Guides

The attractive member's guide

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Join free, get verified, choose who contacts you, say what you want early, meet safely and keep your own terms. Every step for the member who is courted.

10 minute readUpdated 2026-09-30

By the end of this guide you will have a verified profile, a clear idea of what you want, and a way to meet generous members on your terms. You will also know the scripts for the hard moments, the scams aimed at your side, and how to leave any conversation in one press.

On Dateable the attractive member is the one who is courted: the person a generous member offers time, attention, experiences or support to. Any gender can join this side, and "looking for" is its own field. The attractive side is free. Keep this page open while you set up, and come back to it before each first date.

Before you join: decide three things

People on Dateable say what they want at the start. You can only do that if you know it. Take ten minutes before you sign up.

1. Decide what support you hope for. An allowance, gifts, hosted evenings, travel, mentoring, or a mix. Knowing this lets you write a profile that attracts the right people and filters out the rest.
2. Decide your limits. How often you can meet, whether you want exclusivity, what you will never do. Limits you set calmly at home hold better than ones you invent under pressure on a date.
3. Decide who knows. Pick one trusted friend who will hear where you are on every first date. Researchers who interviewed women in sugar relationships found that many kept control over their time, attention and safety ¹. A friend who knows is part of that control.

People come to sugar dating for money, for experiences and for the social side, and a review of 27 studies found sugar babies overwhelmingly describe themselves as choosing it, while still facing stigma ². Your reasons are yours. Being clear about them is what makes the rest of this guide work.

Set up your profile

1. Choose the attractive side at joining. You pick a side when you join and can change it once. Choose carefully so you never need that one change.
2. Complete the basics. A profile is complete with a photo, three profile fields and an about section of 50 characters or more. Complete unlocks browsing and favourites; until then you browse blurred.
3. Write a headline and an about that sound like you. The headline takes 80 characters, the about up to 1000. Say what a good evening looks like to you, not a list of adjectives. How to write your profile has before-and-after examples.
4. Fill in "what I am looking for". You have 500 characters. This is where you name the kind of support you hope for, in plain words. A generous member reads it before messaging, so it saves you awkward conversations later.
5. Upload photos you control. Up to 12 public and 12 private. Your first public photo must show your face. Location data (EXIF) is stripped on upload, and every photo is reviewed before anyone else sees it. Keep workplaces, street signs and your front door out of frame anyway.
6. Use the private album for anything you want to share selectively. Members request access and you grant or revoke it, one member at a time. Revoking takes effect for that member alone.

Headline: Gallery Sundays, long lunches, honest conversation.

What I am looking for: Someone generous with their time who enjoys planning an evening. I'm studying and working part time, so a regular arrangement with support toward my rent would make a real difference. I value reliability and discretion, and I expect the same.

Your date of birth is never shown, only your age. Every member is 18 or over.

Get verified

Verification lets you read full Board listings, apply to invitations, post your own and see private albums you have been granted. It also gives you the Verified badge and a lift in search. You can message with a complete profile, verified or not.

1. Open the verification tab in your profile. The app picks a pose at random and asks for a live selfie holding it. A random pose proves the photo is taken now, by you.
2. Match your profile photos. A reviewer compares the selfie with your photos. Use the same hair, glasses and lighting you have in your photos so the match is easy.
3. Wait for the decision. Your badge then shows "Verified" and the month. The selfie is deleted 30 days after the decision.
4. Re-verify if you change your first photo. The badge follows your face. Swapping the first photo asks you to verify again.

Verification confirms a person matches their photos. It is not an identity or age document check. Treat a verified badge on someone else's profile as a good start, not proof of who they are. How to get verified covers failures and fixes, and verification explains what the badge means.

Three ways to meet someone

You can wait to be found, apply for an invitation, or post your own. Most people use more than one.

Replying to messages

Read the profile before you reply. Look at their headline, their "what I offer" and whether they are verified. A reply that mentions something from their profile tells them you read it and invites a real conversation.

Thanks for your message. I saw you're into sailing. I've never been, but I'd like to hear what you love about it. What does a good weekend look like for you?

Thank you for reaching out. I don't think we're looking for the same thing, but I appreciate you being polite about it. All the best.

Applying for an invitation

Anyone can browse the Board. Verified members read the full listing and apply. Open the host's profile before you apply: it is linked from every listing, so you know who you would be meeting.

1. Answer the listing, not a template. Mention the occasion and say why it appeals. Hosts can tell a copied note in a line.
2. Say something only you would say. One detail about your taste or your week makes you a person, not an applicant.
3. Leave contact details out. Listings and notes that carry a phone number, email or handle are refused. Contact happens in messages after acceptance.
4. Withdraw if your plans change. You can withdraw an application any time before acceptance. Withdrawing costs nothing; a late cancellation does.

I'd love to come to the opening night. I saw the company's last production and still think about the second act. I'm easy company at a long dinner and I'll be ready on time. Happy to talk details if you'd like.

If you are accepted, a private conversation opens and you have 48 hours to confirm. Miss that and the acceptance lapses. Cancelling inside 24 hours, or not showing, is recorded; three in 90 days pause your applying for 30 days. The venue name, if the host gave one, is shown to you alone.

Talk about expectations and support early

Raise what you hope for after a few real exchanges and before a second date, ideally before the first. Say it in messages, where you both have time to think and a record of what you agreed. How to talk about an allowance goes through every reply you might get.

1. Agree time and frequency first. How often you meet shapes what support makes sense.
2. Ask plainly, once, with a reason. A reason such as rent or study makes the ask concrete and easy to discuss.
3. Frame support per month, never per meeting. An allowance on Dateable is support inside a relationship you both chose. It is never a price for time alone or for intimacy, and messages that price intimacy are refused.
4. Put what you agree in writing. Amount, schedule, and how much notice either of you gives before a change.

I like where this is going, so I'd rather be clear now than guess later. I'm hoping for an arrangement with a monthly allowance. Something around [amount] would make a real difference with my rent. How do you usually like to do it?

Dateable never holds, moves or guarantees money between members. An offer on a Board listing is the host's own statement.

The first date

1. Meet in public, somewhere with people around. A hotel bar, not the room. Board listings may not name a private home or a hotel room as a first meeting place, and you can hold every first date to that rule. If they change the venue at the last minute to somewhere you do not know, cancel ³.
2. Tell your trusted friend who, where and when. Say when you expect to be home, call when you get there, and consider sharing your location ³. Screenshot the profile and messages before you go ⁴.
3. Get there and home on your own. Your own transport means you choose when to leave. Charge your phone and keep sight of your drink ³.
4. Keep your details back. Your home address, workplace, surname and regular places stay private until you trust the person ³.
5. Keep it short. Ninety minutes over a drink or a meal is plenty. You can always make a second date; you cannot take back a long first one that went wrong.

I've had a lovely evening, and I'm going to head off now. My car's outside. Let's talk tomorrow.

After a Board date, each of you may leave a private rating from 1 to 5 and press "would meet again". Ratings are never public. They feed trust signals and moderation.

Scams aimed at your side

The best-known scam against attractive members starts with a generous offer. WA ScamNet describes two versions ⁶:

• The fee first. A "sugar daddy" offers to pay your bills or debts, then asks for a small payment as "proof of loyalty" or to cover fees, and disappears.
• The mistaken deposit. A large sum lands in your account, the sender says it was an error, and asks you to send it back as gift card codes. The deposit came from fraudulent accounts, it vanishes, and you are left in debt.

Other red flags: requests for your banking details, home address or phone number, pressure to move off the site, and requests for intimate photos ⁶. Scamwatch adds strong feelings declared quickly and excuses to avoid meeting or video calls ⁷.

Hold your boundaries

An arrangement can be warm and still have edges. In a healthy relationship you feel safe to say when you disagree. Someone controlling your decisions, money, social life or routine is a warning sign ⁹.

1. Name a limit before it is tested. Saying it early sounds like a preference, not an accusation.
2. Repeat it once, calmly, when pushed. You do not owe a new reason each time.
3. Leave when a limit is ignored. An allowance or a gift never buys an exception.

I'm not comfortable with that, and it isn't going to change. If it matters that much to you, we probably aren't a fit.

Your controls

Everything below sits in settings or one press from a profile or message.

• Block. A blocked member never sees you again: not in search, on the Board or in messages.
• Report. From a profile, a message or a listing. A listing two members report is hidden at once until it is reviewed. How to report and block shows what happens next.
• Revoke private album access. One member at a time, whenever you choose.
• Pause. Your profile is hidden and your data kept, for exams, travel or a new relationship.
• Delete. Your profile, photos, messages and applications are deleted within 30 days.

Money and records

General information, not advice. In Australia, gifts on special occasions are generally not declared as income, but gifts can be taxable when received as part of a business-like activity ¹⁰. Keep a simple record of what you receive and when, and check with the ATO or a registered tax agent about your own situation.

Questions people ask

Is Dateable free for sugar babies?

Yes. The attractive side, the member who is courted, is free. The generous side is free too: every feature, both sides, no credits. Joining costs nothing, and nobody on Dateable should ever ask you to pay to receive an allowance. A request for a fee, a loyalty payment or a small transfer before support arrives is a scam.

Do I have to be verified on Dateable?

Not to message: a complete profile is enough. Verification lets you read full Board listings, apply to invitations, post your own and see private albums you are granted, and it gives you the badge and a lift in search. It takes a live selfie holding a pose the app picks, which a reviewer compares with your photos. The selfie is deleted 30 days after the decision, and your badge shows the month you verified.

Who can see my private photos?

Only members you grant. Private albums hold up to 12 photos. A member requests access, you grant or refuse it, and you can revoke it later for that member alone. Every photo is reviewed before anyone else sees it, and location data is stripped when you upload. Keep anything that identifies where you live or work out of frame anyway.

When should a sugar baby bring up an allowance?

After a few real exchanges and before a second date, ideally before the first. Raise it in messages, once, plainly, with a reason such as rent or study. Frame it as monthly support inside the relationship, never as a price per meeting. Put the amount, schedule and notice for changes in writing so neither of you has to guess later.

How do I know a sugar daddy is real and not a scammer?

Check for a verified badge, then look for the red flags: an offer to pay your debts, a request for a fee first, a large deposit sent by mistake, requests for bank details or your address, and pressure to leave the site. Never pay to receive money and never send money back. Stop replying, screenshot, report and block, and call your bank if you shared anything.

Can an attractive member post an invitation on the Board?

Yes. Either side can post, once verified. Describe an evening you would enjoy, choose a kind such as dinner or an event, and let members apply. The listing is reviewed before it goes live, contact details are refused, and a first meeting cannot be at a private home or a hotel room. You see your applicants and accept one per place.

What happens if I cancel a date I was accepted for?

You can withdraw an application any time before acceptance at no cost. Once accepted, you have 48 hours to confirm. Cancelling inside 24 hours of the date, or not showing, is recorded; three in 90 days pause your applying for 30 days. If you must cancel, give a reason through the cancel button as early as you can.

Sources

1. Scull, M. T. (2026). The Sweet and the Salty: Women's Definitions and Negotiations of Power in Sugar Relationships.
2. Stenersen, M. R., Meinerding, M., Fricke, I., & Umrani, A. (2026). Sugar coated connections: A scoping review of sugar dating.
3. Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
4. eSafety Commissioner (2026). Online dating | How to stay safe.
5. 1800RESPECT (2026). 1800RESPECT.
6. WA ScamNet (Government of Western Australia, Consumer Protection) (2026). Sugar baby scam.
7. Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Relationship scams.
8. eSafety Commissioner (2026). Image-based abuse (including revenge porn, sextortion and nude image blackmail).
9. Healthdirect Australia (2025). Building and maintaining healthy relationships.
10. Australian Taxation Office (2026). Amounts you do not include as income.