DateableShould you pay for a match's travel to a first date?
Only if you book the ticket yourself after a video call. Never send money for travel: it is a common romance scam request.
Never send money for your match's travel. Book and pay for the ticket yourself after a video call to confirm they are real. If you cannot do that, the date does not happen yet.
Why travel costs are a red flag
Plane tickets are one of the most common requests in romance scams. A scammer builds a connection, talks about how much they want to meet you, then says they cannot afford the flight. They ask you to send money directly, or to book it yourself and they will reimburse you.
The pattern is predictable. Scammers tell stories: a work emergency that locked them out of their accounts, a sick relative, a problem with their visa paperwork. The story changes, but the request stays the same. And it works because by that point, you have invested weeks or months in the relationship. You believe them, or you want to believe them.
The regulators are clear: "Never send money or gifts to a sweetheart you have not met in person" 1. This includes payment for travel, airfare, visa costs or anything else that would get them closer to you or their next victim. Scammers ask for money for medical emergencies, plane tickets and visa fees 1. The money does not go to the scammer's travel. It goes to their next victim's scam, or straight into their pocket.
If you want to pay, book it yourself
The safest version of generosity is control. You pay, you book, you hold the ticket. That means:
- A video call first. You need to see their face and hear them speak in real time. A scammer using stolen photos or a deepfake will decline or freeze.
- You book the ticket in their name. You choose the airline, the dates, the refund policy. You pay the airline directly.
- A refundable or changeable fare. You are not locked in, and neither are they. If the date goes wrong, the money was always yours.
- No money moves to them. They do not ask you to transfer money, wire it, or send a gift card. If travel costs come up in the conversation, you say: "I will book it. What date works?"
This approach filters out everyone who sees the transaction as profit. A person who wants to meet you will accept a free flight from you. A person who wanted your money will vanish.
The reimburse scam
Some scammers ask you to buy the ticket and let them reimburse you later. Do not do this. Once you have sent the money, the ticket is yours to use or cancel. If they disappear, you have paid and they have not. If they promise to repay you, they are using a routine that works on hundreds of people: by the time you realise it is a scam, you are emotionally invested and hoping you are wrong.
Scammers also ask you to book a ticket for them, then arrange a hotel room "for them", then cover "travel insurance" or "airport fees". Each request builds on the last. Knowing you have already paid once, they ask for more. They build a story that makes it sound reasonable: an emergency at work, a family crisis, a problem with their bank.
I am happy to book your flight. What dates work for you? I will sort the ticket from here.
That message is honest and direct. It sets the boundary. If they come back with reasons why you need to transfer money to them instead, you have your answer.
Their accommodation is their choice
If you are paying for their flight, you are already generous. You do not have to book their hotel. They can book their own room, or if you are meeting in a city where you both want to explore, you can book separate rooms. A hotel room is not a gift that sits on the line between generosity and control. It is a place to sleep.
If you want to book it for them because you are choosing the venue or the area, do it. If they ask you to book it because they cannot pay, ask yourself whether you are comfortable with that. You can say no. Generosity works best when it is your choice, not something you are pressured into.
Dates that cross a border
If your match lives overseas, the same rules apply. You pay, you book, you control. Visa costs, travel insurance, airport transfers: any request for money before you have met in person is a warning sign 2.
For long-distance arrangements, read the guide on planning them. The money and safety stakes are higher. You need to know what you are signing up for, and how to protect yourself.
When the other person offers to pay
If your match wants to pay for your flight, you can accept. A person offering to pay for your travel is confident they want to meet you. But keep the same boundaries: you want to video call first, you keep a copy of the booking, and you tell someone you trust where you are going.
If you are meeting overseas, read the guide on spotting a scam. Offers to pay can come with hidden agendas. A generous offer is not a reason to drop your guard.
Start with a date you can both reach
If travel is complicated or costly, do not start there. Plan your first date in a place you can both reach without one person asking the other for money. A first meeting is easier when neither of you has anything to prove.
Meet halfway, meet locally, or meet online first and then travel if the connection is real. A person who is right for you will find a way to meet that does not put you in the position of paying their way before you know them.
Sources
- Federal Trade Commission (2022). What To Know About Romance Scams.
- Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Relationship scams.
