DateableWhat to check on a profile before you reply to a message
Check five things before you reply: the Verified badge, photos of one person, a voice that matches the message, a clear aim and a plausible city.
You get lots of messages. Five quick checks on a profile tell you whether it is worth your time to reply to each one. No single gap is a reason to delete the message, but two or three together say you should ask questions first.
Check if they are verified
Look for the Verified badge and the month beside it. A verified member took a live selfie in a pose the app chose, and a reviewer matched it to their profile photos. So the badge tells you the person matches their photos. It does not check their name, age documents, job or income, so it says nothing about whether the rest of the profile is true.
On Dateable, any member with a complete profile can send messages, so check whether the person who wrote to you carries the Verified badge. The badge is your starting point, and the checks below tell you the rest.
Look at the photos
Do they look like the same person across all the photos? If one photo shows them in sunglasses and a hat and another shows the same face bare, that is normal. If the eyes, the nose, the face shape and the skin tone change, that is not. Multiple people's photos mixed into one profile is one of the oldest scam patterns.
Check for photos where the background, the season or the age of the car changes. Those changes show the photos were taken at different times, which is a good sign. A profile with one photo taken yesterday and all the rest from two years ago is worth questioning. Does the person in the newer photo look like the person from before?
Read the profile text and compare it to the message
Good profiles are written in a person's own voice. Someone who writes "Hi babe, u look sexy" to you, but whose profile is careful and grammatical, might be copy-pasting messages to everyone. Someone whose profile has spelling mistakes and casual language, then messages you in formal, perfect English, is doing the same thing. A scammer often writes many messages at once and does not bother to match their tone.
Compare not just the grammar but the words they use. If their profile says they love reading and travel, do they ask you anything about books or destinations? If their profile says they want a real connection, do they try to move the conversation somewhere private, like WhatsApp, after one exchange? Mismatches between what the profile says and what the message does are worth noticing.
Check what they say they are looking for
A good profile states what the person is looking for. Are they clear about it? Do they say "generous" or "attractive" or do they dance around it? If their profile is blank on this or they seem unclear, it might be because they are new to sugar dating, or it might be because they are testing you.
If someone messages you without a clear idea of what they want, it is fair to ask them directly. You do not need to guess. A person who knows what they want can answer the question in a sentence.
Before we go further, I want to make sure we are looking for the same thing. What does a good arrangement look like to you?
Check the location
A real person has a real location. Check the city on their profile against what they say in the message. If they are asking to meet you in Sydney but their profile says they live in Melbourne and work overseas, that is a reason to pause.
Scammers often claim to be nearby for work but based somewhere far away. They make excuses for why they cannot meet for a while. A person in a plausible location, with a story that makes sense, is less likely to be testing you.
When gaps are a pattern
No single gap on this checklist is proof of anything. People are messy. Good people have photos from different eras. Good people write short profiles. Good people are unclear about what they want until they talk it through.
But when two or three of these gaps appear in the same profile, that is a pattern. Their photos seem inconsistent, their profile says nothing about what they want, and their message reads like a copy-paste. Or their location does not add up and their profile text does not match their message. When you see a pattern like that, you do not need to reply. You can ask questions first.
How to ask without accusation
If a profile has gaps, you can ask about them as if you are curious, not suspicious. Do not accuse. Do not say "You look fake" or "That does not match". Instead, ask for what you need.
Your profile says you live in London but work in Sydney. When are you usually here?
Or:
Your photos look like they span a few years. Which one is most like you now?
A person who is genuine will answer. Someone who is not will dodge or disappear.
When a check turns into a warning
These checks sort messages worth answering from messages worth questioning. They do not catch every scam. If a reply moves to money, gift cards, a deposit or a request to talk on another app, stop and read how to spot a scam. If you have not verified yet yourself, get verified: you need it to reply, and your own badge tells the other person the same thing theirs tells you.
