DateableStandards any generous member should meet: a checklist
Six standards for any generous member: verified, video call first, public meeting, no money upfront, accepts no, and keeps time.
Every person who approaches you should meet six standards, whatever they offer. These are not high demands or unusual requests: they are basic signs of someone who is genuine, respectful and safe to meet. A match who balks at any of them is telling you something useful. These standards protect you from scammers, time-wasters and people who do not respect boundaries. They also filter for people worth your time.
His profile is verified
On Dateable, verification is a live selfie compared to the photos he posted. If his profile shows the verification badge, he is the person in his photos. It takes two minutes. If he is not verified, ask yourself why. Someone genuine will make the video call to prove he matches what he posted. It is not a complicated ask, and anyone serious about meeting you will do it without hesitation.
Get verified yourself and hold the same standard for anyone you consider meeting. Verification does not check identity documents or income: it just shows that the face in the messages is the same face in the photos. That is all you need to know that he is real.
He will video call before you meet in person
Video chat before a first meeting serves two purposes: you can see whether he matches his photos, and you can confirm he is real. It takes fifteen minutes, sometimes less. [Scammers build trust online first, and one of their red flags is making an excuse to avoid video calls.] 1 An excuse like "my camera is broken" or "I am too busy this week" is often a sign he is not who he says he is.
Someone who is serious about meeting you will not hesitate. He will want to video call so you can see him too. If he does not want to video call, he is either hiding something or he does not respect your time. Either way, you do not have to continue the conversation. Do not keep texting someone who will not do this.
I'd love to meet. Can we do a quick video call first so I know you match your photos?
He meets you in public and you travel on your own
[Meet in a public place with other people around.] 2 Your first date is daytime or evening, never private. More importantly, you get yourself there. This means you control when you leave. If he changes the meeting place at the last minute to somewhere you do not know, cancel. Do not go to his home or have him come to yours on a first date. 2
He never asks for money, a gift card, banking details or a fee
Not at the start. Not ever, really. A genuine generous member spends money on you in person: he buys your meal, he gives you a gift he hands to you, he pays for an experience you are both in. Real generosity happens face to face, in real time. It does not happen through a bank transfer before you have met.
Someone who asks you to pay for anything upfront, or to give banking details, or to pay a fee to "unlock" talking to him, is running a scam. [Scammers build trust online and then ask for money, sometimes after a long time.] 1 They may claim they need the money for a flight to meet you, or a business emergency, or to "verify" you. None of this is real. If someone asks for money, stop replying and report the profile. Do not send anything, and do not feel guilty about refusing.
He accepts a no the first time
No to a coffee. No to a meeting. No to trying again. A man who respects you takes it the first time. If he keeps messaging after you have said no, or changes your agreed plans without asking, he is not being generous. He is testing whether you will bend. You do not owe him an explanation. You can block and move on.
He keeps the time he sets
If he says he will message at seven, he messages at seven. If he says he will be at the bar at eight, he is there at eight. Reliability is respect. It tells you whether he values your time and your plans. Someone who is repeatedly late or who cancels without notice is saying that your time does not matter to him. That is enough reason to drop him.
His behaviour matches what he says
There is one more standard that covers all of these: what he says matches what he does. He says he wants to meet, then he moves the conversation forward. He says he is generous, then he is generous. He says he respects your boundaries, then he respects them. You do not have to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. Watch what he does before you invest time or emotion.
Every standard on this list comes from real safety advice. None of them ask you to give anything up or hurt yourself. All of them keep the power in your hands. First date safety matters everywhere, from your first coffee to your first weekend away together. If someone is unwilling to meet any of these standards, he is not the right match.
Sources
- Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Relationship scams.
- Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
