DateableCheck-in messages to send a friend while you travel, with examples
Short messages at fixed times tell your friend you are safe and well. They know when to worry if a check-in is missed.
Send your friend a short, fixed message at set times while you are away: when you land, when you reach the hotel, each evening, and when you get home. Each one tells them you are fine, and a missing one tells them when to worry.
Why check-ins work
A check-in is not a conversation. It is a signal. You send one at the airport, at the hotel, each evening, and when you get home. Your friend reads it and knows: no news is good news. If the message does not come at the expected time, they have a reason to follow up.
Check-ins matter most when you travel to meet someone you met online. Safety advice is to tell a trusted person who you are with, when and where, and when you expect to be home, then call them when you get there. 1 The same advice suggests letting them track your phone. Check-ins work alongside that, or instead of it if tracking feels like too much. The first date safety guide covers the rest of the plan.
The check-in works because it creates a pattern. Your friend learns to expect the message at a particular time. When it does not arrive, the silence is loud. You do not have to discuss how worried they should be or what counts as an emergency: you have a standing agreement. If they hear from you at ten PM, the day was fine. If they do not, something has changed.
The landing check-in
Send this message as soon as you have cleared security and can use your phone:
Landed in Sydney. Got my luggage. On my way to the hotel.
The arrival check-in
Send this once you are in your hotel room with the door closed:
At the hotel, room 412, door locked. Next check-in at ten.
The daily check-in
Pick a time each evening and send the same message every night. Ten PM works for most travellers. It tells your friend the day is done and you are safe in your room:
All safe. Back in the room. Will check in again tomorrow at ten.
That is all you need. Send it every night while you are away, from the same device, at the same time. Do not say where you are, what you did that day, or how the other person treated you. The check-in is just proof you got back to your room in one piece. When you are in the room, you can decide if you want to talk more or if the trip did not work out.
If you are meeting your date for dinner or an activity that runs late, adjust your check-in time. Tell your friend: 'I will check in at midnight instead because we are having dinner at ten.' That way, if the message does not arrive at midnight, they know something changed, not that you are being careless.
The home check-in
Once you have left the hotel and are on your way home, send:
Left the hotel. At the airport now. Will message when I land.
And when you are home:
Landed. Home. Safe.
Time zones and check-in times
If you are travelling across time zones, convert your check-in time to your friend's time, not the local time where you are. If you are in Sydney and your friend is in Melbourne, the time difference is small. But if you are in Sydney and your friend is in London, you need to sort this out before you leave.
Look up the time difference for your travel dates, because daylight saving shifts it. Then agree one time and write it in both zones: "10 pm Tokyo time, which is 11 pm in Sydney." When you land tired and unsure what day it is, the written time still tells you when to send.
The code word
Before you leave, choose a code word with your friend that means 'call me, something feels wrong'. It is a single word you can text without drawing attention. When you send it, your friend calls you straight away, even if it seems strange. Pick an ordinary word you would never send by accident, such as 'lighthouse', so it reads as nothing to anyone looking over your shoulder.
The code word is not for emergencies. It is for 'I need to talk to someone I trust right now, and I cannot do it in front of this person.' Your friend does not need you to explain why. They call, you pick up, you tell them you need to cut the date short or just take a break. That conversation happens after you hang up with your friend.
What your friend does if a check-in is missed
Your friend holds off for ten minutes. Planes delay. Messages fail. Then they send you a simple message: 'Everything okay?' If there is no reply within ten minutes, they:
- Call you.
- If you do not pick up, they call your hotel and ask for your room.
- If the hotel cannot find you, they contact the local police with a description, the number of your phone, and the photo of the person you were meeting. They tell police they have not heard from you and do not know where you are.
Give your friend what they need for that before you leave: your flight numbers, the hotel name and address, and your date's name and Dateable profile. For the rest of your plan, see safety on Dateable.
Sources
- Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
