DateableHow to plan a first date when one of you travels in
Keep your first meeting short and public even if someone travelled. Book your own accommodation and have your exit ticket ready.
Keep the first meeting short and public even when someone travelled for it, and never make the trip conditional on anything. The traveller books their own room in their own name and holds a return ticket that does not depend on how the date goes, and you both agree beforehand that either of you can cut it short.
Before they book their flight
Talk it through before tickets are bought. A first date is not the same as a weekend trip. The traveller needs their own accommodation under their own name, paid for with their own money. They need their own way home: a return flight or train ticket that leaves when it says it will, not one that depends on how the date goes. They need an exit if things feel wrong.
Make clear what you are planning. Confirm these before they book their flight:
- The exact date and time of the first meeting
- The location and that it is public and busy
- How long you expect to spend together
- That they arrange their own accommodation and return transport
- That either of you can end the date early
Tell them where you will meet and how far it is from the airport or their accommodation so they can plan their own transport.
Accommodation
The person who travelled should book and pay for their own room, under their own name. No shared booking. No last-minute offer to stay with you. The traveller should have a private space they control, with their own key and their own payment method on file. It keeps their independence and their exit.
If you are the one travelling, do not accept an offer to "sort out the accommodation". If you are the host, do not make one. Money sent before two people have met is the pattern scammers use, in both directions 1, so keep costs separate until you have met. The traveller keeps the confirmation and the right to change plans without checking with anyone.
Meet in a public place
Choose somewhere busy and public, away from your home and away from their hotel room. A cafe, a park with other people, a market, a museum. Police advise a place with lots of people around, in daylight, with your location shared with friends 2.
Do not suggest meeting at their accommodation, even for coffee, and do not invite them to your place. Never go to their place, or have them come to yours, on a first date 3. A hotel bar downstairs is fine; the room is not.
Tell someone where you will be
Both of you tell someone trusted who you are meeting, where, when, and when you expect to be back, and call them afterwards 3. The traveller's friend is in another city, so they also need the name and address of the accommodation and the return flight or train times.
Charge your phone and take your own transport so you control when you leave 3. The traveller does not rely on you for a ride. They know how to get from the venue back to their room and to the airport or station on their own.
Agree you can both leave early
Agree before the day that either of you can end the date early, with no explanation owed:
If it's not working for either of us, we just say so and head off. No hard feelings.
Nobody is owed a three-hour date because someone flew in. If it is awkward after twenty minutes, either of you can say "I don't think this is right for me", and the traveller goes back to their hotel on their own.
If you suggested the date, be ready to pay
If you asked them to come, offer to pay for the date itself: the coffee, the lunch, the tickets. It buys nothing. They still leave when they choose, and nobody has to have sex with anyone because they paid for a meal 3.
I'd love to meet. Book your own room and a return that suits you, whatever happens on the day. How about lunch at [restaurant] on Saturday at noon, then a walk if we're enjoying it? My shout.
After the date
If you both want to see each other again, that is a different conversation, and one that happens after the first meeting. For now, the traveller gets home safely, tells the person who was tracking their location that they are back, and you both decide whether you want to do this again.
If it did not work, they still leave when they planned to. The trip answered a question, and no is an answer.
Before either of you books, read the first-date safety guide and the guide to long-distance arrangements. More trip planning is in the travel blog.
Sources
- Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Relationship scams.
- Victoria Police (2025). Safety tips when meeting someone from online.
- Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
