DateableHow to stay safe in a hotel when you travel with a date
Hold your own key, tell someone where you are, keep your phone charged, and meet in public spaces until you are sure about your date.
When you travel with someone you met through dating, a hotel makes safety straightforward: you can hold your own key, step outside freely, and leave whenever you want. The basics matter more than you might think: your own room access, a trusted person watching from home, and a charged phone.
Get a key in your own name
When you check in, ask the front desk for your own room key. Not a key you share with your date, and not one they hold for you. A key in your name, with your name on the envelope it comes in. This does two things: it makes sure you can leave your date's room and lock yourself in yours at any time, and it makes clear to the hotel that you are a guest in your own right.
If you are already sharing a room and realise you need your own space, ask for a second key, or ask for a different room. The front desk is used to requests like this. No explanation needed.
Tell someone where you are, and when you will call
Before you meet your date, tell a trusted person the hotel name and your room number. Not just the city, not just "I am meeting someone": the exact place. And tell them when you expect to call them when you get back. A trusted person could be a friend, a family member or a colleague. It should be someone who will actually follow up if you do not call when you said you would.
I'm in the Riverside Hotel, room 412. I'll call you after I get back to my room, around midnight.
Make the call when you said you would. If something changes and you are going to be late, send them a message. If you are having a good time and want to stay longer, call and tell them that too. The point is to keep them in the loop, not to confess. They are your safety net.
Charge your phone before you leave the room
Your phone is your way home. Charge it before you go anywhere with your date. Bring a charger, or ask the hotel concierge where to find one. A dead phone means you cannot call for help, cannot contact a taxi, and cannot reach the person waiting for your call.
If your date suggests something that will take a long time, like a day trip or a drive to another city, make sure your phone is fully charged and you bring the charger. Bring more than enough power to get through the day and have battery left.
Save the hotel front desk number
Write down the front desk phone number and save it in your phone. It is on the phone in your room, and usually on a card near the reception area. If something happens and you need help quickly, the front desk can send someone to your room, get you a taxi, or call the police. You do not need to guess which number to dial.
Stay in public places until you are sure
Meet your date in the lobby, the bar, or a restaurant in the hotel, not in a room. Spend time in public where staff can see you. You get to know each other, you have witnesses, and you can step away if something does not feel right. If your date pushes to go to a room straight away, or suggests you meet somewhere outside the hotel, that is worth noticing.
The same rule applies if you are meeting someone in a different city where your date is local. Meet in a bar or a restaurant with other people around, not at their home 1.
You can change your mind at any point
You are not obliged to spend the night with your date just because you booked a hotel. You are not obliged to do anything because they bought you dinner, because they paid for the flight, or because you said yes to a first date. If at any point you want to leave and go back to your room alone, or leave the hotel entirely, you can do that.
A good date will understand. Someone who pushes, gets angry, or tries to change your mind has told you something useful about who they are.
Control your own transport
Do not rely on your date for a ride back to the hotel. Order your own taxi, book a car, or walk if the area is safe and busy. This means you can leave whenever you choose, and you do not have to wait for them or negotiate. If your date offers to drive you back, you can accept, but also know you have a way out if you need one.
Keep your things with you
Do not leave your bag, your phone, your keys or your wallet in a shared room. Keep them with you when you go out. If you are staying in your date's room, keep your things accessible so you can leave quickly if you need to. Hotel rooms can be entered by staff and maintenance, and a bag left behind is a bag you will have to go back for.
Watch your drink
Order your own drink and watch it from the moment it arrives. Do not accept a drink you did not see made, and do not set your drink down and come back to it. If you do, order a new one. Do not keep drinking a drink you left unattended, no matter how much it cost. This matters everywhere, and it matters more when you are somewhere unfamiliar with someone new.
Think about sugar dating safety before you meet
If you are meeting someone who is generous or seeking someone attractive, some of the usual first-date rules change. Talk about what you both want before you meet. Be clear about what you are and are not willing to do. Get this right before you check into a hotel, not after, because backing out of a conversation in a hotel room is harder than backing out before you leave home.
If something goes wrong
If you feel unsafe at any point, leave. Go to the front desk and ask them for help. If something happens that you did not consent to, tell hotel staff, call the police, and call the person you told where you were going. You did not do anything wrong by going to a hotel with a date. If something happens, the person who caused it is the only one to blame.
A hotel is a safe place to meet because you hold your own key and staff are there. Use it.
Sources
- Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
