DateableWhat to check before you go to a date's home for the first time
Give a friend the address and your time home, take your own transport, share your location, and know you can leave at any point, whatever you planned.
Give a friend the address and your expected time home, take your own way there and back, charge your phone and share your location with that friend, and know how you would leave. You can leave at any point, whatever you planned, and consent can be withdrawn at any time 1.
- A friend has the address and your expected time home.
- You have your own way there and your own way back.
- Your phone is charged and sharing your location with that friend.
- You know how you would leave, and you have the fare.
- You have met this person in public before.
Tell someone where you are going
Before you leave, tell a friend or family member the exact address where you will be, what time you expect to arrive and what time you expect to be home. Keep your phone on. If you stay longer, message again, and call them when you get home 2. This is not about distrusting your date: it makes sure someone can help if something goes wrong.
I'm going to [address] tonight. Should be home by 11. If you haven't heard from me by 11.30, call me.
If your date changes the place at the last minute to somewhere you do not know, cancel 2. Someone who makes you feel bad for that is telling you something.
Take your own transport and plan how to leave
Arrange to arrive in your own car, by taxi or rideshare where you can request pickup. Do not rely on your date to pick you up or drop you home. Your own transport means you control when you leave 2. If a ride falls through, you can still get home another way. Know the route before you go. If the location is somewhere you do not know, look at it on a map, plan your route home and make sure you have enough money for transport.
You do not need a reason to leave. You do not have to explain or apologise. If the date feels wrong or you change your mind, you leave. Practise saying it: "I need to go now." Say it plainly and do not soften it with apologies or promises to return.
Keep your phone charged and track your location
Charge your phone fully before you go, and share your location with your trusted person for the whole visit 2. Most phones have location sharing built in; set it up and test it with your friend before the day, not on the doorstep. If anything feels unsafe, your friend knows exactly where you are.
Know your own boundaries before you arrive
Before you go, decide what you are comfortable with and what you are not. Know where your boundaries are. Set them in conversation with your date before you arrive, so they are not a surprise. Make sure you are both clear about what you both want and what you do not want.
You do not owe your date anything, even if they paid for dinner or drinks 2. Consent means knowingly and freely agreeing to sexual activity; you can withdraw it at any time, even after sexual activity has started, and it is needed every time 1. If your date does not accept that you can change your mind, leave. More posts on boundaries cover how to say no plainly.
Keep yourself aware and in control
At their home, keep sight of your drink, and do not keep drinking one you left unattended 2. If you suddenly feel drunk, dizzy or confused, stop drinking, tell someone you trust, get somewhere safe and get medical help 3.
You are in control of your body and what happens to it. You can say no. You can change your mind. You can leave. A person who respects you will accept all three.
Going to their home does not mean the first date is there
Never make someone's home your first date 2. Meet in a public place first; the first-date safety guide covers how. A video call before that first meeting helps you check they match who they claim to be 2. If they keep making excuses not to video call, stop talking to them.
I want to make sure we are on the same page before I come over. Can we talk about what you are hoping for from today and what I am hoping for?
Be clear about your expectations. If you are looking for one thing and they are hoping for something different, better to know now than find out at their home.
After you arrive, trust your instincts
If something feels off when you arrive, it is okay to leave. You do not need to stay and see if it gets better. A locked door, a change of mood, a comment that makes you uncomfortable, a person who ignores what you said you wanted: any of these is enough. Trust that feeling, book your ride, and go.
Sources
- Healthdirect Australia (2023). Sexual assault and rape.
- Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
- Gloucestershire Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust (2025). Spiking.
