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Checklist before you send money to someone you met online

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Never send money to someone you have not met in person. Even after, use caution: watch for urgency, secrecy, fees, gift cards, crypto or investment tips.

4 minute readUpdated 2026-09-30

Never send money to someone you have not met in person. After you do meet, the rules become only a little less strict: no urgency, no secrecy, no fees, no gift cards, no crypto, and no investment tips from a stranger. This checklist stops the scams that hurt people most.

Before you meet: the first check is the only one you need

Every government scam service says the same thing: do not send money, gifts or gift cards to anyone you have not met in person. ^{1 2} Generosity is not the problem. Until you have met, you cannot know the person on the other end is who they say they are.

Scammers build trust first, sometimes for a long time. ³ They say they want to meet but cannot, because they work abroad, serve in the military or travel. Then comes the ask: a plane ticket, visa fees, a medical emergency. ¹ Do not send it, no matter how real it feels.

I've loved talking to you and want to help, but I can't send money to someone I haven't met in person. Once I know you properly, things can change. For now, let's keep getting to know each other.

That script works. If they cannot accept it, they were never going to meet you anyway.

While you wait to meet, run a reverse image search on their photos and talk the situation over with someone you trust. ³ A friend who has not been charmed for weeks sees the pattern faster than you will. Suggest a video call too: someone who always has an excuse not to video call is a warning sign on its own. ⁴

After you meet: six warning signs

If you have met in person, the rules change slightly. Generosity becomes possible. But scammers also exist on the other side of a first date, so look for these red flags:

1. Urgency and pressure. They need money today. Tomorrow is too late. Real partners, real dates, real arrangements work on a calendar.
2. Secrecy. They ask you not to tell anyone about the money, the allowance or the relationship. ² Genuine generous members do not ask you to hide what you are doing together.
3. A fee to unlock something. They say they need a payment to release a larger amount to you, or to open a money order, or to activate a transfer. Real money never needs a fee to reach you.
4. Gift cards. They ask you to buy iTunes cards, Google Play cards, Amazon cards or any gift card from a store and text them the code. No legitimate person needs this. Scammers do.
5. Cryptocurrency or investment tips. They suggest you invest in crypto, or they offer to teach you. They may let you withdraw small amounts at first, then push for larger ones. ⁵ Recovering crypto losses is unlikely. ⁶
6. The money is not theirs to move. They ask you to receive money into your account for them, then send it on. ⁵ Say no, whatever the story.

If your date ticks even one of these boxes, stop. If someone on a dating site asks you for money, stop talking to them. ⁷ You do not owe an explanation. One line is enough:

I don't send money that way. I'm going to leave it here.

Then block them and report their profile.

How to pay once you are sure

Once you have met in person and you want to be generous, agree the method when you talk about allowance. Two methods keep it simple:

• Pay a named bill directly to the business: the restaurant, the hotel, the course fee. The money goes where you both agreed.
• Use an ordinary bank transfer to an account in their own name, from inside your own banking app.

Gift cards, cryptocurrency and wire transfers are the methods scammers ask for. ¹ A real partner has no reason to need them.

Keep records

Write down the dates you gave money, how much, and what it was for. Keep the receipts or bank statements. If something goes wrong later, you have a record. If it goes right, you both know what you have agreed to. This matters for money and records: it is not romantic to be vague, and it is not controlling to be clear.

What to do if you already sent money

If you have already sent money to someone you have not met, contact your bank straight away. In Australia, IDCARE (1800 595 160) helps with identity recovery, and you can report to Scamwatch. ³ If you paid with a gift card, contact the gift card company and keep the card and the receipt. ⁸

Report the profile on Dateable too. Do not send more money, and do not believe promises you will be repaid. If a stranger then offers to recover your money for a fee, that is a second scam. ⁹

As a generous member, you decide when and how you give. Anyone who tries to hurry that decision has answered the checklist for you.

Sources

1. Federal Trade Commission (2022). What To Know About Romance Scams.
2. Stop! Think Fraud (UK Government) (2026). Protect yourself from romance fraud.
3. Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Relationship scams.
4. Get Cyber Safe (Government of Canada) (2023). Spot the signs of a catfish on dating platforms.
5. Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre (2026). Relationship and romance.
6. Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Investment scams.
7. Get Cyber Safe (Government of Canada) (2021). Online dating cyber security: Three ways to stay protected.
8. Federal Trade Commission (2023). Avoiding and Reporting Gift Card Scams.
9. Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Money recovery scams.