Guides

The generous member's guide

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Everything for the member who provides: a profile that states your offer, verification, first messages, the allowance talk, the Board, first dates and staying safe.

10 minute readUpdated 2026-09-30

By the end of this guide you will have a verified profile that says plainly what you offer, a first message sent, an allowance or other support agreed in writing, and a first date planned in public. You will also know the scams aimed at generous members and how to end things well.

Keep it open while you set up. Each section is one stage, in the order you meet it. Some people call this role a sugar daddy or sugar mommy; on Dateable it is the generous side, open to any gender.

What being the generous member means here

You provide: an allowance, gifts, hosted evenings, travel, or mentoring, inside a relationship you both chose. What that looks like varies widely from couple to couple ¹, and sugar relationships take many forms, from companionship to friendship to love ². There is no standard package to copy, which is why this guide is mostly about saying what you want clearly.

What you never provide is payment for time alone, intimacy or any sexual act. Dateable is dating. Messages and Board listings pass content checks that refuse anything priced by intimacy, in any wording. The community rules set it out in full.

Dateable never holds, moves or guarantees money between members. There is no escrow, no fee on what you give and no payout. Dateable is free and takes nothing from any arrangement. What you agree with someone is between the two of you.

Step 1: Join and choose your side

1. Join and pick the generous side. You choose a side when you join, and you can change it once. Picking the right one first saves you a change you may want later.
2. Set "looking for" separately. Side and gender are separate fields. Set who you want to meet so search and the Board show you the right people.
3. Know what is free. Everything. Joining, browsing, messages, private albums and the Board are free on both sides. No credits, no subscription. Membership has the detail.

Step 2: Build a profile that states your offer

A profile is complete with a photo, three profile fields and an about section of at least 50 characters. Complete unlocks browsing and favourites. A completeness meter shows what is left.

1. Write a headline that shows who you are, not your wallet. You have 80 characters. Lead with a specific interest or the kind of evening you like. Attractive members see plenty of "generous and discreet"; a real detail stands out.
2. Fill "what I offer" honestly. You have 500 characters. Name the kind of support you give, such as an allowance, gifts, travel or mentoring, and the kind of relationship you want. Stating it now means the people who message you already want what you offer.
3. Decide on the income and net worth bands. The generous side can add both, and both are optional. They help an attractive member judge fit quickly. Leave them blank if privacy matters more to you; your "what I offer" text can carry the message.
4. Upload photos that show your face. You can have up to 12 public and 12 private photos. The first public photo must show a face. Every photo is reviewed before anyone else sees it, and location data in the file is stripped on upload.
5. Keep identifying details out. Crop out your number plate, office sign, home street and anything with your surname on it. Use the private album for photos you only want some members to see, and grant or revoke access per member.

Headline: "Architect who cooks on Sundays and books the good seats at the opera."

What I offer: "A steady, generous arrangement with someone who enjoys good food, galleries and the odd weekend away. I prefer a monthly allowance plus dinners and trips we plan together. I value honesty, reliability and a sense of humour. Discretion goes both ways."

Step 3: Get verified

Verified members can read full Board listings, apply, post and see private albums they were granted, and they sit higher in search. Any member with a complete profile can browse, favourite and message. Verification explains the check in full.

1. Take the live selfie. The app asks you to hold a pose it picks at random, and a reviewer compares it to your profile photos. The random pose proves the photo was taken now, by you.
2. Wait for the decision. Your badge shows "Verified" and the month. The selfie is deleted 30 days after the decision.
3. Re-verify when you change your first photo. The badge has to match the face people see first.

Step 4: Find people and send a first message

1. Search, then read the whole profile. Filter by city and what matters to you, then read their "what I am looking for" before you write. It tells you whether your offer fits.
2. Open with attention, not money. A first message that leads with an amount reads as an offer to buy. Mention something specific from their profile and ask one real question.
3. Write to people you have read. A short list of good fits gets more replies than a wide net.

You said you've been meaning to try the new Peruvian place for weeks. I went last month and the ceviche lived up to it. What's the dish you always order when you're somewhere new?

Step 5: Talk about expectations and support

Once you both reply easily, talk about what you each want: how often you meet, exclusivity, privacy, and support. Do it in messages, before a second date and ideally before the first. Writing gives you both time to think and a record of what you agreed.

Pick the kind of support that suits you before you name a number. These are the same four kinds of offer the Board uses, plus mentoring.

1. Decide your number before you write. Choose an amount you can keep paying on time for months. Cutting it later hurts more than starting modestly.
2. Say what you offer, not what you expect back. Name the support and its schedule. Leave out anything that sounds like a condition on their body or time alone.
3. Ask what would help. Rent, study, travel, a business: asking treats them as an adult with plans.
4. Leave room for a no. A person who feels free to decline gives you an honest yes.
5. Agree four things in writing. The amount and currency, the schedule, how it is paid, and how much notice either of you gives to change or end it.

I've enjoyed talking this week and I'd like to meet. I'd rather be upfront about what I can offer: a monthly allowance of [amount], and dinners and anything we do together are on me. What would actually help you right now?

I prefer gifts and experiences to a set allowance: dinners, the occasional trip, things I've chosen for you. If a regular allowance matters to you, tell me now. It's better we both know.

Researchers find people in these relationships work to keep them from feeling either too transactional or too intimate ³. A settled agreement helps: once money is decided, nobody has to keep raising it. How to talk about an allowance has scripts for counters, pauses and changes.

Step 6: Post an invitation on the Board

The Board lets you post a specific occasion, such as an opera opening night or a gallery dinner, and choose from members who apply. Posting needs a verified profile.

1. Write a clear title and details. The title runs 8 to 80 characters; details 50 to 1500. Say what the occasion is, the city, the day and how long it runs. Specifics draw applicants who actually want to go.
2. State the offer. Choose hosted, gift, allowance or travel covered, add up to 300 characters and an optional amount and currency. The offer is your statement; Dateable does not hold or guarantee it, so offer only what you will give.
3. Keep contact details out. No phone, email, handles or links. They are refused; contact happens in messages after you accept someone.
4. Wait for review. Listings are checked automatically and by a person where flagged, with a target of under 12 hours.
5. Shortlist, then accept one per place. Applicants write a note of 50 to 800 characters. Declines send a kind, fixed message. Accepting opens a private conversation.
6. Let them confirm. The guest confirms within 48 hours. If not, the acceptance lapses and you may accept someone else.

Cancel inside 24 hours three times in 90 days and posting pauses for 30 days. Plan occasions you are sure of.

Step 7: The first date

1. Book somewhere public and busy. A hotel bar or restaurant, not a room or your home. It protects both of you and makes it easy for them to say yes.
2. Cover the occasion without conditions. Paying for dinner buys nothing more. Nobody owes their date anything, and nobody has to have sex because the other person paid ⁴.
3. Let them control their own way home. Offer a car if you like, but never insist. People who arrange their own transport can leave when they choose, which is part of feeling safe ⁴.
4. Keep your own details back too. Your home address, workplace and family names can wait until you trust each other.

Looking forward to tomorrow. The table is booked for 7:30 under my first name. If anything changes on your side, just tell me, no problem at all.

Board guests and hosts both get the first-date safety checklist the day before. For the full version, read first date safety.

Step 8: Protect yourself from scams

Generous members are a target. A scammer builds trust, then asks for money, sometimes after a long time ⁵. The requests come as emergencies, plane tickets, visa fees or an investment, paid by wire, gift cards, transfer apps or crypto ⁶.

1. Meet before any money moves. Never send money to someone you have not met in person ⁵. Hosted dates and gifts on the night carry no risk; transfers to a stranger do.
2. Video call if meeting is slow. Excuses to avoid meeting or video calls are a warning sign ⁵.
3. Stay in Dateable's messages. Pressure to move to WhatsApp or another private app early is a red flag ⁵, and staying here keeps reporting and blocking one press away.
4. Refuse gift cards, crypto and investments. No genuine partner needs you to buy gift cards or open a crypto account.

Step 9: Keep it healthy

1. Pay on time, every time. Reliability is what makes an allowance different from a whim. A smaller amount paid on the day beats a larger one paid late.
2. Never use money to control. Holding back support to win an argument or to decide who they see is a warning sign of an unhealthy relationship ⁷.
3. Check in every month or two. Ask what is working and what is not. Arrangements that last get adjusted.
4. Give notice before a change. Tell them before the next payment is due, in words, not by silence.

Work has changed and from next month I can do [amount] rather than [amount]. I'd rather tell you now than let you down later. How does that sit with you?

Step 10: End it well

1. Say it directly and kindly. A message is fine once you have met a few times; in person is kinder after months.
2. Honour the notice you agreed. If you promised a month's notice on the allowance, give it. Keeping that promise is the last act of a good arrangement.
3. Do not ask for gifts back. What you gave was given.

I've really valued our time together, and I've decided to end the arrangement. As we agreed, the allowance continues until [date]. Thank you for everything, and I wish you well.

Money and tax

General information, not advice. In the United States, the person giving a gift is generally responsible for any gift tax, and gifts above the annual exclusion may need a return without meaning tax is owed ⁸. In Australia, the ATO treats gifts on special occasions as generally not income for the recipient, though gifts in a business-like setting can be taxable ⁹. Keep a record of what you give and check with your tax office or a registered adviser where you live.

Questions people ask

What does a generous member do on Dateable?

A generous member provides support inside a relationship both people chose: an allowance, gifts, hosted evenings, travel or mentoring. Any gender can join on the generous side. You state what you offer on your profile, get verified, message members whose profiles fit, and can post invitations on the Board. Support is never payment for time alone or intimacy, and Dateable never handles the money between members.

Is it free to join as a sugar daddy?

Yes. Dateable is free on both sides, every feature: profile, search, messages, private albums and the Board. No credits, no subscription. Messaging needs a complete profile. Reading full Board listings, applying and posting need a verified profile, which you get with a live selfie check.

Do I have to show my income on my profile?

No. Generous members can add an income band and a net worth band, and both are optional. They help an attractive member judge fit quickly, but you can leave them blank if privacy matters more. Your "what I offer" section, up to 500 characters, can say what kind of support you give without any figures at all.

How much allowance should a sugar daddy give?

There is no standard amount, and this guide does not quote one. Research finds how money and gifts are involved varies widely between couples. Choose a figure you can keep paying on time for months without strain, then agree it in writing as an amount, a schedule, a payment method and a notice period. Starting modestly beats cutting it later.

Should I send money before we meet?

No. Never send money to someone you have not met in person. Requests for help with an emergency, a plane ticket, a visa fee or an investment before meeting are classic romance scam openings. Hosted dinners and gifts given in person carry no such risk. If someone keeps avoiding meeting or video calls, stop, screenshot the messages and report them.

Does paying for dates mean my date owes me anything?

No. Paying for dinner, tickets or a trip buys nothing more. Nobody owes their date anything, and nobody has to have sex because the other person paid. On Dateable, messages and listings that price time or intimacy are refused. Support is part of a relationship both people chose, not an exchange for anything physical.

Can a woman be the generous member?

Yes. Any gender can join on either side. The generous side is for whoever provides, so women who offer support join there too, and set who they are looking for in a separate field. Search, messages, verification and the Board work the same way for everyone on the generous side.

Sources

1. Gunnarsson, L., & Strid, S. (2021). Varieties of Sugar Dating in Sweden: Content, Compensation, Motivations.
2. Scull, M. T. (2019). "It's Its Own Thing": A Typology of Interpersonal Sugar Relationship Scripts.
3. Lavoie Mongrain, C. (2024). Avoiding the transactional "feel" while getting paid: Affect and relational work in sugar dating.
4. Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
5. Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Relationship scams.
6. Federal Trade Commission (2022). What To Know About Romance Scams.
7. Healthdirect Australia (2025). Building and maintaining healthy relationships.
8. Internal Revenue Service (2026). Frequently asked questions on gift taxes.
9. Australian Taxation Office (2026). Amounts you do not include as income.