DateableWhat to say when a sugar daddy asks you to pay first
A real generous member never asks you for money. Recognise the patterns: proof of loyalty, gift cards, fake deposits. Say no, stop replying and report the profile.
A real generous member never asks you for money. If someone you have just matched with asks you to pay anything, even a small amount, stop replying and report the profile.
The patterns
Scammers on sugar dating sites follow a few familiar patterns. The most common is the 'proof of loyalty' payment: they message you, say they are interested, and ask for a small amount to prove you are serious or to cover a processing fee. They tell you it is refundable or that they will pay you back once you have met. After you send it, they stop replying and block you. If you try to contact them from another account, they do the same thing again.
Another pattern is the fake deposit scam. 1 They offer to pay your debts or bills, say they are sending you money to cover your expenses until you meet, or simply offer to deposit a large sum. Once it appears in your account, they contact you again and claim the bank made an error. They ask you to send back the extra by buying gift cards (Apple iTunes, Google Play or Steam) and texting them the codes. What they have actually done is deposit money from a stolen account or card. When the victim finds out, your bank freezes the account and you are left owing the money. The scammer disappears.
A third pattern: 2 they ask for gift cards as payment, creating urgency by naming a specific retailer and insisting on speed. They claim it is the only way to verify accounts, release funds, or pay for a membership. No real business or government agency ever asks for this. The moment they name a retailer and a dollar amount, you are talking to a scammer.
Words to send
Do not explain yourself. Do not argue. Do not ask them to prove they are real. Do not say 'this sounds like a scam' or 'that is how scammers operate'. Scammers do not care what you think, and anything you say gives them a chance to argue or rephrase their request in a way that sounds reasonable. Send one message, then stop replying:
I do not send money to anyone I have not met in person. Goodbye.
That is all they deserve. It is polite, final and gives them no opening to negotiate. Block them immediately after. If they reply on another account, do not respond. If they reply from the same account, you will not see it because you have blocked them.
Red flags before they ask
Watch for these signs earlier in the conversation. Some of them are not red flags on their own, but together they tell you something is wrong:
- They move the chat off Dateable to WhatsApp, WeChat or email within the first few messages, saying the app is slow or they prefer private messaging.
- They offer to pay off a debt or loan you never mentioned, or offer to cover your living costs.
- They ask for your banking details, home address or phone number before you have met.
- They suggest sending you money before you have met, and get insistent about it.
- They ask you for intimate photos, especially early in the chat.
- They declare strong feelings very quickly, say they have never felt this way before, or talk about marriage within the first few messages.
- They tell you they are working overseas, on an oil rig, in the military or somewhere else remote that prevents them from meeting soon.
Any of these is a reason to stop replying. More than one is a guarantee that you are talking to a scammer. Report their profile so other members know.
How to report
Report and block are one press on any profile or message. Open their profile or find their most recent message, press report, and tell Dateable what happened in the comment box. Be specific: include the pattern they followed (proof of loyalty payment, fake deposit, gift card request), what they said and when. The more detail you give, the faster Dateable can review the report. Include screenshots of the conversation if you can.
If you are not sure whether to report, report anyway. Dateable will investigate. Your report matters because it protects other members. If someone tries the same scam on ten people and eight report them, Dateable finds the pattern and removes them faster.
After reporting, read the guides on spotting and reporting scams and the full guide on how to report and block. They cover the full range of scams and what to do if you are unsure about something you see in a message.
If money has already left your account
Call your bank immediately. Tell them you have been scammed. Give them the amount, the method (bank transfer, gift card, payment app) and when it left your account. They may be able to reverse a transfer or freeze a card before the money is withdrawn further down the line. The longer you wait, the smaller the chance they can help. Some banks have team who specialise in fraud and can move faster than usual.
Do not expect to recover gift card money. Once the scammer has the codes, the money is gone and it cannot be traced. The gift card company cannot reverse it. But your bank needs to know so they can protect the rest of your account and watch for other fraudulent activity, like someone trying to open credit in your name.
If you sent the money via a payment app like PayPal, Wise or Stripe, contact them straight away as well. Some apps have fraud teams and can sometimes reverse transfers within the first few hours.
Safe dating matters
The fact that you are on a sugar dating site does not make you a target for scammers. You are a target because you are on a dating site at all, and you are an adult with money. Read the safety guide for the full picture: how to stay safe in messages, on a first date, and throughout an arrangement. The patterns here are one part of it.
Sources
- WA ScamNet (Government of Western Australia, Consumer Protection) (2026). Sugar baby scam.
- Federal Trade Commission (2023). Avoiding and Reporting Gift Card Scams.
