DateableEarly signs in chat that a match will not respect your limits
Watch for jokes about your boundaries, disrespectful comments and pressure to move fast. These early signs show who will not respect your limits.
The way someone messages shows how they will treat a no. Watch for jokes about your rules, disrespectful comments, requests for photos, a rush to meet, pressure to meet somewhere private, a camera that "does not work", and a meeting place that changes at the last minute.
Jokes about your stated rules
You may have said something clear about what you want or do not want. Someone who respects it acknowledges it and moves on. Someone who jokes about it keeps it light on the surface, but the message is the same: your rule does not matter to them.
If you have said "I will not send intimate photos", and they respond with "we will see" or "that is what they all say", take that seriously. If you have said you want to meet in public first, and they tease you about being cautious, they are signalling that they do not plan to respect that boundary.
I wasn't joking about meeting in public first. If that doesn't work for you, no hard feelings, but it's how I do this.
Disrespectful or dismissive language
eSafety lists disrespectful comments, and a profile that does not match how someone acts or sounds, as red flags 1. If a match makes jokes at your expense, ignores things you have told them, or talks down to you, you are seeing how they behave while they are still trying to impress you. Take it at face value.
Pressure to move fast or meet privately
Someone who rushes to meet you very quickly, or who keeps suggesting you come to their place instead of meeting in public, is communicating what they want and when. Moving fast does not leave you time to check whether they match their photos, think through what you want, or talk to people you trust. WA's Sexual Assault Resource Centre advises taking your time and video chatting first to check they are who they claim to be 2; someone who rushes you past that step is asking you to skip it.
If someone pushes to meet at their place or yours, say no. The same service is plain: never go to their place, or have them come to yours, on a first date 2.
Requests for intimate photos and technical excuses
Boundary-pushers often ask for intimate photos before you have met. They may also claim their camera "does not work" on video chat, which is a common catfish sign 1. Refuse to send sexualised photos: once shared they can never be completely deleted, and they may be used for threats or extortion 2.
If their camera never works but they are happy to see you on video, treat it as a sign they are not who they say they are, and trust your instincts 1.
Last-minute changes to where you will meet
You have agreed to meet in a public place with other people around. Then, shortly before the date, they want to change the location to somewhere quieter, more private or somewhere you do not know. If they change the place at the last minute to somewhere you do not know, the right answer is to cancel 2.
Someone who respects your boundaries respects your safety. A plain reply covers it:
I'd like to keep to the place we agreed. If that doesn't work today, let's pick another day.
If they argue, or the new place is their home or a hotel room, cancel. You do not need a better reason.
How to respond
When you see these signs, you have two options: name what you see and see how they respond, or end the conversation. Either is fine. There is no obligation to educate someone or give them a second chance, especially when their behaviour shows you exactly who they are.
If you name it, be direct: "I've mentioned this twice now. Please drop it." Some people apologise and stop. If they do it again, you have your answer.
You can also end it without explanation. Block them, and report the account if they pressured you for photos or money, so a person at Dateable can look at it; the guide to report and block shows how. You do not need to tell them why or answer their follow-up messages. Some of these signs, such as a camera that never works, are also scam patterns: spot a scam lists the rest.
Before you meet
If none of these signs appeared and you decide to meet, screenshot their profile and messages, tell someone who, when and where you are going, share your location with them, and trust your instincts 1.
Your own messages set the tone too. Stating your limits early and plainly, from the first message onward, gives a pushy match less to joke about and makes a push easier to spot.
Sources
- eSafety Commissioner (2026). Online dating | How to stay safe.
- Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
