DateableShould you offer support before you have met?
No. Wait until you have met in person, because requests for money before meeting are the pattern romance scammers use.
No. Never offer support, money, or gifts to someone before you have met in person. Requests for cash before meeting are the pattern romance scammers follow, so any real match will wait until after you have both decided to move forward.
How the scam pattern works
Romance scammers start relationships through dating sites, build trust over time, then ask for money. 1 They have a story ready: a medical emergency, a business problem, a visa fee, a flight they cannot afford. The longer they wait, the more invested you feel.
The grooming phase can last weeks or months. They learn what matters to you. They ask questions and remember the answers. They find out if you have means and whether you like to be generous. They make you feel special and unique. Then comes the ask, and it feels personal because you know them by then, or think you do. The story they tell slots into the narrative you have already built together in your head.
The money request is not the accident. It is the plan. Everything before it: the conversations, the compliments, the shared secrets. All of it is the work that makes you say yes when they ask.
The money forms that signal a scam
- A request for a gift card to a retail store or gaming platform. 2 Once you buy it, they have the code. Your bank cannot get it back.
- Cryptocurrency or a request to help with a crypto investment. 2 Recovering crypto money is nearly impossible.
- A "small help first" before committing to support. Scammers use small amounts to test whether you will send money. If you do, they ask for more. 3
- A wire transfer, money transfer app or bank payment to them or an account they name. 2
How to say no and mean it
You do not have to wait to be asked. Bring it up early, especially if the person knows you have means. Say it plainly, and watch what they do next.
I really enjoy talking with you. Before we make plans to meet, I want to be clear: I won't send money or gifts to anyone I haven't met in person. That's a boundary for me. We can talk about what we both want after we've met.
A real match will say something like: "That makes sense. I would never ask." They move on. They do not push, negotiate or tell you a story about why this time is different. They do not test your boundary to see if you will bend. They do not invent an emergency or promise to pay you back. A person worth meeting respects what you have said and starts planning the date.
What happens when you say no to a scammer
A scammer will push. They will say the emergency is real. They will say you do not trust them. They will disappear for a while, then come back with a new excuse or a different request. 4 If you hold firm, they move on to someone else. That is the time to end the chat, report the profile and block.
Why meeting first matters
Meeting in person is the one thing a scammer cannot do without getting caught. They have no photos of themselves, only pictures they stole from someone else. They cannot show up to a coffee and look like their profile. 1 So they will find reasons to avoid it: a work trip, a visa problem, an accident. A real match wants to meet you. They suggest a day and a place. They do not keep delaying.
On Dateable, both people can see that the other is verified: your profile photo matches a live selfie, reviewed by a person. That is not proof of character, but it is proof you exist and you match what you say you look like. A scammer's photos are not theirs to verify. They do not show up to be checked.
Until you have sat across from someone and they have been exactly who they said they were, no ask is urgent enough. You do not owe money to a stranger, no matter how long you have talked or how much you like them. Wait for the meeting. Let the person show you who they are.
Protect yourself
On Dateable, messages stay on the platform until you and another member both agree you are ready to move offline. Use that protection. If someone tries to move you to WhatsApp or email and then starts asking for money, you can still report the profile on Dateable and block them. 4
If you are a generous member, read the guides for generous members before your first date. If you are thinking about scams and safety, learn to spot the most common patterns. And before you join any dating site, read the safety guide that covers what to watch for and what to do if something feels wrong.
Sources
- Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Relationship scams.
- Federal Trade Commission (2022). What To Know About Romance Scams.
- Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre (2026). Relationship and romance.
- Stop! Think Fraud (UK Government) (2026). Protect yourself from romance fraud.
