DateableHow to plan your own way to and from a date
Plan your transport before you leave and tell someone where you are. You control when the date ends, and you can leave if something does not feel right.
Plan how you will get to a date and back home before you leave. A charged phone, enough money for a taxi or ride, and a backup plan mean you decide when to leave, can leave early if you need to, and are never stuck waiting for your date to take you home. The difference between feeling in control and feeling trapped often comes down to whether you planned your exit before you arrived. This is a core part of first date safety.
Plan your return before you go
The moment you plan a first date, plan how you will get home on your own 1. Do not wait until the end of the evening or assume your date will drive you. If you have your own transport, know the fastest way home. If you are using public transport, check the last train or bus of the night before you leave, and note how long the journey takes. If you plan to call a taxi or ride, know the cost and whether services run late in that area.
This serves two purposes. First, you keep control of when the date ends. If things are going well you can stay out. If they are not, you can leave. Second, you never end up trapped, waiting for your date to offer you a lift that you do not want or relying on someone you have just met to get you safely home.
Carry a charged phone and backup money
Before you leave home, charge your phone fully 1. Carry enough cash or a payment card to pay for a taxi or ride home if you need it, even if your date offered to pay for everything. You do not need their help to get home: having your own money means you are free to leave at any time. If you usually travel by ride-share, load a payment method you control. If you usually take taxis, carry cash so you do not need to hand over a card. If you use public transport, have a payment card or ticket with you.
If your phone dies, you cannot check your route home, call a taxi, or reach the friend who knows where you are. Your date could have access to your location data or photos. If you run out of money and your date knows it, you are dependent on them for a ride, a favour, or an explanation. Keep both with you and check them before the date starts. Bring a portable battery pack if you are worried about charge: an hour or two of phone use could be the difference between getting home safely and being stuck.
Choose where they see your transport
If you are driving, do not park in front of your date's house or in a place where they can see your car or learn where you live 2. Park a block or two away. If you are being picked up, arrange to be dropped at a location so your date does not see the street you live on or go to your door. A busy intersection, a train station, a cafe a short walk from home: anywhere public that is not your front door.
Someone who wants to see where you live before you are ready to tell them is someone whose boundaries you should question.
Have a backup if your first plan falls through
What if your ride is late? What if the last train ran early? What if your date suggests going somewhere you did not plan for and you cannot get home the way you intended? Before you meet, have a second option. Build a backup that suits your situation:
- If your plan is public transport, carry cash or a payment card for a taxi or ride-share.
- If your plan is a taxi or ride-share, know an alternative public transport route and when the last service runs.
- Save a friend's number and know you can call them for a ride. Tell them beforehand that you might need this favour.
- Have the phone number of a local taxi service saved, or keep an app for ride-sharing installed and topped up.
- If your date is paying and insists on driving you home, know whether you can safely ask them to drop you at a point you choose instead of your address.
A backup plan is not paranoia: it is the difference between a small inconvenience and being stranded. If you end up somewhere unexpected or your date becomes difficult, your backup is the option that lets you leave on your own terms without negotiation or waiting for someone else to help you.
Tell someone where you are
Tell a trusted friend or family member the date, the time, the location where you are meeting, and when you expect to be home 2. Call them or text them when you arrive at the date, and call them again when you get home. If something changes, update them. If you do not make it home on time, they know to follow up.
Some people are comfortable sharing their location on their phone with a trusted person while the date is happening 2. That is your choice, and so is deciding you would rather not. Either way, the person you tell should be someone who will act if something goes wrong, not someone who will forget.
What to do if your date objects
If you tell your date you are driving yourself or taking public transport home and they push back, offer to pay for a ride, or suggest you stay at their place, that is a sign to cut the date short and leave. Someone who respects you will respect how you get home. Someone who does not is showing you something important about who they are.
I'm planning to drive home tonight. That works better for me.
You do not need to explain or negotiate. If they keep pushing, leave. Do not worry about being rude. Your safety matters more than their comfort.
Why this is about control, not fear
Planning your own transport is not about assuming danger. It is about keeping decisions in your hands. Whether you take a taxi, drive yourself, or take the bus, your choice about when and how to leave makes every first date safer and every date less awkward. You are not dependent on your date for anything except the date itself. That is the position you want to be in when you meet someone new.
Sources
- New Zealand Police (2026). Safety advice.
- Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
