DateableRed flags to watch for in the first messages
Watch for requests for money, pressure to move off the app, and stories that change. Know when to slow down, stop replying or block.
Red flags in early messages are requests for money, pressure to move off the app, and a story that keeps changing. Learn what to watch for, and you will know when to slow down or block.
Requests for payment or account access
A request for money in the first few messages is not a date. They might ask for a gift card to "prove you are real", a wire transfer for an "emergency", or your bank login to "check something". None of these are genuine.
- Gift cards or prepaid cards
- Wire transfers or money apps like PayPal or Wise
- Payment to invest in cryptocurrency or shares
- Visa fees or plane tickets
- Money for a loan or to clear a debt
- Account access or banking passwords
The excuse is always urgent and personal. A medical emergency. A sick parent. A business opportunity. The urgency is designed to make you decide fast. Do not.
If someone asks for payment, bank details or account access, stop replying. Do not send anything. Do not click any links they send. Block the profile and report it. Even if they say you will get money back. Even if it feels rude to ignore them.
Pressure to leave the app
A real member will chat with you on Dateable as long as it takes to feel comfortable meeting. A scammer will push you to move to WhatsApp, email or text within minutes of matching.
When they ask you to leave the app, they are trying to hide the conversation from Dateable's safety team. They are also testing whether you will follow their lead without question. Off the app, they can be anyone.
What it sounds like:
- "Let me get your number so we can text"
- "This app is slow. Can we use WhatsApp?"
- "I do not trust apps. Can we email?"
- "My profile might disappear soon. Message me here."
A real date will ask for your number, but after you have chatted a bit and feel comfortable. A scammer asks right away. Stay on Dateable until you meet in person. If they keep insisting, stop replying, block and report.
Refusing to video call
"I do not do video calls" or "My camera is broken" or "Can we just message for now?" are excuses. Video chat is how you know the person in the photos is real.
A scammer is using photos they found online or stole from someone else. They cannot get on video and show their face. A real member will usually say yes to a quick call, even if they are nervous about it.
Do not feel rude for asking. A video call is a basic check. Ask them why. Ask them when they would be free. Give them a specific time: "Can we video call tomorrow at 7?" If they keep dodging, their excuse may change each time. Stop replying. Block and report.
A story that shifts
Listen for the details. The first message says they work in finance. Three messages later they mention an oil rig job. Their location was Sydney, now it is Melbourne. They wanted something casual, now they are talking about moving in together.
Scammers change their story when they think you are getting close to giving them money. They rewrite the setup based on what they think will work. A story about a business emergency becomes a story about a sick child becomes a story about a wedding overseas. Each one is a test.
Real people are consistent. They remember what they said. If you are unsure, ask: "Earlier you said you worked in mining. Do you still?" If they get defensive or change the subject, that is a sign to stop talking to them.
Pressure or anger when you say no
A real date respects a no. If someone gets angry, guilt-tripping or pushy when you say "I am not interested" or "I cannot send money", they have shown you who they are.
A scammer's next move is to make you feel bad for turning them down. "How could you?" "After all I have done for you?" "You only care about money." (They just asked for money.) The shame is designed to wear you down.
Do not be swayed. You do not owe anyone your time or money. Say it plainly and do not argue:
I appreciate you, but this is not going to work for me.
Then stop replying. Do not explain your reasons. Do not say "maybe later". Do not stay friends. If they pressure you again, block them and report the profile.
Links to other sites
Some scammers send you a link to "verify your profile", "prove you are real", "unlock more messages" or "complete your application". Links to external sites in early chat are almost always a trap.
The site might look like Dateable, use similar colours and fonts, but it is fake. It is designed to steal your login details, your payment information or personal information like your date of birth.
If a link comes up, do not click it. Tell them: "I do not click links from new contacts". If they insist or send more links, block them immediately.
What to do if you see red flags
Red flags rarely come alone. A real member is consistent, respectful and has time for you. If someone ticks more than one of these boxes, stop replying.
If you have already sent money or personal information, act fast. Report it to Dateable and to your bank. If intimate photos have been shared, you can report the account and also use a service like StopNCII, which works with platforms to remove them.
For more detail, read the guide to spotting a scam and the guide to sugar dating safety.
