 ⁶¹; in Australia, 1800RESPECT helps with stalking and monitoring ⁴⁵.

Looking after yourself

Scams and assaults hurt beyond the money. Victims of romance scams suffer significant distress, even those who lose nothing ¹⁶. Talk to someone. In Australia, Lifeline on 13 11 14 ⁵⁹ and Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 answer 24 hours ⁶⁹; in the UK, Samaritans on 116 123 ⁶⁰; in the US, call or text 988 ⁶².

Whether to tell friends or family is your choice; telling friends, family or a partner helps you decide. The full first-hour, first-day plan is in if something goes wrong, and if you want to leave the site entirely, deleting your account and data explains what is removed and when.

The printable safety checklist

Print this, screenshot it, or keep it in your notes. Every line is explained in the sections above.

Set-up, once

• Separate email and a dating-only number
• First name only; photos that do not appear on your social media
• Social media private; workplace and suburb removed
• Multi-factor authentication on email and banking; PIN on your phone
• Location services off for apps that do not need them
• Verified on the platform

Before you meet

• Reverse image search done
• Name and username checked
• Video call done, and they matched their photos
• No money, gift cards, codes or logins asked for or sent
• Still talking on the platform, or on your dating-only number
• Surname, address, workplace and date of birth still private

On the day

• Public venue I chose or know; no change of place
• Friend knows who, where, when, and when I expect to be home
• Location shared; phone charged; check-in time set
• My own way there and home
• Drink in sight; drinking less than usual
• Not going to their place or a hotel

Money rules, always

• I never pay to be paid
• I never send money back from a deposit or cheque
• I never move money for anyone
• I never take investment advice from a date
• I never fund someone I have not met

Travel

• Met several times at home first
• Own return ticket, own money, own passport
• Insurance, itinerary shared, embassy noted
• Own room if agreed; I can leave any time

If something goes wrong

• Safe first; emergency number if needed
• Bank called straight away if money moved
• No payment to a blackmailer; screenshots kept
• Reported to the platform, the national body and police
• Told someone I trust

Questions people ask

How do I know if a sugar daddy is fake?

A fake sugar daddy offers money fast, before any real conversation, and asks for something first: a fee, gift cards, your bank login or intimate photos. They cannot video call or meet, often because they work on an oil rig, a military base or overseas. Reverse image search their photos, insist on a video call, and meet in public before any money moves. Anyone who asks you to pay to be paid is a scammer.

Why would a sugar daddy send money and ask for some back?

Because the money is not real. It is the fake cheque or overpayment scam. A deposit or cheque shows in your account before the bank knows it is good. You send part of it back, by transfer, gift cards or crypto, and days or weeks later the original payment is reversed. You lose what you sent and may owe the bank. A real allowance never needs anything sent back.

Is it safe to give a sugar daddy my bank details?

Never share your online banking login, password, PIN or one-time codes with anyone. To pay you, a person needs at most your account name and number, or a payment ID you choose to share. Someone asking for your login to set up payments wants to use your account, often to move stolen money, which can leave you facing charges. Use a separate account or payment ID that does not show your address.

What is a sugar baby scam?

It is a romance scam where someone poses as a generous sugar parent, offers to pay your bills or an allowance, and then asks you to pay first. The ask might be a loyalty fee, a verification fee or gift cards, or to return part of a deposit that later bounces. WA ScamNet describes both versions. The promised money never arrives. The same scam works in reverse on generous members, through fake emergencies.

Should a sugar daddy ask for a verification fee?

No. A verification fee is always a scam. Real verification happens inside the dating platform, never through another member, and never by paying the person you are talking to. On Dateable, verification is a live selfie compared with your photos. If a match asks you to pay to prove you are real, to unlock an allowance or to show loyalty, end the conversation and report the profile.

What should I do if someone threatens to share my photos?

Do not pay and do not send anything more, because blackmailers who are paid come back for more. Stop contact, screenshot the threats and the profile, then block and report the account. Report to police. In Australia, eSafety can help remove images and stop threats; in the UK, the Revenge Porn Helpline can help. StopNCII.org can help block images on major platforms worldwide.

Where should I meet a sugar daddy or sugar baby for the first time?

Somewhere public and busy that you know, such as a hotel bar or a restaurant, never a home or a hotel room. Keep it short, like drinks or lunch. Tell a friend who, where and when, share your location, and take your own transport so you can leave whenever you want. If the other person changes the venue at the last minute to somewhere unfamiliar, cancel.

Do I owe a sugar daddy anything if they pay for dinner or gifts?

No. Paying for dinner, gifts, travel or an allowance does not buy consent to anything. Consent must be freely given, can be withdrawn at any time, and is needed every time. Sexual assault services state plainly that you do not have to have sex with someone because they paid for your meal or drinks. Anyone who treats generosity as a debt is showing you a serious warning sign.

Is it safe to travel with a sugar daddy?

It can be, once you have met several times at home and trust them. Keep your own return ticket, your own passport and enough of your own money for a hotel and a flight home. Get travel insurance, share the full itinerary with a friend, and note your embassy. If anyone takes your passport or makes leaving depend on them, contact your embassy or local police.

Can I get my money back after a sugar daddy scam?

Sometimes, if you act fast. Call your bank immediately; it may be able to stop a payment or secure your accounts, though it may not recover everything. If you paid by gift card, contact the card company straight away and keep the card and receipt. Crypto losses are rarely recovered ²⁴. Report to your national scam body. Ignore anyone who offers to recover your money for a fee: that is a second scam aimed at people already scammed.

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