Guides

Accepting, confirming and cancelling

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How hosts accept a guest and guests confirm on the Board, how to cancel fairly, what a no-show costs, and how the private rating works.

9 minute readUpdated 2026-09-30

By the end of this guide you will have accepted a guest or confirmed an invitation on the Board, and you will know how to cancel without a mark against your name. You will also know what a no-show costs, and how to leave the private rating after the date.

It covers both sides. Hosts are the members who posted the invitation; guests are the members who applied. Each section says who it is for.

How an invitation moves, start to finish

Every invitation on the Board follows the same path once it is open. Knowing the stages tells you what the other person sees and what they are waiting for.

Three other endings exist. The host can close the listing. It expires when the close date passes. And either of you can cancel, with a reason.

For hosts: choosing and accepting a guest

You posted an invitation and the applications are in. You see the applicants in My listings; nobody else sees them.

1. Read every note before you mark anyone. Each applicant wrote 50 to 800 characters for this invitation alone. A note that answers your details and your "looking for" line shows someone who read the listing.
2. Open each applicant's profile. Only verified members can apply, so the face matches the photos. The profile tells you the rest: what they want, where they live, how they write.
3. Shortlist generously, decline promptly. Mark the maybes shortlisted so you can compare them side by side. Decline the clear no's early. The decline message is kind and fixed, so you never write a rejection, and they are free to apply elsewhere sooner.
4. Accept one person per place. Most invitations have one place; you may have set up to four. Accepting opens a private conversation with that guest and tells the others the place is filled.
5. Send a first message straight away. The guest has 48 hours to confirm. A warm note makes confirming easy and gives them what they need to decide.
6. Share the venue in the conversation. If you listed a venue name, only your accepted guest sees it. Say it again plainly, with the time and the dress code, so nothing is left to guess.

A first message to your accepted guest can be this short:

"Thank you for applying. Your note about the menu made me smile, and I would love you to join me. It's Friday at 7.30 at the restaurant on the listing, smart casual. Confirm when you are ready, and ask me anything first."

If the guest does not confirm

After 48 hours without a confirmation the acceptance lapses, and you may accept another applicant. Your shortlist is still there. Before you move on, one short message is fair:

"No pressure at all. If Friday doesn't suit, just say so and I'll offer the place to someone else."

For guests: confirming an invitation

You were accepted. The invitation shows as accepted in My applications, and a private conversation with the host is open. You have 48 hours.

1. Read the host's message and the listing again. Check the day, the time, the city and what the host said they provide. The offer on a listing is the host's own statement; Dateable does not hold or guarantee it.
2. Ask your questions before you confirm, not after. Where exactly, how long, what to wear, whether the plan has changed. Confirming means you are coming, so settle the details first.
3. Check your diary honestly. Only confirm a date you can keep. A late cancellation is recorded; a date you never confirmed is not.
4. Confirm, and say so in the conversation. Pressing confirm tells the system. A line in the conversation tells the person.
5. If you cannot take it, say so now. Letting 48 hours run out works, but it leaves the host waiting. A short no frees the place for someone else today.

Questions before confirming:

"Thank you, I'd love to. Before I confirm: is it still Friday at 7.30, and is it smart casual or dressier? And roughly how long do you have in mind?"

Confirming:

"Confirmed. I'm looking forward to it. See you at 7.30."

Saying no, kindly:

"Thank you for choosing me. My week has changed and I can't make Friday, so I'd rather tell you now than let it hang. I hope it's a lovely evening."

Before the date: both of you

The day before, you both receive the first-date safety checklist. It is the same list whether you are the host or the guest. The full version lives in First date safety; these are the steps that matter most for a Board date.

1. Tell someone you trust who, when and where. Give them the venue, the time you expect to be home, and the member's display name. Call them when you get home ².
2. Screenshot the listing and the conversation. A record helps if anything goes wrong later, and eSafety advises screenshotting a person's profile and messages before you meet ³.
3. Arrange your own way there and home. Your own transport means you choose when you leave ².
4. Send a short note the day before. It confirms the plan and gives either of you a last easy moment to raise a problem.
5. Keep your phone charged and your drink in sight. Standard advice from police for anyone meeting someone they met online ⁴.

"Looking forward to tomorrow. Still 7.30 at the restaurant? I'll be the one in navy."

Cancelling fairly

Plans change. Either of you can cancel a confirmed date, and the cancel button asks for a reason. The Board does not punish honest changes of plan. It records late ones, because a late cancellation costs the other person an evening they kept free.

1. Cancel as early as you know. The record only counts cancellations inside 24 hours, so a day's notice keeps you clear and gives the other person time to make other plans.
2. Give the real reason, briefly. Illness, work, travel, a change of heart: all are fine. The reason is for the record and for the other person, so write it plainly.
3. Send a message as well as pressing cancel. The button changes the status. A few words keep your name good with this member.
4. If you feel unsafe, cancel anyway. A recorded cancellation is a small price. Your safety is not a thing to trade against a pause in posting or applying.

"I'm so sorry, I have to cancel tomorrow: a work trip came up this afternoon. I didn't want to leave it to the last minute. If you're still open to it, I'd like to try another evening."

"I need to cancel tonight. I'm unwell and wouldn't be good company. I'm sorry for the short notice."

When someone does not show

Being stood up stings. It is also common in dating generally: in one study of young adults, most had both ghosted someone and been ghosted themselves ⁵. The Board is built to make it rarer.

1. Wait a sensible time, then message once. Twenty minutes is generous. A single message covers a flat battery or a wrong address.
2. Leave when you are ready. You do not need permission, and police advice is clear: do not feel bad about cutting a date short if it does not feel right ⁴.
3. Let the record do its work. A guest who does not show is recorded against the fair-play rules. Three in 90 days pauses their applying for 30 days.
4. If the host does not show, report it. The rules record a host's late cancellation. A host who simply fails to arrive is something the review team should hear about.
5. Use the private rating. After the date you each may rate the other. A no-show is exactly what the rating is for.

"I'm at the bar near the window. Are you still coming? I'll wait until 8."

After the date: the private rating

Once the date is completed, each of you may leave a rating from 1 to 5 and press "would meet again". Ratings are never public. No member sees your score, and nobody sees theirs. They feed Dateable's trust signals and moderation, so a pattern of poor dates reaches the people who review members.

1. Rate the date you had, not the one you hoped for. A pleasant evening without a spark is still a good date. Keep low scores for lateness, rudeness, pressure or a plan that changed without warning.
2. Press "would meet again" only if you mean it. It is the clearest signal you can give.
3. Report, do not just rate, anything that broke the rules. A rating is a quiet signal. A report puts a specific problem in front of a person. If someone asked for money, pushed past a no or hurt you, report it; the community rules list what counts.
4. Say thank you in the conversation. The rating is private. A message is what the other person actually reads.

"Thank you for tonight. I loved the restaurant, and the conversation even more. I'd like to do it again."

"Thank you for dinner. I enjoyed meeting you, though I don't think we're the right match. I wish you a lovely rest of the week."

If the evening was good and you want another, you no longer need the Board. Talk in your conversation, and read how to talk about expectations before you agree anything ongoing.

Questions people ask

How long do I have to confirm a Board invitation?

48 hours from the moment the host accepts you. If you do not confirm in that time, the acceptance lapses and the host may accept another applicant. If you already know you cannot go, say so in the conversation straight away rather than letting the clock run out; it frees the place for someone else and keeps your name good with the host.

What happens if I cancel a date on Dateable?

Either person can cancel a confirmed date, with a reason. Cancelling more than 24 hours before is not recorded. Cancelling inside 24 hours is. Three recorded late cancellations in 90 days pause posting for a host, or applying for a guest, for 30 days. Send a short message as well as pressing cancel.

What happens if someone does not show up to a date?

A guest who does not show is recorded under the fair-play rules, the same as a late cancellation: three in 90 days pauses their applying for 30 days. If a host fails to arrive, report it so the review team knows. Either way, message once, wait a reasonable time, and leave when you are ready.

Can a host accept more than one person?

Only if the invitation has more than one place. A listing has one place by default and up to four. The host accepts one applicant per place, and each accepted guest gets a private conversation with the host. When the places are filled, the other applicants are told.

Are Dateable ratings public?

No. After a completed date each person may leave a private rating from 1 to 5 and press "would meet again". No member sees ratings, including their own. Ratings feed Dateable's trust signals and moderation. For anything that broke the rules, such as a request for money or pressure after a no, make a report as well.

Do I have to pay anything to attend a Board invitation?

No. A listing may not ask a guest to pay, send a deposit, or buy gift cards, and such listings are refused. Dateable never holds, moves or guarantees money between members; the offer on a listing is the host's own statement. If anyone asks you for money before a date, stop and report the conversation.

What does a host see when they decline me?

The host marks you declined and you receive a kind, fixed message. The host does not write it, so there is no personal rejection to read. You are free to apply for other invitations at once. You can also withdraw an application yourself while the listing is open.

Sources

1. Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Relationship scams.
2. Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
3. eSafety Commissioner (2026). Online dating | How to stay safe.
4. New Zealand Police (2026). Safety advice.
5. LeFebvre, L. E., Allen, M., Rasner, R. D., Garstad, S., Wilms, A., & Parrish, C. (2019). Ghosting in Emerging Adults' Romantic Relationships: The Digital Dissolution Disappearance Strategy.
6. 1800RESPECT (2026). 1800RESPECT.