DateableHow to ask someone to delete photos of you after it ends
Ask once for deletion of all photos including private ones. Revoke access at the same time and never trade anything for deletion.
Send one calm, written message: "Now we've ended things, please delete any photos of me, including private ones. Thank you." At the same time, revoke their private album access, keep a copy of the message, and never agree to anything in exchange for deletion.
Send one message, in writing
A message, not a conversation. A text, email or message inside the app, something both of you can refer back to. Writing forces you both to be clear: they know exactly what you want, and you have proof you asked.
Keep the request short and calm. No anger, no accusations, no list of reasons why they should comply. The person on the other end reads short as reasonable, and reasonable requests get answered more often than desperate ones.
Now we've ended things, please delete any photos of me, including private ones. Thank you.
That is the core. You do not owe a reason. If you want to add one, keep it to a line: "I'd just rather they didn't exist now that we're apart."
Be specific about where photos might be. People forget copies they did not take on purpose:
- Photos in the phone's camera roll, and the deleted-items folder that keeps them for weeks.
- Cloud backups that sync the camera roll automatically.
- Photos saved from chats, including screenshots.
- Anything shared with a friend or posted, even to a private account.
If you want a fuller version, it can list those places:
Now we've ended things, please delete any photos and videos of me, including private ones, screenshots and cloud backups. Could you confirm when that's done? Thank you.
A request for confirmation gives them one easy thing to reply with. Many people will simply write back "Done".
Revoke access at the same time
On Dateable, you grant and revoke private album access per member. The moment you decide to end things, revoke theirs. Do not wait for them to delete anything first. Revoking stops future viewing in the app; it cannot recall a copy already saved, which is why the written request still matters. See private photos for how access works.
Do the same anywhere else you shared: a shared cloud album, a shared folder, a chat app that keeps media. Then delete your own copies of anything of theirs you were given, and tell them you have. It costs nothing, and it makes your request easier to agree to.
Ask once, then stop
Do not chase it with a string of follow-ups. One clear, written request is easy to show someone later if you need help; ten angry ones are not. After you send it, let the message stand.
If the photos are intimate and you fear they will be shared
If you shared intimate images and you are worried they might be published without your consent, StopNCII.org can help. It makes a hash, a digital fingerprint, of the image on your own device; only the hash is shared, never the image. Participating companies use the hash to find and block the image on their platforms 1.
You can use it if you are the person in the image, were 18 or over when it was taken, and still have the image 1.
If they refuse or ignore the request
If they refuse, or you believe they will use the photos against you, you have a few paths.
- Report and block them on Dateable. Both are one press from their profile or your messages, and a report reaches a person.
- If the photos are intimate, use StopNCII.org before anything is shared.
- If they threaten to share the photos unless you pay, do not send any money: if you pay, they come back for more 2. Block them and report the account.
- Keep the record: your request, their reply or silence, and any threat, with dates. Do not forward the images themselves to anyone.
If an image has been shared, or you are being threatened, if something goes wrong lists who to contact.
Never trade anything for deletion
Do not offer money, favours or one more meeting. The moment deletion has a price, the photos become a bargaining chip, and the price tends to rise. If they name one, stop replying and use the steps above.
Deletion is not a favour. It is the minimum. You do not owe them anything in return.
Why you might not get compliance
Some people forget photos are there. Some keep them on purpose. Some say they deleted them and did not. You cannot check someone else's phone. You can ask, keep the record, revoke access and report.
The best time to ask is inside the ending conversation itself, when things are still civil. The guide to ending an arrangement puts it on the checklist for that reason.
Sources
- StopNCII.org (Revenge Porn Helpline, SWGfL) (2026). Stop Non-Consensual Intimate Image Abuse.
- Government of Western Australia, Consumer Protection and WA Police (2024). Alarm at young adults and teenagers caught up in 'sextortion' scams.
