Guides

Free messages and reply ratings

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Messages on Dateable are free on both sides. Who can message, how reply ratings set your place in search, and how to keep every conversation safe and easy to end.

7 minute readUpdated 2026-09-30

By the end of this guide you will have sent your first message on Dateable and know how replies are rated. You will also know how to keep a conversation safe, how to leave one, and what to do when someone crosses a line.

The short version: messages are free, both ways, for every member with a complete profile. No credits, no subscription, no fee to read a message. What lifts you is how you reply: promptly and properly, and you rise in search.

Who can message whom

Any member with a complete profile can message, on either side. A complete profile is one photo, three profile details and an about of 50 characters or more. A meter on your profile shows how far along you are.

Verification is not needed to message. It gives you the Verified badge, a lift in search, and it is required to apply for or post invitations on the Board. Verification is a live selfie holding a pose the app picks at random, which a reviewer compares with your profile photos. It confirms you match your photos. It is not an ID or age document check. The steps are in how verification works.

You chose your side when you joined. You can change it once. "Looking for" is its own field, so any gender can sit on either side.

How replies are rated

Every member is rated on three things, and the ratings decide where you sit in search. Both sides are rated the same way. The full detail is on how ratings work.

• Replies, 40%. The share of first messages you answer within 2 days. A polite "thank you, but I don't think we're a fit" counts. Silence counts against you.
• Reply length, 30%. Two words or fewer scores nothing. Forty words or more scores full marks.
• Photos, 30%. A person marks each approved photo from 1 to 5 for quality: your face clearly in view, good light, recent, no filters. Never for looks.

A few things to know:

• Scores cover the last 90 days. A slow month is not forever.
• New members start in the middle. A score needs three messages or one marked photo before it counts.
• Blocking or reporting never costs you. Messages from someone you block or report drop out of your scores.
• Others see your reply record. Your profile shows how often you reply and about how many words. Your photo mark and your place in search show only to you.

Open your first conversation

1. Finish your profile first. Messages open once it is complete, so do it before you find someone you want to write to. Verifying too gives you the badge and a lift in search: how to get verified.
2. Read their whole profile. Headline, about, and "what I offer" or "what I am looking for". A message that answers something they wrote shows you read it, and tells you early whether you want the same things.
3. Write three sentences. One about them, one about you, one easy question. Long openers read as scripts; one-word openers read as nothing.
4. Send once, then wait. A second message before a reply reads as pressure. Give it a few days. Silence is an answer too.
5. Keep the first messages light. Save allowance, exclusivity and schedules for a proper conversation once you both want to go further.

A first message you can adapt:

"Your line about trying every dumpling place in the city made me smile. I'm on the same mission, slowly. Which one would you send a beginner to?"

More openers, by situation, sit in how to send a first message.

Conversations that start on the Board

On the Board a host posts an invitation and members apply with a note. When the host accepts an applicant, a private conversation opens between the two of them. The other applicants are told the place is filled.

• The venue arrives in the conversation. A listing may name a venue, but only the accepted guest sees it.
• Contact details stay out of listings. Phone numbers, emails, handles and links are refused in a listing. Contact happens in messages after acceptance.
• The guest confirms within 48 hours. If not, the acceptance lapses and the host may accept someone else. Use the conversation to confirm, not to renegotiate the listing.

A message to send on acceptance:

"Thank you for choosing me. I've confirmed. Anything you'd like me to know before Saturday?"

Keep it on Dateable

Stay in Dateable's messages until you have met in person and feel sure of the other person. While you stay, a blocked member cannot reach you, a report comes with the conversation attached, and every message passes the same content checks as a Board listing.

Scam guidance from every regulator lands in the same place. Scamwatch lists pressure to move to private messaging such as WhatsApp as a warning sign ¹. Canada's Get Cyber Safe says to be cautious when someone wants to move your chat off the dating platform ², and the UK's Stop! Think Fraud advises you to stay on the platform until you are sure who someone is ³.

If someone asks for your number early, you can say:

"I keep things on here until we've met. Let's pick a place for a drink and swap numbers after."

Money and messages

Talking about expectations is normal here. Dateable exists for people who state them. Talking about money is different from sending it.

• Nobody on Dateable should ask you to pay. No deposit, no "verification fee", no gift cards. A listing asking the guest to pay or send money is refused automatically.
• Nobody should pay you before you meet. WA ScamNet describes a scam aimed at sugar babies: a "sugar parent" offers to pay your bills, then asks for a small "proof of loyalty" payment first and disappears. In another version they deposit a large sum, call it a mistake, and ask for it back in gift cards; the deposit came from fraudulent accounts and vanishes, leaving you in debt ⁵.
• Nobody needs your bank details, address or phone number to court you. WA ScamNet lists requests for them as red flags, along with offers to pay off debts, pressure to leave the platform and requests for intimate photos ⁵.

For how to raise an allowance well, and when, read how to talk about expectations. For the full list of scam openers, read how to spot a scam.

What a message may not contain

Messages pass the same checks as Board listings. Among what Dateable refuses:

• Sexual services, sexual acts, or anything priced by intimacy, however it is worded.
• Anyone under 18, or wording that trades on youth.
• A request that the other person pay, deposit, or send money or gift cards.
• Discrimination by race or religion.

Sending is also rate-limited per member, which keeps mass messaging off the site. The full rules are in the community rules.

When a conversation goes wrong

Unwanted messages are common on dating apps. A 2022 Pew survey of US adults found that among women under 50 who had used dating apps, 56% had received unwanted sexually explicit messages or images, and 43% had someone keep contacting them after they said no ⁶. You do not have to put up with either.

1. Say no once, plainly. It gives a reasonable person a clear chance to stop.
2. Screenshot the profile and the messages. eSafety advises keeping a copy of profiles and messages ⁷, and the police may want them later.
3. Press Report in the conversation. A person on the Dateable team reads it alongside the messages. Do not delete the conversation; deleting it deletes the evidence.
4. Block. A blocked member never sees you again: not in search, not on the Board, not in messages.

"I'm not interested in continuing this. Please don't message me again."

Step-by-step detail is in how to report and block.

Ending a conversation kindly

Most conversations end because two people want different things. One line is enough, and it spares the other person wondering.

"I've enjoyed talking, but I don't think we want the same things. I wish you well."

"I've met someone I want to focus on, so I'm stepping back. Thank you for the chats."

If the other person argues, you have already answered. You do not owe a second message. Block if they keep going.

Questions people ask

Is messaging free on Dateable?

Yes, for everyone, on both sides. Any member with a complete profile can write first and reply. There are no credits, no subscription and no fee to read a message.

Why can't I message someone on Dateable?

Usually because your profile is not complete yet: you need one photo, three profile details and an about of 50 characters or more. If the member has blocked you or paused their profile, they no longer appear to you at all. Verification is not needed to message.

Do I need credits to message on Dateable?

No. Dateable has no credits. Messages, private album requests and the Board are free for every member, generous or attractive.

Can I pay to boost my message on Dateable?

No. Dateable sells no boosts. Where you sit in search depends on your ratings: how often you reply, how fully you reply, and the quality of your photos. Verified members get a small lift on top.

Should I give my phone number to someone from a dating site?

Wait until you have met in person and feel sure of them. Scam regulators in Australia, Canada and the UK all flag pressure to move a chat off the dating platform as a warning sign. On Dateable, blocking and reporting only work inside Dateable's messages. A polite line works: "I keep things on here until we've met."

What should I do if a sugar daddy asks me for money first?

Stop and report the conversation. A real generous member never needs a payment, a "loyalty" fee or gift cards from you. WA ScamNet describes exactly this scam aimed at sugar babies. Never send money to someone you have not met. If you already sent money or bank details, contact your bank straight away, then report to Scamwatch.

What happens to my messages if I delete my Dateable account?

Deleting your account deletes your profile, photos, messages and Board applications within 30 days. If you want a break instead, pause: your profile is hidden and your data waits for you. If you are deleting because of someone's behaviour, screenshot and report the conversation first, because deleting removes the evidence along with everything else.

Sources

1. Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Relationship scams.
2. Get Cyber Safe (Government of Canada) (2021). Online dating cyber security: Three ways to stay protected.
3. Stop! Think Fraud (UK Government) (2026). Protect yourself from romance fraud.
4. Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
5. WA ScamNet (Government of Western Australia, Consumer Protection) (2026). Sugar baby scam.
6. Vogels, E. A., & McClain, C. (Pew Research Center) (2023). Key findings about online dating in the U.S..
7. eSafety Commissioner (2026). Online dating | How to stay safe.