DateableWhen and how to withdraw a Board application
Withdraw the moment you know you cannot go or no longer want to, before the host accepts. You can withdraw at any time before acceptance.
Withdraw your application the moment you know you cannot go or no longer want to, and do it before the host accepts you. An applicant can withdraw at any time before acceptance; withdrawing is fairer to the host than letting an acceptance sit unanswered, and you cannot apply twice to the same listing, so be sure before you withdraw.
Why you can withdraw
When you apply for an invitation on the Board, you are signalling interest in what the host is offering. If your circumstances change: your schedule fills up, you meet someone else, you realise the event is not for you. You can step back. Withdrawal before the host accepts costs you nothing and tells the host to look at other applicants.
Your withdrawal happens in the app. The host sees that you have withdrawn and can invite someone else. It is fast, clear and leaves no ambiguity.
Why withdrawing is better than disappearing
When a host accepts your application, they have made a choice. They are counting on you to confirm or to tell them no. If you say nothing after acceptance, the host does not know whether you saw the message, changed your mind, or forgot. They cannot move on to someone else.
Withdrawing before acceptance is different. You are saying no while the host still has time to invite another person. The host then knows the answer right away and can look at the next applicant without waiting to hear from you.
It is fairer to the host, and it is the signal they are looking for.
When to withdraw
The time to withdraw is as soon as you know your answer is no. The sooner the host hears, the sooner they can find someone else.
- Your schedule changes and you cannot make the date.
- The event is not what you thought, and you have lost interest.
- You have met someone else and no longer want to apply for other invitations.
- You are not ready, or the listing is not the right fit for you.
- You have applied to several listings and only want to keep one open.
The rule you cannot break
Dateable has one hard rule on applications: you cannot apply twice to the same listing. If you withdraw from a listing, you cannot apply to it again. So before you withdraw, be sure you do not want to go.
This rule exists to stop people from playing games with applications. It keeps the process fair for hosts and for other applicants. It also means you need to be thoughtful. If you withdraw and then change your mind, that listing is closed to you.
How to withdraw
Withdrawal is a press of a button in the app. Open the listing you applied to, and the option to withdraw will be there while your application is pending. That is, while the host has not yet accepted you.
Once you withdraw, your application is gone. The host can see that you have withdrawn, and the invitation is open to other applicants again.
If the host has already accepted you, withdrawal is no longer an option. At that point, you need to accept and confirm or decline when you message the host.
Before you apply
Because you cannot apply twice to the same listing, spend a moment before you hit apply. Read what the host is offering. Look at the date and the time. Check that you are genuinely interested and that you can go.
Applications are not bookmarks. They are signals to the host that you want to meet. If you use them that way, you stand out as someone who is serious. The host is more likely to accept you, and you are less likely to need to withdraw.
Before you apply, read the invitation twice. Ask yourself: do I want to go to this, at this time, with this person? If the answer is yes, apply. If it is maybe, wait.
If the host does not respond
Sometimes a host accepts your application and then stops replying. You messaged them, they saw it, and now there is silence. That is frustrating and unfair, but it happens.
You can still accept and confirm your end of the plan whenever you want. You do not need the host to answer. Write out when you plan to meet, where, and that you will be there. That puts the ball in their court: they either confirm or they do not. If they do not reply after that, you have done what you said you would do.
Do not withdraw when the host has already accepted you. Withdrawal is only an option while your application is waiting for a decision. Once they have said yes, withdraw the plan itself if you need to. Put it on the record that you cannot go. But withdrawal of your application will not be available. The host needs to know you received their acceptance and what your answer is.
Applying for an invitation
For more on how to apply and what the host is looking for, read apply for an invitation. And if you are the host, read how the Board works and what happens when you accept an applicant.
