DateableWhat to do when a match sends an explicit photo you did not ask for
Do not reply. Screenshot the profile and message, report it to Dateable, and block. This is dating app facilitated sexual violence.
Do not reply to it, and do not delete it. Screenshot the profile and the message, report it to Dateable, and block. Sending you an explicit photo you did not ask for is sexual violence, and repeated or threatening messages can go to police.
It is common, but it should not happen
Among women under 50 in the United States who have used dating apps, 56% received unwanted sexually explicit messages or images 1. Researchers count it as dating app facilitated sexual violence: unwanted sexual comments, unsolicited sexual photos, and harassment, all of which can extend to violence in person 2.
That it is common does not make it acceptable. The person who sent it chose to cross your boundary without your consent. You did not cause it and it says nothing about you. You do not have to respond to it or engage with it in any way.
Why you should not reply
Replying, even to tell them to stop, tells them the message got your attention and that sending more might get a different result. Some people interpret a reply as engagement, which keeps them messaging. Others use any response as permission to escalate. Silence removes the reward that made them send it in the first place. There is no response that will shame them into regret.
If the message is part of a pattern with this person, silence is the clearest boundary you can set. If it is from a scammer, any reply confirms your account is active and the email address is real, which makes you a target for follow-up attempts and may add you to lists of known recipients.
The instinct to respond is normal and understandable. You might want to shame them, or explain why it was wrong, or ask them to delete it. None of those things will work or make you feel better. Block first, then let it go.
Screenshot and report
Open the message and take a full-screen screenshot on your phone. Make sure the timestamp, the username and the photo are all visible. If you can, also screenshot the profile photo and the account name so there is no doubt whose account sent it.
In Dateable, tap Report from the profile or the message itself, or use the report form. Describe what happened in your own words: when the message came in, what the photo showed, and the username. Dateable's team reviews every report and takes action on accounts that breach the community guidelines. A report also creates a record in case the behaviour continues or escalates.
Do not feel bad about reporting. People who send unsolicited explicit photos are counting on recipients not to report them. Reporting is how the platform protects other people from the same person.
Block and move on
Blocking stops the person from messaging you or seeing your profile. They cannot match with you again and cannot see that you have read their messages. To block, go to their profile, press the three-dot menu and select Block. You can also block when you report, all in one action.
After you block, you do not have to look at the screenshot again. Some people save screenshots to show Dateable or police if needed; most people delete them once they have reported. Do what feels right. Deleting it does not erase your report.
If it is a threat or it keeps happening
If the person is threatening to do something with the photo, or if they keep messaging you from different accounts, this is harassment and you can report it to police. People were more likely to report online sexual harassment from someone met on a dating app to police than in-person sexual violence 3, which shows police take these reports seriously.
Keep the screenshots and the dates. Write down what they said and when, and note the username of each account they used to contact you. When you call police, have this information ready. You do not need to have met the person in real life for this to count. If you are in Australia and it is threatening or abusive, call 131 444 or 000 in an emergency.
You did not ask for this and you do not owe them anything
Your silence, your report and your block are all the response this deserves. The match broke a basic boundary: they sent you sexual content without your permission. That is on them, not on you. You are allowed to be clear about what you want and to block anyone who ignores it.
If the message upset you, that is normal. You do not have to minimize it or pretend it did not bother you. Unwanted sexual content is designed to shock and offend. Feel what you feel, block, report, and move on to people who respect you.
Sources
- Vogels, E. A., & McClain, C. (Pew Research Center) (2023). Key findings about online dating in the U.S..
- Echevarria, S. G., Peterson, R. S., & Woerner, J. I. (2022). College Students' Experiences of Dating App Facilitated Sexual Violence and Associations with Mental Health Symptoms and Well-Being.
- Lawler, S. M., & Boxall, H. (Australian Institute of Criminology) (2023). Reporting of dating app facilitated sexual violence to the police: Victim-survivor experiences and outcomes.
