DateableReplies to 'tell me about yourself' that are not a CV
Give two or three real details about how you spend your time or what you are learning. End with a question. Skip the job title, income, and lists of adjectives.
When someone asks "tell me about yourself", they are asking for details that show what you are actually like. A list of your job title, your income, and five adjectives reads as a CV, which is the opposite of what they want. A good answer sketches what you do when you have time to yourself, something you are learning, or a weekend well spent. Then hand the question back.
Why a CV is the wrong answer
Your profile already holds the broad facts: your job, your income, your age and your photos. A message that repeats those facts sounds automated and reads as though you have pasted it to other people. The person reading it knows you are intelligent enough to hold down a job. What they do not know is what you are like when the job is done.
A list of adjectives ("I'm kind, fun-loving, ambitious") tells them something, but not something they can picture. Even good adjectives do not answer the question someone is really asking. That question is: do I like you enough to spend time with you? That needs details, not claims.
What gets answered
A strong answer to "tell me about yourself" has three parts. First, one or two details about how you spend your time when you have a choice. Second, something you are learning or paying attention to right now. Third, a question back that is easy to answer.
Here are examples:
I'm reading through the entire Discworld series at the moment and I cook most nights, usually trying out recipes from one cookbook or other. I have weird taste in everything. What gets you to a bookshop or a restaurant?
Weekends, I'm out on my bike or in the garden. I'm learning to preserve fruit and vegetables, mostly through trial and error. What do you do to switch off from work?
I spend a lot of time with my camera, mostly taking photos of plants and insects. I've just started editing in black and white. What made you get into [hobby from their profile]?
Each of these answers gives a real picture of the person. None of them need a job title. None of them could have been sent to everyone on the site. All of them are easy to answer.
Skip these things
- Your job title or company name. Your profile holds that. Mentioning it again reads as though you have nothing else to say about yourself.
- Your income or anything about how much money you earn. Money is for the conversation that follows, not the opening.
- A list of adjectives or character traits. Show, do not tell. "I like trying new things" shows in the fact that you are learning to preserve fruit or testing new recipes.
- Anything that identifies you by workplace or location. Stay private until you trust them. Protect your privacy on a dating site means not handing out details a stranger can use to find you offline.
- A full paragraph. Two or three sentences is plenty. More than that reads as a cover letter.
Make the question hand-backable
The last sentence matters. It is what makes the other person answer. A hand-back question should be easy and specific enough that they can say something real.
These work well:
- Asking about something from their profile: "What made you start sailing?" or "How did you get into photography?"
- Asking about their weekend: "What do you do to unwind?" or "How do you usually spend Saturday morning?"
- Asking about a choice they have made: "What's your go-to coffee order?" or "Do you cook or eat out most nights?"
These are too broad: "How are you?" answers nothing. "What do you look for in a partner?" puts the work back on them when you are the one trying to start the conversation.
Keep your answer about you
"Tell me about yourself" is not the moment to ask them for things or to say what you want from them. Do not tell them what role you want them to play, what you expect to happen, or what you need from the relationship. That conversation comes after you have both decided you like talking to each other.
This means your profile carries the weight. Make sure it tells them what you are looking for, because your opening message should not. Your opening message is about you and your curiosity about them. That is what gets a reply.
Read what they wrote first
The best "tell me about yourself" answer connects to something they said. If their profile mentions they love hiking, an answer that ends with "What made you start hiking?" or "Do you have a favourite trail?" shows you read it. The same answer sent to someone who collects art or teaches music reads as though you did not look at their profile at all.
Personalise it. Use their name if they shared it. Refer to something they actually wrote. The difference between "What do you like?" and "You mentioned photography. What draws you to it?" is the difference between a message that could be sent to anyone and a message that could only be sent to them.
