DateableHow to set up a safety buddy for your dates
Tell one trusted friend who you are meeting, where, and when. Agree a check-in time and what they do if you do not reply.
A safety buddy is one person who knows who you are meeting, where, when, and when you expect to be home. Before you leave, send them a profile screenshot and the venue. When you get home, call them and say so.
Why tell someone where you are
Most dates go well. If something feels off, you want someone to know where you are without delay. [Tell a trusted person who, when and where, and when you expect home; call them when you get home][/guides/first-date-safety/] 1. If you go quiet, a friend who knows your plan can call you, call again, and if there is no answer, call for help.
A safety buddy is not about not trusting your date. It is about making sure someone else can act if something unexpected happens. Most people are kind. Accidents happen. Your phone dies. A date runs late. Having someone know where you are means that if you cannot reach them or if something goes truly wrong, help knows where to look.
Your safety buddy is also a test. If someone is upset that a friend knows where you are, that tells you something. Anyone worth meeting will understand that you want someone to know where you are going.
Pick one reliable person
Your safety buddy should be someone who will answer their phone, remember the plan and follow through on it. A friend who checks in on you, keeps their word and does not panic easily is best. They need to be someone you trust completely, because they will have details about your date and information that could put you at risk if it went to the wrong person.
Make sure they are someone you see or talk to regularly. You need a person who is likely to notice if you do not call, not someone you text every three months. Pick someone who has time to think clearly if something goes wrong. A friend who will sit with you after a bad date and help you decide what to do is ideal.
You can have more than one safety buddy for different situations. If you travel, pick someone in that city. If you have a flatmate, they could be your daily buddy. What matters is that one person knows each plan and will follow it.
What to send before you leave
At least half an hour before you meet, send your buddy a message with the details:
- Their name
- A screenshot of their profile, or a photo of them
- The venue (the name and address, or the map link)
- The time you expect to meet them
- The time you expect to be home
Sending a screenshot shows your friend what they look like before you meet. It also means they can report that person to the platform or police if they need to.
Agree the check-in plan
Before the date, tell your buddy exactly what will happen. This stops them worrying when you are fine, and means you both know what to do if something goes wrong. A clear plan means you can both relax. Your buddy will not panic if the date runs late. You will not panic if they text.
I am meeting someone at [venue] at [time]. I will call you when I get home, no later than [time]. If you have not heard from me by [time + 30 minutes], will you call me?
Pick a check-in time that is realistic. If the date is two hours away and it takes thirty minutes to drive home, your buddy should not expect a call for at least two and a half hours. Add buffer time. Agree that no answer means they call again, and then they call for help. If you know the date might run long, tell your buddy that too. "If I am running more than an hour late, I will text you by then." Clear expectations stop misunderstandings.
What your buddy does if you go quiet
Agree this plan in advance so neither of you has to guess. Make it explicit:
- They call you. You have one minute to pick up and say you are fine.
- If you do not answer, they call again.
- If there is no answer on the second call, they call the police and give them the details: your name, the person you met, the venue, and the time they last heard from you.
Do not tell your buddy to "wait and see". A protocol means they act, not wait. Do not say "let me know if you cannot reach me", because that puts the problem on you when something might be wrong. Tell them clearly: if I do not call by this time, you call me. If I do not answer, you call the police.
After the date
Call your buddy when you get home. It takes two minutes and it closes the loop. They know you are safe, and you know they know. If you are running late, send a text so they do not spend the time worried.
If the date went badly or you felt unsafe, tell your buddy. They will have a record of who you met and where. [Use [/safety/] resources to report or block if you need to]. If you met someone unsafe on Dateable, [report and block][/blog/first-dates/] are one press from any profile, message or listing.
Use a trusted person, not the app
Your safety depends on someone who cares about you and will act. [The site you use is not that person][/safety/]. A friend who knows the plan and will follow it is. Set this up before your first date and use it every time 2.
Sources
- Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
- New Zealand Police (2026). Safety advice.
