DateableHow to ask for a video call before a first date
Suggest a short video call as a normal step before meeting in person. It is a safe, easy way to find out if the connection is real.
Ask for a short video call as a normal step, not a test: "I always do a quick call before meeting. Ten minutes this week?" A real match says yes easily, and repeated excuses to avoid any call are a reason not to meet.
Why a video call before the first date
Text can hide a lot. Someone can write well and sound compatible, but chemistry only shows when you see each other. A ten-minute call tells you that without the travel, and without the risk of meeting someone who is not who they said. Excuses to avoid video calls are one of the warning signs Scamwatch lists for relationship scams 1.
A video call also protects the other person. They want to know the real you too, and they want to know you are serious before they get ready and travel somewhere.
On Dateable, where expectations are part of the deal, a quick call lets you test whether the conversation flows before you talk about money, terms or time. It answers the first question: is this person real and are they someone I want to spend time with?
How to ask
Make it a normal suggestion, not a test. Frame it as something you always do, and make it quick and optional enough that it feels low-pressure.
I always do a quick call before meeting. Ten minutes this week?
That is it. You can also say it after a few messages when the conversation is moving:
This feels worth a real conversation. Free for a call sometime?
Keep the ask small. Ten minutes, not an hour. This week, not a vague date. A small ask gets a yes. A big ask gets a maybe that becomes a no.
If they ask why, keep the answer about you, not them:
It's just how I do it with everyone. I like hearing someone's voice before I sit across from them. Happy to do it whenever suits you this week.
Offer two or three times rather than asking them to find one. It is easier to say yes to "Tuesday at eight or Wednesday at lunch?" than to an open question.
Why ten minutes works
Ten minutes is long enough to hear their voice, see whether their energy matches the messages, and notice if they are who they said they were. It is short enough that if there is no spark, neither of you has wasted much time.
You can hide your background. Sit against a blank wall, or turn on background blur if your video app has it. Leave out anything that shows your street, your workplace or mail with your address. More on that in protecting your privacy.
What to do if they say yes
Pick a time that suits you both and keep it brief. Talk about something from the messages, ask how their week is going, and see if the conversation flows. If there is chemistry, you both feel it. If there is not, you know before the first date.
The first moments are often awkward. That is normal, and it passes once one of you picks up a thread from the messages.
At the end, suggest a real date if you want to: a place, a day, a time. If the call went well and they are interested, they will say yes.
What repeated excuses mean
A real match is usually willing to spend ten minutes on a call before a date. If someone keeps saying they are too busy, they do not have a camera, they prefer to meet in person, or they will call you later, then they are giving you information. They are either genuinely not interested, they are not who they said, or they do not take the connection seriously.
After you ask twice and get excuses both times, let it go. Do not meet them. If the excuses come with a story about working overseas or a request for money, read how to spot a scam.
If they keep cancelling or rescheduling
Sometimes someone says yes but then cancels or asks to reschedule. Once is fine: life happens. Twice means they do not want to do it. After two cancellations, you can propose once more, but that is it. Do not spend three months chasing a ten-minute call.
If they offer a reason that genuinely looks true (they were sick, their internet died), they will usually volunteer a new time. If they do not, they are telling you they are not interested in moving forward.
One thing to leave out
Do not tell them you are checking whether they are real. They already know that is part of what the call is for. Saying it out loud turns a friendly chat into a hearing.
If the call goes well, suggest the date before you hang up, and plan it with the first-date safety basics: somewhere public, your own way home, and a friend who knows where you are.
Sources
- Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Relationship scams.
