DateableShould you drink on a date if you usually do not?
No. Order what you like and skip the explanation. You do not owe your date a drink, a reason, or a performance.
No. Order what you like and skip the explanation. You do not owe your date a drink, a reason, or a performance, and a date where you can be yourself is always better than one where you are not.
Why people drink on dates
Dates can feel high-stakes, and alcohol numbs that feeling. It gives you an exit strategy: a drink gives you something to do with your hands and your eyes. It smooths the silences and fills the pauses where you might otherwise feel exposed. But alcohol also makes it harder to think clearly if you need to make a quick decision about what is happening or whether you want it to continue.
You cannot consent if you are impaired by alcohol or drugs 1. If something shifts on the date, if your date says or does something that makes you uncomfortable, you need your mind clear enough to notice and respond. Alcohol gets in the way.
Some people drink because it is what dates look like. Bar dates, wine tastings, sunset cocktails. The setting is built around the drink, and you walk in assuming you will follow that script. But a script is not the same as a choice. You do not have to follow it.
What to say
If your date asks what you are drinking, answer plainly:
I am ordering a sparkling water with lemon, thanks.
To a waiter who assumes you want wine:
No alcohol for me, thanks. Sparkling water is good.
That is all you need. No apology, no excuse, no medical reason, no story about why you do not drink. The less you explain, the less the moment sits in the room. You are allowed to order what you want. It does not need a justification.
Good non-alcoholic choices
At a bar, you can order:
- Sparkling water with lemon or lime. It looks intentional and tastes fine.
- Tonic water on its own. You can add a lime for flavour.
- Iced tea, hot tea, or coffee, depending on the time of day.
- A virgin mojito or virgin margarita. Ask the bar to make it well: fresh lime, good soda, or ginger beer. Many bars do this without needing to ask, and will treat it with the same care as a regular cocktail.
- Ginger ale or ginger beer. Interesting, not cloyingly sweet.
- Fresh juice with soda. Cranberry and soda looks like a drink and tastes good.
At a restaurant, the options are simpler:
- Still or sparkling water, nicely served. This is fine.
- Coffee after the meal.
- Tea, iced or hot.
- Juice or cordial if they have it. A good restaurant will make this properly, not from a machine.
- Ginger ale, or what they call a mocktail. This varies by restaurant, but asking never hurts.
The point is not to be impressive. The point is to drink something you actually want to drink.
If your date pushes back
Your date might say you are no fun, or ask again, or make it strange. Some will. They may frame it as teasing, or concern, or just curiosity. Do not negotiate on this.
A simple response:
I am fine with this. What are you having?
Change the subject. Move the conversation forward. If they keep pushing, you have learned something useful: they do not respect your choices. Know the difference between a boundary you are setting and a boundary someone else is asking you to respect, and keep this one.
Dates not built around drinks
Ask for date ideas that give you something to do and to talk about: a gallery, a walk, a museum, a market, a sports event, a cooking class, a picnic, a long drive to somewhere interesting. Anything where the place is actually interesting, not just a backdrop for the drink. You both have more to say and less to prove. When you do meet over food or a drink, it is a bonus, not the whole point.
On first dates especially
Your first date is when you need your wits sharpest. You are deciding whether to trust this person, whether the photos match their face, whether they are who they say they are. You are noticing how they listen, how they handle it when you disagree about something small, whether they take up space or make space for you. You need to think clearly, notice things that feel off, and make decisions about whether you want to see them again. Alcohol gets in the way of all of that.
You also do not know whether this person respects consent yet. How they react when you decline a drink is information. Some people will order one without thinking about it. Some will push. Some will accept and move on. Pay attention to how your date responds when you say no. It tells you something true about how they listen and how they respect your choices.
Sources
- Healthdirect Australia (2023). Sexual assault and rape.
