DateableWhat to check before you give a match your number
Your number can lead to your name, address and social media. Check your messaging profile and privacy settings before you share it.
Before you give a match your number, check what it shows them: your messaging profile photo and name, your last-seen and status, and any social accounts linked to it. Set those to contacts only, decide whether to share a second number, and send it once a date is set.
A phone number can lead to your name and address
A number is the first real identifier you hand over. Saved in a phone, it shows your messaging profile. Typed into a search bar or a social app, it can turn up accounts that carry your full name, and a full name leads to a workplace, a suburb and, in time, an address.
Police advice is to keep your surname, home address and workplace to yourself until you trust the person. 1 Your number can give away all three, so treat it the same way.
Check what your messaging profile shows
Once someone saves your number, their messaging app shows them your profile there: often your photo, your name, your last-seen time and your status. That profile was set up for friends and family, not for a match.
Before you share your number, go to your messaging app settings and check what a stranger can see. Most apps let you restrict your profile to contacts only. Do that. Set your last-seen to contacts only as well.
- Check your messaging app settings now, before you need to give your number
- Set your profile photo and name to contacts only
- Set your last-seen and status to contacts only
- Check whether your profile links to your social accounts and turn off what you can
Check whether your number is linked to social accounts
Some matches go straight from your number to social media. Several apps let people find accounts by phone number, so if yours is linked, one search can take them from a text thread to your Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn.
Check your phone number settings in each account. On most platforms, you can make your account private, and you can also choose whether your profile appears in search results by phone number. The more you lock down, the harder it is for a stranger to find you.
This also protects you from scammers, who build trust online before they ask for money. 2 The less of your life they can see, the less they have to work with.
Use a second number if you can
If you are dating from your work phone or your main device, consider a second number for dating conversations. A second number is a simple way to keep dating private from your work and personal life. It also gives you a clean break if you need it: you can delete the number, change it or just stop using it without losing access to your main accounts.
You do not have to tell the other person it is a second number. You also do not have to keep it. The point is to separate your dating from the rest of your life until you are sure about someone.
I use a second number for dating. When we meet in person and I know more about you, I give you my main number.
Share it once you have set a date
There is no rule about when to move off the app. Do not feel rushed: messages on Dateable work fine until you have a plan, and a person worth meeting will keep using them for as long as you need.
The ideal time to share your number is once you have agreed on a date: a place, a day, and a time. By then the two of you are moving towards meeting, and you have a clear endpoint if you need one. Read how to report and block first, so you know what to do the moment something feels wrong.
Before you send it, run the checklist. Messaging profile set to contacts only. Social accounts checked. Clear on whether this is your second number or your main one. Only then, send it.
What to watch for after you share it
Once someone has your number, watch how they use it. Do they use it to confirm the date, or start calling at all hours? Do they ask for photos? Do they mention something personal you never told them?
A person who respects you follows your pace. Pressure to move to private messaging such as WhatsApp, and requests for intimate photos, are warning signs of a relationship scam. 2 If you see either, stop replying and report the profile.
Shared once, not forever
Giving someone your number is not a commitment. You can block their number on your phone at any time. If you used a second number, you can stop using it altogether. If the date does not go well, or the conversation turns in a way you do not like, block them on your phone and on Dateable.
Sources
- New Zealand Police (2026). Safety advice.
- Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Relationship scams.
