DateableWhat to tell a friend before a Board date, with examples
Send someone you trust the who, where, when and when you expect home. Share your location. Add a code phrase for emergencies.
Before a Board date, tell a trusted friend who you are meeting, where, what time, and when you expect to be home. Share your location with them so they know where you are the whole time. A friend on standby is your best safety net.
Set it up before you leave
The best time to arrange this is before you leave home. You want your friend to know what you know about the person: their profile, the venue, the plan. This is not about not trusting your date. It is about having someone who can raise an alarm if something goes wrong, or help you leave if you decide to end it early.
Screenshot the person's Board listing and their profile photo before you go. Send both to your friend. This gives them a clear picture of who you are meeting and what you said you would do together.
What to send them
Your message does not need to be long. It just needs to be complete. Here is what to include:
- Their name or how they appeared on the Board
- Where you are meeting, with the venue name and address
- When you are meeting and what time you expect to be back
- A photo of their listing and their profile, or a link you can both see
- Your location sharing link, and confirmation they have opened it
Example messages
Before the date, send something like this:
I am meeting someone from Board at The Esplanade, Scarborough, at 3pm on Saturday. I expect to be home by 5:30pm. The person is 'Alex', profile here [link]. I am turning on location sharing now. Can you confirm you can see it?
If things are going well and you will stay longer, send a quick update:
Having a good time, staying another hour. Back around 6:30 instead.
When you get home or decide to leave early, let them know:
I'm home safe. Alex was nice, we got coffee and talked for an hour. Thanks for looking out.
A code phrase for getting out
Agree on a code phrase before you go that means 'call me with an excuse so I can leave'. Keep it simple and easy to type: a word, a number, or a short phrase only the two of you will understand. If you text it during the date, your friend calls you right away with a fake emergency that gives you a reason to step away.
For example: 'pizza' might be the code. If you text 'I'm thinking of pizza', your friend knows you need a way out and will call within two minutes. You answer and say 'Oh no, really? Okay, I have to go'. You do not need to explain further to your date.
Why screenshots matter
Your friend cannot help you if they do not know what to look for. A screenshot of the Board listing shows them where you are meeting and what the person is offering. A screenshot of the profile photo shows them who you were expecting to meet. If something goes wrong and you need help, your friend knows exactly who to describe to police and where to send them.
Screenshots also protect you both: they are proof of what was agreed to before you met. If a dispute arises later, the message and screenshots show what you said you would do.
What about your location
Most phones have a way to share your location in real time. On Apple devices, open Maps and tap your profile, then set up location sharing with a contact. On Android, Google Maps has a similar feature. Send your friend the link and confirm they can see it opening, which means it is working.
Share your location with a trusted friend so they can see where you are. Do this before you leave home. Do not wait until you are already at the venue.
If you do not want to share your location for the whole day, ask your friend to turn off the ability to see it once you are home. They can also delete the chat or location link once the date is over. You keep control: you decide when the sharing stops.
After you get home
Check in with your friend within a few minutes of getting home. A simple message is fine: 'I'm home' or 'Home safe'. If your friend had to call you during the date to get you out, have that conversation later when you are ready.
If the date went well and you plan a second one, do the same thing again. This is not because something bad happened: it is just because staying safe is something you do every time. If you keep this habit, you and your friend both know the plan.
Choose someone who will actually help
The person you tell needs to be someone who will pay attention and answer their phone. They should understand that if you text the code phrase, they drop everything and call. They should not be someone who will worry so much that they call the police without checking with you first, or someone who will judge you for dating.
A friend, a family member, a partner or a housemate all work, as long as they are sober and nearby. Tell them once what the plan is. If they understand, they will remember.
