DateableHow the "proof of loyalty" sugar daddy scam works
A fake sugar daddy promises money, then asks for a small payment first to "prove" you're serious. If you pay, they disappear.
A fake sugar daddy matches with you, flatters you, and offers a generous allowance. Then they ask for a small payment first, called 'proof of loyalty', a transfer fee or an unlock charge. Once you pay, they disappear. The whole sequence is designed to take advantage of the hope and flattery that came first.
The scam plays out in stages
The scammer starts by building trust. They send flattering messages, ask interested questions about you, and move quickly to saying they like you and want to help. This happens over days or weeks, long enough that you start to believe they are real.
Then they bring up money. They mention they have generous income from business, military service or overseas work. They offer to help you: pay your rent, clear a debt, support you while you study. The numbers are large and specific. This is where the scam uses the hope and flattery from the first stage. You have already started to imagine the arrangement.
So far, the scammer has asked for nothing. They are the one offering. Now they introduce a small problem.
Why the first ask is small on purpose
The scammer now says they cannot send the money directly. There is a 'proof of loyalty' charge, a transfer fee, a verification cost or an 'unlock' to activate the payment. The amount is small: anywhere from fifty to a few hundred dollars. Small enough that you might pay it yourself if the reward (the large allowance) is real. 1
The scammer counts on you to think: I give fifty dollars, I get thousands. It is a rational trade if they are real. So you pay. You transfer the money, or buy a gift card and send the code.
Then the scammer either disappears, or they come back with a reason the money did not go through. They ask you to pay again: a second fee, another 'verification', another code. Each time, the amount is still small enough to ask. Each time, the promised reward moves further away but not quite out of reach.
A variant with fake deposits
In another version of this scam, the fake sugar daddy says they have sent you a large sum: sometimes thousands of dollars. A deposit hits your account. Your bank shows the money. But then the scammer says it was a mistake, or a system error, or they sent too much. They ask you to send part of it back. So you do. 1
Weeks later, the deposit reverses. Your bank takes the money back because the original transfer was fraudulent. You are now out of pocket for whatever you sent back. The bank may close your account.
The one defence that always works
Nobody who is actually going to send you money needs money from you first. 2 3
If someone is real and has the income they claim, they can afford to send you the first payment. If they ask you to pay before they pay you, they are not real, or the money is not real, or the arrangement is not what they said.
I appreciate the offer, but if you can afford to send me that much, you can afford to send it first. I am not able to pay any fees upfront.
You do not need an excuse. You do not need to soften it. If they are real, they will send the money. If they are not, they will move on to someone else. Either way, you know.
Red flags to watch for
- They profess feelings very quickly or use romantic language early on.
- They give a reason why they cannot meet in person: work overseas, military deployment, business travel.
- They move the conversation off the dating app to WhatsApp, email or another messaging service, so it is harder to report them.
- They ask for your banking details, home address or phone number.
- They offer to help with money, or pay off debts, very early in the conversation.
- Any request for you to send money first, even a small amount. 1
If you already paid
Call your bank today. Tell them you sent money to a scammer, and give them the details: the amount, the date, who you sent it to and the method you used. Your bank may be able to stop the transaction if it has not cleared yet, or reverse it if it has. Even if the money is gone, your bank can help you protect the rest of your account and watch for fraud. 1
Then block the person on the dating app and report the profile. This helps protect other members. If you sent money through a payment app or gift cards, report it to that company as well.
If you are struggling with the financial or emotional impact, talk to someone you trust, or contact a support line. You are not foolish for hoping someone was real. Scammers are skilled at building trust, and you did the right thing by stopping when you saw the pattern.
To spot a scam before you pay, read about the warning signs of common scams. If you are new to sugar dating and want to understand how real arrangements work and where the risks are, our guide to sugar dating safety walks you through the whole process.
Sources
- WA ScamNet (Government of Western Australia, Consumer Protection) (2026). Sugar baby scam.
- Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Relationship scams.
- Federal Trade Commission (2022). What To Know About Romance Scams.
