DateableSigns dating is hurting your mental health
If your sleep, mood, friendships or drinking have changed for weeks since you started dating, those are signals to pause and reassess.
Dating should make you feel hopeful or excited, not permanently stressed. If you notice your sleep, mood, friendships or drinking have shifted noticeably for weeks, that is a signal to slow down and look at what is happening. One small change is noise; two or more changes that last are worth taking seriously.
The signs to watch
A shift in your mental state can creep up on you. It is worth checking in with yourself regularly. Ask yourself:
- Do you feel dread before you check your messages from dating contacts, or before you are about to meet someone?
- Has your sleep got worse: taking longer to fall asleep, waking in the night, or waking too early?
- Are you seeing friends less often or turning down invitations you used to enjoy?
- Are you drinking more than you used to, or drinking to feel less anxious?
- Do you feel worse about how you look or your body?
- Are you worried about money more often, or having thoughts about what you need to afford or provide?
These are not small things. If two or more of these ring true and they have been happening for more than a few weeks, it is time to act.
Why dating can hurt
Dating apps and dating in general come with inherent stress. You are putting yourself out there, facing rejection, managing your expectations and often managing others' expectations too. Research on swipe-based dating apps found that using them was associated with higher psychological distress and depression; the more frequent and longer the use, the greater the distress 1.
That does not mean dating is bad for everyone. But if you notice that dating has coincided with changes in your mood, sleep or habits, it is worth asking whether the trade-off is working for you right now.
Step back and ask why
When you notice changes, ask yourself what is actually causing them. Is it a particular person you are talking to or seeing? Is it the volume of messages and matches? Is it the rejection, or the choice, or the fact that you are not meeting the kind of person you want to? Is it the pressure you are putting on yourself to find someone? Or is it something else entirely: money stress, work stress or problems in your other relationships that have nothing to do with dating?
Often the answer is specific. Maybe talking to one particular person is making you anxious, and the solution is to stop talking to them. Maybe it is opening the app first thing in the morning that is affecting your mood, and the solution is to set boundaries around when you use it. Maybe you are spending money you do not have to go on dates, and the solution is to suggest cheaper outings or pause for now.
What to do first
The simplest thing is to pause. You do not have to delete the app or end your dating life. You can simply step back for a week or two and notice what changes. Do you sleep better? Do you feel less anxious when you check your phone? Do you see your friends more? If you feel noticeably better when you are not dating, that is information.
I noticed I was feeling terrible before every date. I decided to pause dating for a month, and it was like a weight lifted. When I came back, I knew I needed to be way more selective about who I would meet.
Sometimes the pause becomes permanent. Sometimes you come back to it with clearer boundaries. Either way, taking a break gives you space to think clearly.
Set boundaries or make changes
If you do not want to stop dating entirely, look for what you can change. If the sheer volume of messages is overwhelming, mute notifications or set a time limit for when you will use the app. If you are spending money you cannot afford, agree with yourself that you will suggest coffee instead of dinner, or walks instead of drinks. If a particular person is making you anxious, stop talking to them. If you are feeling inadequate about your appearance, delete the app that makes you compare yourself most.
Small changes can make a big difference. You are allowed to change what you are doing whenever you want, and you do not owe anyone an explanation.
Get help if feelings affect your everyday life
If what you are experiencing starts to affect your work, your study, or the way you function day to day, reach out for professional support. After a break-up or period of relationship stress, feelings like anger, shock or grief are normal 2. But if those feelings persist and start to affect your daily activities, that is the time to talk to someone trained to help.
Beyond Blue's counsellors are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and you do not need a diagnosis or appointment: call 1300 22 4636 or use webchat 3. They are free and confidential. There is no shame in reaching out, and the earlier you do, the earlier you feel better.
Sources
- Holtzhausen, N., Fitzgerald, K., Thakur, I., Ashley, J., Rolfe, M., & Pit, S. W. (2020). Swipe-based dating applications use and its association with mental health outcomes: a cross-sectional study.
- Healthdirect Australia (2025). Coping with family break-up, separation or divorce.
- Beyond Blue (2026). Talk to a counsellor.
