DateableFirst date safety checklist
Everything to do before, during and after a first date: check who they are, meet in public, control your ride home, and know what to do if it goes wrong.
By the end of this checklist you will have confirmed your date is the person in the photos, planned a public meeting you can leave whenever you like, and set up a friend who knows where you are. You will also know exactly what to do in the hour after the date, whether it went beautifully or not.
Keep this page open on your phone. Work through it in order: the week before, the day before, the date itself, and the trip home. Each step says what to do and why.
The week before
- Get verified, and meet only verified members. On Dateable, look for the Verified badge: a member with it has passed the live selfie check. Any member with a complete profile can message, so check for the badge before you agree to meet. The badge confirms the person matches their photos. It is not an identity or age document check, so the steps below still matter. How the check works: How to get verified.
- Ask for a short video call. Anyone can pretend to be someone else online 1. Two minutes on camera shows the face, the voice and the manner match the profile 2. A camera that never works is a known sign of a catfish 3.
- Keep your surname, address and workplace to yourself. Police and sexual assault services both advise holding these back until you trust the person, along with your date of birth, family names and the places you go often 1 2. Dateable shows your age, never your date of birth, and strips location data from photos when you upload them. What you type in a message is up to you.
- Screenshot their profile and your messages. If the profile vanishes, you still have the name, photos and conversation 3. Save them to a folder, not your camera roll.
- Choose a public place with people around, in daylight. Victoria Police advise a busy place, daylight and sharing your location with friends 4. Never go to their place, or have them come to yours, on a first date 2. The Board refuses any listing that names a private home or hotel room as the first meeting place.
- Plan your own way there and home. Your own transport means you decide when the date ends 2. Compare the options in the table below.
- Tell one trusted friend who, when and where. Give them your date's display name, the venue, the time and when you expect to be home 2. Share your live location with them for the evening 3. Agree a check-in time and what your friend does if you go quiet.
A video call request can be light. Try:
"Before we meet, would you be up for a quick video call this week? Five minutes is plenty. I like to hear a voice first."
Someone who refuses every call, or whose camera is always broken, has answered the question for you.
The message to your friend, ready to paste:
"Date tonight. Name on the app: [display name]. Meeting at [venue, suburb] at [time]. Sharing my location now. I'll text you by [time]. If you don't hear from me by then, call me. If I don't answer, call again, then call the venue."
Where to meet
| Place | First date? | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Café or lunch spot, daytime | Best | Busy, daylight, short and easy to extend or end |
| Restaurant or wine bar, early evening | Good | Staff and other guests around; you can order one drink and go |
| Hotel bar or lobby lounge | Good | Public and staffed. The bar, never the room |
| Gallery, market or event | Good | Plenty of people, something to talk about |
| Their home, your home, a hotel room | No | Private, no one around, hard to leave |
| A remote walk, a drive, their car | No | No witnesses, and you depend on them to get back |
For venue, day, time and who books, see How to plan a first date.
Getting there and home
| Option | You control when you leave | Your date learns where you live | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Drive yourself | Yes | No | Park somewhere lit. Limits your drinking, which helps |
| Taxi or rideshare you book | Yes | No | Book it from your own phone. Share the trip with your friend |
| Public transport | Mostly | No | Check the last service home before you go |
| Your date picks you up | No | Yes | Skip it on a first date, however kind the offer |
| Your date books your car home | Partly | Maybe | Fine if you choose the drop-off point, not your front door |
If they ask, you need one line:
"I don't send money to anyone I haven't met. If that's a problem, we're not a match."
The day before
- Confirm the plan in messages. Time, venue, and how long you have. A written plan is also a record. If the date came through the Board, both of you get this checklist the day before, and the venue name shows only to the accepted guest.
- Hold the venue. If your date changes the place at the last minute to somewhere you do not know, cancel 2. A new suggestion for another day is fine. A switch an hour before is not.
- Charge your phone and pack a charger. A flat phone means no ride, no location sharing and no call 1.
- Check your ride home. Know the last train, or have the rideshare app open and a payment method set 1.
"I'd rather keep it at [venue] as planned. If that doesn't work tonight, happy to pick another day."
During the date
- Arrive on your own and a few minutes early. You choose the seat, find the exit and the bathrooms, and settle before they walk in.
- Keep your drink in sight. Hold it or keep it in front of you. If you leave it unattended, do not drink any more of it; order a fresh one 2 1.
- Watch for spiking signs, in you or your date. You cannot tell whether a drink is spiked without testing it. Sudden drunkenness, dizziness, confusion, nausea, blurred vision or memory gaps are the warning signs 5.
- Text your friend at the check-in time. One word is enough. It tells them you are fine and resets the clock.
- Remember you owe nothing. Dinner, drinks or a gift create no debt. You do not have to be physical with anyone, including after they pay 2.
- Trust your instincts and leave when you want. Do not feel bad about cutting a date short if it does not feel right 1 3. You need no reason and no argument.
- Ask staff for help if you need it. Some venues run Ask for Angela: ask the bar for "Angela" and trained staff can get you a taxi, a safe space, or call security or police. Participating venues show a sticker in the window 6. Anywhere else, go to the bar and say plainly you need help.
- End the first date in public. An invitation back to their place, a hotel room or a car is a second-date question at the earliest. A good date leaves room for another.
Words for leaving early, kind and final:
"Thank you for tonight. I'm going to head off now. My car's booked."
Words for a push you did not ask for, whether it is another venue, another drink or a hand where you did not want it:
"No thanks. I'm staying here." Or, if it continues: "I'm leaving now."
You never owe an explanation. A decent person accepts the first no.
After the date
- Tell your friend you are home. Call or text as soon as you are through the door, so your friend can stand down 2.
- Rate the date if it came through the Board. After a Board date each of you may leave a private rating from 1 to 5 and press "would meet again". Ratings are never public. They feed Dateable's trust signals and moderation, so an honest low score protects the next member.
- Block anyone who made you uneasy. A blocked member never sees you again: not in search, not on the Board, not in messages. Steps for every screen: How to report and block.
- Report anything that broke the rules. Pressure, threats, requests for money, or a person who did not match their photos all belong in a report. Start here: Report a member. The standards members agree to are on Community rules.
- Keep the record. Do not delete the conversation or your screenshots, even if you block the person. If something happened, that record helps you.
If something went wrong
If someone hurt you after you met, it is not your fault 3. It is never the fault of the person assaulted, whatever they wore, where they went or what they drank 7.
- Get somewhere safe. In Australia call 000 in an emergency 2. Elsewhere, your local emergency number.
- Tell someone you trust, and get medical help from a hospital, clinic or sexual assault service 7. Medical care comes first; reporting can wait.
- Call a support line. In Australia, 1800RESPECT answers on 1800 737 732, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You can also text 0458 737 732 8. In Western Australia, the Sexual Assault Resource Centre is free and open 24 hours on 1800 199 888 2.
- Report to police when you are ready. Reporting to a dating app is not the same as reporting to police: apps are not investigators. Police can request information from the app, and can investigate even if one person has blocked or deleted the other 9. In Victoria there is no time limit to report a sexual offence 9.
- Report to Dateable as well. Reports go to Dateable's review queue, and they protect the next member who meets this person.
How Dateable handles safety: Safety at Dateable.
Questions people ask
What should I do before a first date with someone from a dating site?
Video call them first to check they match their photos. Keep your surname, address and workplace private. Screenshot their profile and your messages. Choose a busy public place in daylight, plan your own transport home, and tell a trusted friend who you are meeting, where and when. Share your live location with that friend for the evening.
Where is the safest place for a first date?
A busy public place with staff and other people around, ideally in daylight: a café, a restaurant, a wine bar, a gallery or a hotel bar. Never a private home, a hotel room, a car or a quiet spot on a first date. If your date moves the venue at the last minute to somewhere you do not know, cancel.
Should I let my date pick me up?
Not on a first date. If your date picks you up, they learn where you live and you depend on them to leave. Drive yourself, take public transport, or book your own taxi or rideshare from your own phone. Your own ride means you decide when the date ends, and you can leave early without asking anyone.
How can I tell if my drink has been spiked?
You cannot tell by looking or tasting; only a test shows it. Watch for sudden drunkenness, dizziness, confusion, nausea, blurred vision or memory gaps that the drinks do not explain. If you suspect it, stop drinking, tell venue staff or someone you trust, get somewhere safe and get medical help. Many drugs clear the body within 8 to 72 hours, so act fast.
Do I owe my date anything if they pay for dinner?
No. Dinner, drinks or a gift create no obligation of any kind, including physical affection or sex. You can thank them, say goodnight and go home. Anyone who suggests paying the bill earned them something has shown you who they are. Leave, and report them if they push.
What does the Verified badge on Dateable prove?
It proves the person matched their profile photos in a live selfie, taken holding a pose the app picked at random and checked by a reviewer. It is not an identity or age document check. Treat it as a strong first filter, then still video call, meet in public and keep your personal details private until you trust the person.
What should I do if something happened on a date?
Get somewhere safe and call 000 in Australia, or your local emergency number, if you are in danger. Tell someone you trust and get medical help. In Australia, 1800RESPECT answers 24 hours on 1800 737 732. Keep your messages and screenshots. Report to police when you are ready, and report the member to Dateable too. It is not your fault.
Sources
- New Zealand Police (2026). Safety advice.
- Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
- eSafety Commissioner (2026). Online dating | How to stay safe.
- Victoria Police (2025). Safety tips when meeting someone from online.
- Gloucestershire Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust (2025). Spiking.
- Wakefield Council (2026). Ask for Angela.
- Healthdirect Australia (2023). Sexual assault and rape.
- 1800RESPECT (2026). 1800RESPECT.
- Victoria Police (2025). Dating apps, online platforms, and sexual offences.
