DateableHow to choose a safe way to give or receive an allowance
Once you have met and trust each other, use a bank transfer or pay a bill directly. Share only what the payment needs, and keep a record.
Once you have met and trust each other, use an ordinary bank transfer or pay a bill directly. Share only the details a payment needs, and keep a record of each one.
When to set up payment
Nothing is set up before you meet. Talk, meet in person, and let trust build. Only then discuss how money moves between you.
WA ScamNet lists requests for banking details, a home address or a phone number, and offers to pay off debts, among the red flags of sugar baby scams. 1 If someone wants to set up payment before you have met, say no:
I don't share bank details with anyone I haven't met. Let's meet first and talk about it then.
Ordinary banking: what you need, what you do not
A bank transfer needs the account name and the account details of the person receiving it. Nothing else.
- You need: the account name, plus the BSB and account number in Australia (sort code, routing number or IBAN elsewhere).
- You do not need: your pin, password or login details; codes from an SMS or authentication app; your card itself; answers to security questions; to download an app outside your bank's official app.
If someone asks for any of those, stop. A real person who wants to pay you, or be paid by you, never needs them.
Two ways to pay safely
Direct bank transfer. You log into your own account, choose to send money, enter the account details they have given you, and the money moves. You stay in control the whole time. No codes, no verification apps, no apps outside your bank.
Pay a bill directly. Some arrangements suit paying for something instead. You buy the plane ticket, book the hotel, or pay a course fee straight to the business. The person you support sees the benefit, and neither of you shares more than the booking needs.
Both leave a record in your own bank statement.
Agree the details once, in writing
Vague terms turn into arguments later. Before the first payment, agree four things in a message you can both scroll back to: the amount, the day it arrives, the method, and what happens if either of you wants to pause or stop. A short message is enough:
Just so we're both clear: bank transfer on the 1st, same amount each month, and either of us can pause it with a week's notice. Does that work for you?
If you are receiving, check the first transfer has cleared in your own banking app before you rely on it. Never accept a payment you are asked to send part of back.
What not to use
Gift cards are not a way to pay an allowance. One version of the sugar baby scam works like this: the scammer deposits a large sum, says it was a mistake, and asks you to return it by buying gift cards and sending the codes. The deposit came from fraudulent accounts, so it disappears, and you are left in debt. 1
If someone asks you to buy a gift card to receive money or set up an allowance, stop replying. Gift cards are a tool scammers use. A person who wants to give you money does not ask for a gift card.
A second version asks for a small payment first, as "proof of loyalty" or a fee, before the promised money arrives. It never arrives. 1 Money to you never needs money from you first.
Keeping a record
Every time money arrives, save the record. Take a screenshot of the transfer, the timestamp and the amount. Note the date in a spreadsheet or a simple list. If you pay bills directly, save the receipts.
Reasons to keep records:
- If a dispute arises, you have proof of what was paid and when.
- You can track money and plan if the allowance changes.
- If something goes wrong and you need to stop, your records are evidence.
If a transfer goes wrong
If money arrives and then disappears from your account, or you are asked to return money urgently, contact your bank straight away. It may not recover the money, but it can block access to compromised accounts. 1
If you think it was a scam, read how to spot a scam and report the profile. If you paid with gift cards, contact the gift card company straight away and keep the card and the receipt. 2
Protecting your privacy while you pay
Paying safely does not mean handing over everything. You can keep parts of your life private while money moves between you. A transfer needs no home address and no workplace. The account name does show on both sides of a transfer, so if you want to keep your full name private for now, pay bills directly until you are ready to share it.
Sources
- WA ScamNet (Government of Western Australia, Consumer Protection) (2026). Sugar baby scam.
- Federal Trade Commission (2023). Avoiding and Reporting Gift Card Scams.
