DateableHow to be generous without becoming a scammer's target
Keep generosity for people you have met. Pay in ways you can trace. Refuse gift cards, crypto and wire transfers, and pay bills or bookings directly.
Keep your generosity for people you have met in person, and pay only in ways you can trace. The moment someone asks for a gift card, crypto or a wire transfer is the moment to stop replying.
Why scammers target generous members
Scammers build trust through romance and dating, then ask for money, sometimes after a long time 1. By then you feel you know them.
A profile that says you are generous tells a scammer who to message. That is no reason to hide it. It is a reason to decide your rules before anyone asks.
The signs before money comes up
The request for money comes late. The warning signs come early 1:
- Strong feelings declared quickly, before you have met.
- Pressure to move off the site to WhatsApp or another private app.
- Excuses to avoid meeting or a video call.
- Talk of an investment, especially crypto.
- A request for intimate photos or your ID documents.
Do a reverse image search on their photos 1, and keep the conversation on Dateable until you have met. Verification on Dateable shows a reviewer compared a live selfie with the profile photos. It does not check identity or income, so it is one check, not a guarantee. A real member who is who they claim will agree to a video call without fuss.
Meet in person before money changes hands
Regulators are clear: never send money or gifts to someone you have not met in person 2. Not for a medical emergency, not for a plane ticket or visa fee, not for an investment tip. Those are the stories scammers use 2.
If someone asks for money before you have met, stop replying and report the profile. Scammers keep finding excuses not to meet or video call 1. A member who wants to meet you suggests a time and place.
Refuse gift cards, crypto and wire transfers
Romance scammers ask to be paid by wire transfer, gift cards, money transfer apps or cryptocurrency 2. With gift cards, they create urgency, tell you which card to buy and where, then ask for the number and PIN 3. Once they have it, the money is spent.
If anyone you are dating asks you to pay any of these ways, the answer is no. Do not negotiate or ask why. Block and report.
- Gift cards of any kind
- Cryptocurrency, or an investment they want you to join
- Wire transfers or money transfer apps to someone you have not met
- Money to settle a debt they say they owe someone else
- A cheque they send you to deposit, with some of it to send back 4
Keep your income and wealth out of early chats
Your profile is the right place to say you are generous. Your messages are not. In a chat, talking about how much you earn or your net worth reads as a pitch. To someone real, it feels like you are trying to impress them into liking you. To a scammer, it is a dollar sign.
Save the details for when you have met and you trust each other. By then, they will know you anyway, and the conversation will feel natural instead of a sales pitch.
Pay the bill or the booking directly
When a new match needs help, the safe way to help is to pay the bill or booking yourself. Say you want to take them to dinner: book the table under your name and show them the confirmation. Say they need flights for a trip you are planning together: book them with your card and email them the itinerary.
This does two things. First, the money goes where it is supposed to: the restaurant, the airline, the hotel. Second, you have a record. You can see the charge on your statement. If something goes wrong, you have proof of what you paid for.
Do not send money for them to book. Do not give them cash or a card to use. Do not transfer money to their account "so they can sort it out". Do it yourself.
I want to take you somewhere nice. Let me book it for us so you know the details.
What to do if you have already sent money
Contact your bank straight away. In Australia, IDCARE (1800 595 160) helps with identity recovery, and you can report to Scamwatch 1. If you paid with a gift card, contact the gift card company at once and keep the card and the receipt 3.
Report the profile on Dateable too: a report reaches a person. Then talk to someone you trust 1. The guide on spotting a scam lists the other patterns to watch for, and sugar dating safety covers meeting in person. The guide for generous members covers how to raise money once you have met.
Sources
- Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Relationship scams.
- Federal Trade Commission (2022). What To Know About Romance Scams.
- Federal Trade Commission (2023). Avoiding and Reporting Gift Card Scams.
- Federal Trade Commission (2025). How To Spot, Avoid, and Report Fake Check Scams.
