DateableSafety check for any new date idea
Five safety checks before saying yes to a new date idea. If the answer to any is no, ask your date to change the plan.
Before saying yes to a new kind of date, ask five questions. If the answer to any of them is no, ask your date to change the plan.
The five questions
These are the safety checks that matter early on, when you are still deciding whether to meet or go somewhere new with someone you do not know well. Dating is exciting, and it is easy to get carried along by attention and chemistry and say yes to something before you have really thought it through. These five questions are a pause. They are not rules to kill the mood. They are the baseline checks that let you go on dates confident that you have thought about what could go wrong.
- Is the date in a public place with other people around?
- Can you leave on your own, whenever you want?
- Does a trusted person know exactly where you are and when you expect home?
- Is this date about more than just drinking?
- Can you get home without depending on your date?
If the answer to any of these is no, your date needs to change something before you go. This is not rude. It is the most basic kind of looking after yourself.
Public and crowded wins
Choose a place with lots of people around 1: a bar, a cafe, a park in daylight, somewhere busy where you can talk but are not alone. If your date suggests moving to a quieter place later, say no until you have met them several times. If they push back, that tells you something useful.
If they suggest somewhere private, on your own, or somewhere new that you have not heard of, pause. If they change the venue at the last minute to somewhere you do not know, cancel. A person who respects your time will text you the address ahead. A person who keeps changing plans or springing a new location on you is showing you something: either they are not thinking, or they do not care that you need to feel safe.
Somewhere public means somewhere with witnesses. It means if something goes wrong, there are people around who can help. It means you can relax a little, because you have backup.
Your own way out
Take your own transport so you control when you leave. Do not get in their car, do not let them drive you home, do not accept a lift unless you have met them many times and trust them. This is not about being paranoid. It is about keeping your choices in your own hands.
A car is a private space. Once you are in it, the only way out is to ask them to stop, and that can be hard when you are still being polite and the date feels like it is going fine. You are alone with someone you do not know well, you are trapped if they decide to keep driving, and you have handed them control over where you go and when you can leave. Stay independent.
Public transport or your own car means you set when the date ends. You stand up, you say goodbye, you leave. Full stop. That is the freedom you need when you do not know someone yet.
Tell someone where you are
Before you go, text a friend or family member the name of the place, the address, the time you plan to leave, and the name of your date if you have it. After the date, call them or send a text to say you are home.
I'm meeting Alex at the Oak Bar, 42 Smith Street, at 7pm. I should be home by 10. I'll text you when I get there.
If your date asks why you are doing this, tell them: you are being safe. Do not soften it or apologize. If they have a problem with it, that is a warning sign. Anyone who cares about you will not mind. Anyone who thinks you should not tell your friends where you are is someone to be wary of.
This is not optional. This is the one thing that matters most: someone else knows exactly where you are and when to expect to hear from you. If something goes wrong, that person can help.
Alcohol and safety
Spiking is giving someone a substance without their knowledge or consent, usually by adding extra alcohol or drugs to a drink 2. You cannot see, smell or taste it most of the time 2. If your entire date plan revolves around drinking, or if your date pushes drinking in a way that feels pressurizing, that is worth noticing. Alcohol is meant to help you relax and enjoy yourself, not to lower your guard or make you easier to manipulate.
Keep sight of your drink and do not keep drinking a drink you left unattended. If you feel suddenly much drunker than you should be, tell someone at the venue straight away 2. Symptoms of spiking include sudden drunkenness, dizziness, confusion, nausea, blurred vision and memory loss. Get medical help if something feels wrong 2.
Getting home is yours to plan
You need a way home that does not depend on your date. A taxi. Your car. Public transport. A friend meeting you. Know how you are getting there before you leave home, and have money or a card to pay. Do not put yourself in a position where your date is your only way home, because that gives them power over you at the end of the night when you are tired and your defences are down.
This matters especially if you have drunk alcohol. You need to be in control of how you get home. You need to be able to say no to a ride offer without being stranded.
You do not owe your date anything 3: not sex, not more time, not a second date. If at any point the date feels wrong or unsafe, you can leave. If you want to go home early, go. Your safety comes before politeness.
Sources
- Victoria Police (2025). Safety tips when meeting someone from online.
- Gloucestershire Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust (2025). Spiking.
- Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
