DateableWhat to do in the first hours after a date leaves you shaken
Get home or to a friend, tell someone you trust, eat and drink water, and sleep before you decide anything tonight.
After a date that leaves you shaken, the first hours matter. Get somewhere safe, tell one trusted person, eat and drink water, and make no decisions tonight.
Get home or to a friend
Your priority right now is to be somewhere you feel safe. If you are still out, leave and go to a place where you know you are secure: your own home, a friend's place or a family member's house.
Use your own transport if you can. If the date drove you or you came together, take a taxi, rideshare, public transport or call someone to pick you up. Do not let them drive you home, and do not go back to their place on the pretence of collecting keys or a jacket.
Do not worry about being polite or giving the date time to explain. You are allowed to leave. Walking out mid-conversation is fine. Blocking them after you leave is fine.
Tell one trusted person
Once you are somewhere safe, message or call someone you trust. Do not wait to process what happened first. Just tell someone: a friend, a family member, a partner, or anyone you know will believe you and not judge you.
You do not have to give them all the details. Say what happened in one sentence if that is all you can manage:
I went on a date tonight and something happened that frightened me. I am at home now and I am safe. I need to talk to someone about it.
Now someone else knows, and you are not holding it alone.
Look after your body
You may not feel like eating or drinking. Do it anyway. Shock and adrenaline mask hunger and thirst. Eat something small and drink water. If you can, add something with salt and sugar: toast with jam, a banana, a cup of tea.
Shower if you want to, but only if you choose to. You do not need to wash anything away. If you think you may want to report what happened to police or a service later, consider waiting before you shower, as physical evidence can be important.
Rest, even if you cannot sleep. Lie down, put on something familiar, wrap yourself in something soft. Your nervous system is in overdrive and needs quiet.
Do not reply tonight
They may message you. Do not reply. Not tonight. Not to explain, not to tell them they upset you, not to ask what they were thinking. You do not owe them a conversation while you are still shaken.
Tomorrow, when you have slept and you can think straight, you can decide what to do: whether to reply, whether to block, whether to report. For now, your job is only to be safe and to rest.
Screenshot anything you may need
If something happened during the date that you may want to refer to later, take a screenshot now. This includes any messages they sent you before or after the date, any photos you took or they took of you, and any evidence of what they did or said.
Do this tonight, before anything can be edited or deleted, and before you decide your next step. Screenshot their profile too. Do not reply while you do it.
Sleep before you decide
Tonight, make no decisions about whether to report, whether to stay silent, whether the date's behaviour was acceptable or not. You have had a shock, and shock is a poor time to decide anything.
Sleep, or at least rest. Most people think more clearly once the adrenaline has settled. Decide what comes next tomorrow. Nothing has to be settled tonight.
If you were assaulted
If what happened included unwanted sexual contact, it is not your fault. It does not matter what you wore, what you said, what you did before the date or what you said yes to. You did not consent to what happened, and that person is the one who did something wrong.
You can get help. A hospital or sexual assault service can provide support, medical care if you need it, and information about reporting to police. They exist to help you, not to judge you. After an assault: go somewhere safe, tell someone you trust, and reach out for help 1.
1800RESPECT answers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week 2. They help with sexual assault, sexual harassment, stalking and abuse. You can call, text, chat online or video call. If you are in an emergency, call 000.
Tomorrow, once you have slept and eaten, decide what you want to do. You have options. You can block the person and forget them. You can report them to Dateable, and a person on the team reviews it. You can report to police if what happened is a crime. You can talk to a counsellor. You can do all of these, or some, or none. The choice is yours. The guide to what to do if something goes wrong walks through each option in detail. You can report a profile or a message to Dateable's team. Safety has resources and support numbers.
Sources
- Healthdirect Australia (2023). Sexual assault and rape.
- 1800RESPECT (2026). 1800RESPECT.
