DateableWhat to say when a match wants money to prove you are real
When someone asks for money to prove you are real, it is a scam. Say no: you are verified, you will video call, and you do not send money before meeting.
When a match asks for money to prove you are real, you are talking to a scammer. Your response is simple: "I'm verified, and I'm happy to video call. I don't send money before we meet."
The proof-of-loyalty trick
The scam comes in a few shapes. One version borrows the language of sugar dating: a profile claims to be looking for an arrangement and offers to pay your bills, cover your rent or clear your debts. But first, they say, you need to send a small amount as proof of loyalty, good faith or trust, or to cover transaction fees. 1
Another version uses a fake deposit. The scammer sends you a large sum of money, then claims it was sent by mistake. They ask you to send it back by buying gift cards (Apple iTunes, Google Play or Steam) and sending them the codes. The deposit came from a stolen account, so it vanishes within days. You are left owing the money to your bank. 1
What makes these scams effective is speed and flattery. A scammer moves quickly: they match you, they declare interest fast, they make generous offers and they build a sense of urgency. The request for money feels like a small test, a hurdle to clear before the real support starts. It never does.
Both versions have one thing in common: they ask you to move first. A real match does not ask you to send money before you have met face to face. And a real match does not ask for gift cards, cryptocurrency, bank details or payments via app.
What to say the first time
When someone asks you to send money, be clear and direct. You do not have to explain or apologize. Do not say "I cannot", which invites them to help you find a way. Do not say "I don't have it", which invites them to send you money first. Say no outright.
I don't send money before we meet in person. I'm happy to do a video call instead, and then we can plan a time to meet.
This is clean, practical and sets a boundary. You are offering an alternative that serves the same purpose: proving you are real. A video call shows your face, your voice and your body language. It is harder to fake than a profile picture.
If they push back, do not negotiate. They may say it is just a small amount, or that they will pay you back double, or that they cannot video call because of work or family. None of that matters. Repeat yourself once and then stop:
That doesn't work for me. I've set that boundary. If that doesn't suit you, I wish you well.
Then block them. Anyone who asks for money after you have said no is trying to manipulate you, and there is no point talking to them again. You do not owe them a conversation.
This is the same trick, flipped
Sugar dating works because both sides name what they want and agree to it. The proof-of-loyalty scam takes that agreement and weaponises it. A scammer will say "I want to help you, but you have to prove you are real first". In truth, that "help" is the scam. They are testing whether you will send money.
This is no different from the scams that target people looking for romance. One person asks for money under false pretences, the other person sends it, and the money goes missing. 2 The only difference is the cover story.
Real proof costs nothing
If you are genuinely interested in someone and they are worried about whether you are real, there is a proof that costs nothing: a video call. A video call shows them you match your photos. It shows them you are a real person, here and now, on your own device. A scammer will avoid a video call, make excuses or ask you to video on a different app where the call quality is poor. 3
Dateable also offers verification. If you get verified, any match can see that a real person reviewed your photos and matched them to you. That is proof.
Someone who is serious will meet
A real match wants to meet you in person. They do not need your bank details, your home address or your money first. They are willing to do a video call to show you they are who they say they are. If a match asks you for money and will not video call, you already know the answer: they are not who they claim.
When you plan to meet, as a generous member, you stay in control. You choose the venue, you choose the time, and you meet in a public place. A real match accepts that. A scammer will push back, make excuses or disappear when you suggest it.
What to watch for
- Anyone who asks for money before you have met in person.
- Anyone who asks for banking details, your home address or your phone number early on.
- Offers to pay off your debts or cover your bills in exchange for a small "good faith" payment.
- Pressure to move off the dating app to WhatsApp, email or another messenger. 1
- Requests for intimate photos. 1
- Excuses for why they cannot video call: the camera does not work, their phone is broken, the app is glitchy.
If any of these happen, stop replying and report the profile. Do not send money, do not send photos, and do not give them any information they could use to find you.
Sources
- WA ScamNet (Government of Western Australia, Consumer Protection) (2026). Sugar baby scam.
- Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Relationship scams.
- Get Cyber Safe (Government of Canada) (2021). Online dating cyber security: Three ways to stay protected.
