DateableHow to suggest a date idea you want, with examples
Frame it as something you want to share, not something you want bought. Suggest a real date, be clear about cost, and take a no gracefully.
Say it as something you want to share, not something you want bought. A date you're genuinely excited about, and you're asking them along, is easy to say yes to. A date that reads as an interview or a transaction is easy to say no to.
The difference between asking and offering
Most date suggestions sound like purchase proposals. "I could take you to that restaurant" or "I could buy you dinner at the Ritz" puts them in the position of accepting a gift or a service. It feels like you're trying to impress them, or buy their time. The generous member feels like a customer, the attractive member feels like they're being bought.
The other way around is to ask them to do something with you. "There's an exhibition I've wanted to see for weeks. Would you come with me?" That says you have an interest, you want their company, and the cost is beside the point.
Frame it right
- Say what you want to do, not what you'll pay for them to do.
- Give it specificity: the place, the time, the date if you have it in mind.
- Say you want them there, not that you want to buy them an experience.
- Make it easy to say no.
The best way to do that last one is to suggest something you genuinely want to do. If your first choice is genuinely something you'd do alone if they said no, the suggestion reads as honest.
A free or cheap idea
Say it this way:
The farmers market opens at ten on Saturday. I'm going to grab coffee there and look around. Would you want to come?
This works because there's no ambiguity about cost. You're not trying to impress anyone. You're doing something you do anyway, and their company would make it better. If they say no, you still go. If they say yes, you already know what you're doing and when, which makes planning simple.
An expensive idea
You can absolutely suggest something pricey. Just be honest about what it costs, and own that you want to pay for it.
There's a show I've wanted to see for months. I'm going to book tickets for next Friday. They're about $80 each. I'd really like you to come. What do you think?
You've just told them: this is genuinely something you want to do, the cost is real, you know what it is, and you want to pay for them. Now they can decide if they want to go with you, and they're not guessing at a hidden price tag or trying to decode your intentions. Some people will say yes because they want to see it too. Some will say yes because they like you and they're comfortable with you paying. Some will say no. All of those are fine.
An idea that needs planning
If it needs more work, propose it early and ask them in. Don't plan the whole thing and then spring it on them.
I'm thinking about spending a long weekend in Melbourne in October. I know a couple of places I want to check out. Would you want to come? We could work out the details together.
You've shared your plan early. You're letting them help design it. You're not trying to impress them by orchestrating everything. They know it's a trip you wanted to take anyway, and they're invited to shape what it looks like. Offer to organise the main structure (flights, where you're staying, what it costs) once they say yes.
When the cost matters
Some people need to know the cost upfront, and they'll tell you if they can't do it. That's information. Never hide the price or spring it on them. If you're paying for their ticket or their meal, say so. If they're paying their own way, say that too. If you're splitting it, say that.
You might say: "It's free to get in, but parking is $20 and lunch is separate." Or: "My treat." Or: "We can split it if you like." These are three sentences, and each one works.
If they say no, or offer something else
Take it well. Say no or a counter-offer gracefully and mean it. Don't sulk or hint that they should have said yes. Don't offer to pay if they asked you not to.
If they suggest something different, you get to say yes or no. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. A good date idea is one both of you want to do, not one you talked each other into.
Why this matters
You're on Dateable because you talk about expectations. So from the start, show what you're like. You're straightforward. You know what you want to do. You say it plainly. You don't try to manipulate or impress. You offer something genuine, and you let them decide if they want in.
That's also how to write a first message that gets a reply. Be specific. Show who you are. Make it easy for the other person to answer. A good date suggestion does all of those things. If they already like you, you'll get a yes. If they don't, no amount of money will change that. So spend your money on things you want to do anyway, and ask the people who want to go along.
