DateableHow to stay safe in same-gender sugar dating
The plan works for same-gender dating too. LGB+ women get worse outcomes: tell someone you trust, know where to report.
The usual safety plan works for same-gender dating too. What is different is that LGB+ women face higher rates of dating app violence and report it less often, partly because they are less satisfied with how platforms respond 1. That difference matters because it means you have to be more proactive: you cannot rely solely on a platform to protect you.
The safety plan
You know this part: meet in a public place with other people around, on your first date. Take your own transport so you can leave when you want. Tell someone you trust where you are going, when and with whom. Charge your phone. Keep your drink where you can see it. Share your location with a trusted person if you feel OK about that.
Do not go to their place or have them come to yours on a first date. Do not give them your home address, your workplace or your regular places until you trust them. If they push to meet away from people or somewhere you do not know, cancel.
Tell at least one person who knows you date
The Australian research found that LGB+ women who experienced dating app facilitated violence reported it to police less often than other groups. Part of that is stigma: some people do not tell anyone they are using dating apps, so they cannot tell anyone when something goes wrong.
Tell at least one person who you trust that you are dating, and that you date people you meet online. It does not have to be everyone. It does not have to be your family. It is someone who knows you and will notice if something shifts, and who you can call at 3am if you need to leave somewhere fast.
I am dating someone I met through Dateable on Saturday night at The Barker, 7pm. Here is their profile.
That much is enough. They do not need to interview your date or meet them. They just need to know.
Discretion is not the same as secrecy
Discretion is privacy you choose: you date carefully, you do not broadcast it on your timeline, you keep your private photos truly private. That is yours to decide.
Secrecy is hiding it from everyone because you feel ashamed or afraid. Secrecy is what puts you at risk. If no one knows you are on a date and no one knows where you are, no one can help you if something goes wrong.
Know where to report
LGB+ women were least satisfied with how dating platforms responded when they reported violence 1. That matters. If you report through the app and get a poor response, you have other options. The gap between what platforms do and what you need is real, which is why knowing where else to turn makes a difference.
On Dateable, report and block are one press from any profile or message. A report reaches a person.
But reporting to the platform is different from reporting to police. A dating app is not an investigator. Police are. If someone has hurt you or threatened you, you can report to police and get an investigation. There is no time limit to report a sexual assault in Australia.
- Sexual assault, sexual harassment, stalking and image-based abuse: 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is open 24 hours, 7 days a week. They help you decide whether to report and they advocate for you if you do.
- In an emergency, call 000.
- Report to the dating platform because it stops that profile from doing it again.
LGB+ women and harm from dating apps
Australian research of people who reported dating app violence to police found that LGB+ women faced disproportionately high rates of violence but had the lowest reporting rates 2. Some had negative experiences reporting to police that made them less likely to report again. That is not acceptable, and you get to decide what to do.
Some LGB+ women do not report because they have never had to think through what support looks like for them, or they assume nothing will happen. Others worry about having to come out in order to be believed, or they have had bad experiences before. Your hesitation makes sense. It is also not a reason to stay alone with what happened.
It does not mean safety is hopeless. It means you are not alone in what you face, other people have been through it, and there are services built to help people like you. Services like 1800RESPECT know these barriers exist. They are trained to listen to you, to believe you, and to help you decide what comes next without pressure. One person knowing where you are, one blocked profile, one call: each one matters.
What you need to know about Dateable
Verification is a live selfie compared to your photos. It shows you match who you say you are. Every photo is reviewed before anyone sees it. Verified members can apply to dates on the Board. When you report a profile or message, a person reviews it, not a bot.
Sources
- Lawler, S. M., & Boxall, H. (Australian Institute of Criminology) (2024). User experiences of reporting dating app facilitated sexual violence to dating platforms.
- Lawler, S. M., & Boxall, H. (Australian Institute of Criminology) (2023). Reporting of dating app facilitated sexual violence to the police: Victim-survivor experiences and outcomes.
