Guides

How to spot a scam

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Ten signs of a dating scam, the first message each one sends, the words to reply with, and who to call if money or photos have already gone.

9 minute readUpdated 2026-09-30

By the end of this guide you will know the ten signs of a dating scam and the message each one usually opens with. You will also have the words to reply, the steps to take, and the number to call if money or photos have already gone.

Keep it open beside your messages. When something feels off, find the sign below, read what it sounds like, and do what the steps say.

Why sugar dating draws scammers

Scammers build trust through romance, dating or friendship online, then ask for money, sometimes after a long time ¹. Australians reported $139.9 million lost to romance scams in 2025 ². In the US, the median reported loss in 2022 was $4,400 ³.

Sugar dating adds a twist. Money is part of the conversation from the start, so a request that would sound strange elsewhere can sound normal here. Government consumer bodies now name the "sugar baby scam" as its own type ⁴. The rule that protects you is simple: a real generous member gives. A real generous member never asks you to pay first, send anything back, or move money for them.

What Dateable does, and what it does not

• Verification checks a face, not a character. A verified member took a live selfie in a pose the app picked, and a reviewer compared it to their profile photos. It confirms the person matches the photos. It is not an identity document check, and it says nothing about honesty. How to get verified covers the details.
• Look for the Verified badge. A fake profile with stolen photos has a harder time passing the selfie check, but treat every conversation on its merits.
• Dateable never holds or moves money between members. No escrow, no payout, no fee on an offer. Anyone who says money is "waiting on the platform" and needs a fee to release it is lying.
• Board listings are checked. A listing that asks the guest to pay, put down a deposit, or send money or gift cards is refused. So is a listing with a phone number, email, handle or link.

Everything else is on you and the other person. The ten signs below are how you tell the difference.

The ten signs

1. They want to leave Dateable straight away

Pressure to move to WhatsApp, Telegram or text is a warning sign in every government guide on this ^{1 5}. Off the platform, nobody can see the messages, and blocking and reporting stop working.

"I'm hardly on here. Add me on WhatsApp and we can talk properly."

2. Big feelings, fast, and a request to keep it quiet

Someone you have never met says they love you, or that you are "the one" ⁶. Then they ask you to keep the relationship secret from family and friends, and they ask many questions while telling you little ⁷. Secrecy cuts you off from the people most likely to say "that sounds like a scam".

"I've never felt this way about anyone. Let's keep this just between us for now."

3. They can never meet or video call

The favourite excuses are a faraway military base, an offshore oil rig, or work overseas ^{3 8}. Some say they live nearby but work abroad ⁹. The camera is always broken. A generous member who means it finds an hour for a coffee.

"I'm on the rig for another six weeks. The signal's too bad for video, but I think about you every day."

4. A sudden emergency that needs your money

A medical bill, a plane ticket, a visa fee, a sick relative ^{10 8}. The story is urgent so you act before you think. Money for a stranger's emergency is the oldest scam there is, and sugar dating turns the usual direction around to make it feel fair.

"My daughter's in hospital and my cards are frozen overseas. I'll pay you back double on Friday."

5. You must pay before they pay you

This is the sugar baby scam. A would-be sugar daddy offers to pay your bills or debts, but first asks for a small payment as "proof of loyalty", or for fees, then disappears ⁴. The same scam asks for your banking details, home address or phone number ⁴, and some ask for ID documents ¹. A real allowance never costs you anything to receive.

"I'll send your first $2,000 today. Just send $50 in gift cards so I know you're loyal and not wasting my time."

6. Too much money, then "send the rest back"

They deposit a large sum, say it was a mistake, and ask you to return the difference in gift card codes ⁴. The deposit came from a fraudulent account, so it vanishes and you are left in debt ⁴. Money showing in your account does not mean it is good; fake cheques can take weeks to be found out ¹¹.

"Oops, I sent $5,000 instead of $500. Can you buy $4,500 of Apple cards and send me the codes?"

7. They name the payment method: gift cards, crypto, a wire

Scammers ask to be paid by wire transfer, gift cards, money transfer apps or cryptocurrency ¹⁰. They often say which cards to buy and where, then ask for the number and PIN ¹². No real business or government agency will ever tell you to buy a gift card to pay them ¹².

"Get Google Play cards from the servo, scratch the back and send me a photo."

8. They start talking about investments

Someone you met online builds trust, then mentions a crypto platform with quick profits ¹³. You invest a little, then more. Some let you withdraw a small amount first so you trust it ⁹. When you try to take the rest out, they disappear and the platform locks you out ¹³.

"My uncle showed me this trading app. I made 30% last month. Let me set you up, I'll guide you."

9. They ask you to receive and pass on money

Scammers ask romance victims to share account details or move money for them ¹⁴. That makes you a money mule, moving the proceeds of crime ¹⁵, and it can lead to civil and criminal charges against you ¹⁴.

"My business account's blocked. Can a client pay into yours, and you transfer it on to me? Keep $200 for your trouble."

10. Intimate photos, then a threat

Some ask for intimate photos early ¹, or record a video call. Then they threaten to send the images to your family and friends unless you pay, and keep demanding more ¹⁶. This is sextortion. It happens to adults on dating apps ¹⁷, and it is a serious crime to report to police ¹⁶.

"Send me something just for me. I'll delete it, promise."

Real member or scammer

Most people you meet are who they say. This table sets the two side by side.

For how a real conversation about money goes, read how to talk about an allowance.

Check before you trust

Do these before you share anything personal, and before any money moves either way.

1. Run a reverse image search on their photos. Stolen photos often turn up under another name, and this is the first check Scamwatch recommends ¹.
2. Search the name they give you. See whether their details match across platforms, and be wary of new accounts with few posts or friends ⁶.
3. Ask specific questions. Where they grew up, what their work involves, their family ⁶. A real person answers easily. A scammer goes vague or changes the subject.
4. Ask for a short video call, or a coffee. A video chat checks they match who they claim to be ¹⁸. A no, then another no, is sign 3.
5. Stay on Dateable until you have met. Keep chat on the platform until you are sure who they are ⁷. Here, blocking and reporting still work.
6. Tell someone you trust. Talking it through with a friend is part of the official advice ¹, and it breaks the secrecy a scam needs.

Words for the video call ask:

"I'd love to keep talking. Before we go further I do a quick video call with everyone. Ten minutes this week?"

Words for staying on the platform:

"I keep everything on Dateable until I've met someone in person. Happy to keep chatting here."

Your own details matter too. How to protect your privacy covers a separate number and email, photo metadata and social media.

When you spot a sign

1. Stop and send nothing. Never send money, gift cards or crypto to someone you have not met in person ⁷. If someone on a dating site asks you for money, stop talking to them ⁵.
2. Say no once, plainly. You do not owe an explanation. A clear line ends the pressure and gives you something to show if you report.
3. Screenshot the conversation and their profile. A scammer may delete their account, and the screenshots keep the evidence.
4. Report, then block. Report first so the profile and messages are on record, then block so they cannot reach you. How to report and block shows where the buttons are, or use the report page.
5. End contact and share nothing more. If something feels wrong, stop there and talk to someone you trust ⁷.

Words for saying no to money:

"I don't send money or gift cards to anyone I haven't met. That's not changing."

Words for saying no to photos:

"I don't send photos like that. If that's a problem, we're not a match."

If money or photos have already gone

1. Call your bank straight away. It may not recover the money, but it can block access to compromised accounts ⁴.
2. If you paid with a gift card, call the gift card company. Keep the card and the receipt ¹².
3. Report to the scam body in your country. The table below lists them.
4. Get identity help if you shared ID or bank details. In Australia and New Zealand, IDCARE is free: 1800 595 160, or +61 7 3555 5900 from overseas ¹⁹.
5. Ignore anyone who offers to get your money back. Recovery scammers target people already scammed, posing as officials, lawyers or police and asking for a fee ²⁰. Work only with your bank.

Words for the bank:

"I've been scammed and I've sent money from this account. I need you to stop any pending transfers and secure the account."

Where to report

Sextortion is a crime: report it to police as well as to Dateable ¹⁶. For more on safety across the whole of sugar dating, read sugar dating safety.

Questions people ask

What is the sugar baby scam?

A scammer poses as a sugar daddy and offers to pay your bills or debts, but first asks for a small "proof of loyalty" payment or fees, then disappears. Another version deposits a large sum, calls it a mistake and asks for the difference back in gift card codes. The deposit is fraudulent, so it vanishes and leaves you in debt ⁴.

Is it a scam if a sugar daddy asks me to pay first?

Yes. A real generous member never asks you to pay a fee, a deposit, or anything else before they give. Requests for a "loyalty" payment, fees, or gift cards are the sugar baby scam ⁴. On Dateable, a Board listing that asks a guest to pay or send gift cards is refused. Stop, report the profile, then block it.

Why do scammers want to move to WhatsApp or Telegram?

Off the dating platform, nobody else can see the messages, and the platform's report and block tools stop working. That is why pressure to move to private messaging appears on every government list of warning signs ¹. Keep talking on Dateable until you have met in person and are sure who they are.

Does a verified badge mean someone is not a scammer?

No. On Dateable, verification means a reviewer compared a live selfie with the member's profile photos and they matched. It is not an identity document check and says nothing about honesty. A verified member who asks for money, gift cards or intimate photos is still showing a scam sign. Judge the behaviour, not the badge.

What should I do if someone threatens to share my photos?

Do not pay and do not send anything more: people who pay are asked again ¹⁷. End contact, screenshot the threats and the profile, report the account, then block it. Sextortion is a serious crime, so report it to police too ¹⁶. Tell someone you trust; you do not have to handle it alone.

Can I get my money back after a romance scam?

Call your bank straight away. It may not recover the money, but it can block access to compromised accounts ⁴. If you paid with a gift card, contact the card company and keep the receipt ¹². Ignore anyone who offers to recover your money for a fee; that is a second scam ²⁰.

Where do I report a dating scam in Australia?

Report the profile on Dateable first, then report to Scamwatch, and to ReportCyber if money or crypto went online ¹³. Call your bank at once. If you shared ID or bank details, IDCARE gives free help on 1800 595 160 ¹⁹. In Western Australia, WA ScamNet is on 1300 30 40 54 ¹⁷.

Sources

1. Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Relationship scams.
2. National Anti-Scam Centre (ACCC) (2026). Targeting scams report.
3. Fletcher, E. (Federal Trade Commission) (2023). Romance scammers' favorite lies exposed.
4. WA ScamNet (Government of Western Australia, Consumer Protection) (2026). Sugar baby scam.
5. Get Cyber Safe (Government of Canada) (2021). Online dating cyber security: Three ways to stay protected.
6. Get Cyber Safe (Government of Canada) (2023). Spot the signs of a catfish on dating platforms.
7. Stop! Think Fraud (UK Government) (2026). Protect yourself from romance fraud.
8. New Zealand Police (2021). Don't let a love scam break your heart.
9. Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre (2026). Relationship and romance.
10. Federal Trade Commission (2022). What To Know About Romance Scams.
11. Federal Trade Commission (2025). How To Spot, Avoid, and Report Fake Check Scams.
12. Federal Trade Commission (2023). Avoiding and Reporting Gift Card Scams.
13. Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Investment scams.
14. Commodity Futures Trading Commission (2023). Customer Advisory: Beware Offers to Receive and Forward Money.
15. Consumer Protection (New Zealand Ministry of Business, Innovation and Employment) (2026). Types of scams.
16. Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Threat scams.
17. Government of Western Australia, Consumer Protection and WA Police (2024). Alarm at young adults and teenagers caught up in 'sextortion' scams.
18. Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
19. IDCARE (2026). IDCARE.
20. Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Money recovery scams.
21. GOV.UK / City of London Police (2025). Report Fraud: new service from City of London Police.
22. Federal Bureau of Investigation, Internet Crime Complaint Center (2025). 2024 IC3 Annual Report.