DateableWhat to do if an ex threatens to share your photos
Do not pay, do not send more, stop contact, keep evidence and report it. Threatening to share intimate images is a crime.
If someone threatens to share intimate photos of you without your consent, do not pay them, do not send more images and stop all contact immediately. Threatening to share an intimate image is image-based abuse and a crime in many places 1.
What makes this a crime
Image-based abuse is when someone shares, or threatens to share, an intimate image or video without your consent 1. The threat alone is the crime. You did not do anything wrong by taking or sharing the photos with someone you trusted, and what happens next is not your fault.
This is different from a relationship ending badly. The person threatening you is committing a serious offence 2. They may say they took screenshots or have copies, or claim they will post to your family and friends. These are tactics to scare you into paying.
The law recognises that the threat causes real harm: fear, shame and distress. That is why it is treated as a criminal matter. Many places have specific laws against threatening to share intimate images. Even if the image does not actually exist, the threat is still a crime.
Do not negotiate
The first instinct is often to give them what they want to make them stop. Do not do this. If you pay money or send more images, the demands will not end. Scammers see you as someone who will pay, and they come back for more 1.
This is not a negotiation. There is no amount of money that will satisfy them, and there is no promise they will keep. They may ask for payment, gift cards, crypto, or intimate photos. Whatever they ask for, giving in sets a pattern: you have shown you will comply under pressure, and they will use that against you again and again.
Do not pay them. Do not send them more images. Do not send them money for any reason. Block them and stop replying.
Stopping all contact means not replying to messages, even to argue or ask them to delete the photos. No reply tells them you are serious, and each message you send gives them more time and ammunition to manipulate you. If they keep trying to contact you, block them on every platform and let it stand.
They may try different tactics: telling you they have already shared the photos, saying they will contact your family, or claiming they work with law enforcement. These are lies designed to pressure you. Block, do not reply, and wait for help from the actual authorities.
Keep a record of everything
Before you block them, take screenshots of all the messages where they make the threat. Get the dates, the exact words and any other context. Save these files separately, not on your phone alone: email them to yourself or store them in a cloud service you can access later.
Do not delete the messages or the images from your device. Police will need the original files, not screenshots, to investigate. Even if you are uncomfortable keeping the images, hold onto them. You can delete them safely once the person is prosecuted or once the case is resolved.
- Screenshot every threat message, including the date and sender
- Save the original files with their metadata (the camera data and timestamps embedded in the image)
- Store copies in more than one place: email, cloud storage, a trusted friend's device
- Note down dates, times and what happened in a simple log file
- Keep your phone and accounts secure so the person cannot delete evidence
Report it
Report the threat to the platform where it happened: the dating app, messaging service or social media site. Most platforms have a report button or form. Use it even if you have already blocked the person. The platform may be able to identify and remove other threats they have made.
Report to police as well. Report the offence to your police force, and mention that you have evidence saved. In most places, you can report online or by phone. Tell them exactly what was said, when it was said, and what platform it was on.
Police take these cases seriously because the law recognises the harm. They can investigate, interview the person, and in many places pursue criminal charges. Reporting also creates an official record, which helps if the person tries to contact you again. Even if they never acted on the threat, the crime was committed when they made it.
Get the images removed
If the images have already been shared online, tools exist to find and block them without you having to send them anywhere. StopNCII.org makes a digital fingerprint of the image on your device; only the fingerprint is shared, never the image itself 3. Participating platforms use the fingerprint to find and remove the image.
You must be the person in the image, be 18 or over, and still have the original image to use StopNCII. The tool works by uploading only a hash, not the image, so your privacy is protected. It reports an over 90% removal rate across platforms 3.
In the UK, the Revenge Porn Helpline can help you report and remove intimate content shared without your consent 4. They give confidential advice and help with removal, and can report to platforms and police for you. The service is free and supported by the Home Office.
If you are in another country, contact your local eSafety or privacy agency. Many governments now treat image-based abuse as a priority and have services to help you.
Look after yourself
What has happened to you is a form of sexual abuse. It is a betrayal by someone you trusted, and it is normal to feel scared, angry or ashamed. You are not alone, and you did not deserve this.
Talk to someone you trust: a friend, a counsellor or a support service. If something goes wrong, you can find helplines and next steps. If you are dating again, remember that most people are not like this, and safety comes first.
Sources
- eSafety Commissioner (2026). Image-based abuse (including revenge porn, sextortion and nude image blackmail).
- Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Threat scams.
- StopNCII.org (Revenge Porn Helpline, SWGfL) (2026). Stop Non-Consensual Intimate Image Abuse.
- Revenge Porn Helpline (SWGfL) (2026). Revenge Porn Helpline.
