DateableShould you date online again after a romance scam?
Yes, when you feel ready. One rule stops most scams from working: never send money to someone you have not met in person.
Yes, when you feel ready, with one rule you never break: no money to anyone you have not met in person 1. Some people are scammed more than once 2, so write the rule down now, while you remember why it matters.
Why some people get scammed twice
Getting scammed is not a failure of intelligence. Scammers groom their targets before they ask for anything, then move through stages that keep people in the scam. Researchers who interviewed victims describe a "near-win" effect: the payoff always seems one step away, which helps explain why some people are scammed again 2.
The second danger is a recovery scam. Scammers target people who have already been scammed and claim they can get the money back for a fee or a percentage. They pose as government officials, lawyers, police or charities. You will not recover any money this way, and they will take more 3. Reject every recovery offer from a stranger and deal only with your own bank.
The next attempt may look nothing like the first: a different story, a different reason they cannot meet. That is why a rule works better than trying to spot the story.
Take a break if you need one
There is no rush. Victims often feel real distress, even those who lost no money 4. If you still check old messages, or the thought of dating makes your stomach turn, take more time. Talk to someone you trust. In Australia, Beyond Blue's counsellors answer 1300 22 4636, 24 hours a day, free, and you do not need a diagnosis to call 5. More on looking after yourself is in the wellbeing posts.
A test for readiness: you can read a warm message from a stranger and feel curious, not anxious or rescued. Some days you will, some days you will not. Both are normal.
The one rule you cannot break
Never send money to anyone you have not met in person. Not a small amount to "prove it is real". Not a gift card. Not cryptocurrency. Not a wire transfer for an emergency. Not a plane ticket so they can come to you. Not anything at all, no matter what story they tell or how sorry you feel for them.
Write it somewhere you will see it, and say it out loud to a friend so someone else holds you to it:
I don't send money to anyone I haven't met in person. If I ever tell you I'm about to, ask me why.
If they refuse to meet, or always have an excuse, that is your answer. Excuses about working abroad, serving in the military or travelling are the classic ones 6. It is not a puzzle to solve. Meeting in public costs a real person an afternoon; for a scammer it ends the scam, so they keep finding reasons not to.
Spot the warning signs
- They declare strong feelings quickly.
- They avoid meeting or video calls.
- They push you to move to private messaging such as WhatsApp, away from the site where you can report them.
- They ask for money or suggest a crypto investment.
- They ask for intimate photos or ID documents.
Those signs come from Scamwatch 1, which also advises a reverse image search on their photos: if the same face turns up under another name, stop.
A verified site removes most of the risk
Choose a site where you can check who you are talking to. When you join Dateable, verification is a live selfie compared to the profile photos by a reviewer. It shows the person matches their photos; it does not check identity, name, income or age documents. It cannot stop a scam on its own, but a verified profile cannot simply borrow a stranger's photos.
Report and block are one press from any profile, message or listing, and a report reaches a person. Keep the conversation on the site until you have met, and reread the guide to spot a scam before your first new date.
Go slower the second time
- Take your time, ask plenty of questions, and video chat before you meet to check they match who they say they are 7.
- Keep your address, workplace and family names to yourself until you trust them.
- Meet in a public place with other people around, and tell a friend who, when and where.
- Tell one trusted person about each new match. Scammers often push to keep a relationship secret from family and friends 8.
If it happens again
If you send money and then doubt it, contact your bank straight away and report to Scamwatch 1. Report the profile on the site and block the person.
If you shared ID documents or personal details, call IDCARE on 1800 595 160. It is a free service for people in Australia and New Zealand affected by scams and identity theft 9.
Sources
- Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Relationship scams.
- Whitty, M. T. (2013). The Scammers Persuasive Techniques Model: Development of a Stage Model to Explain the Online Dating Romance Scam.
- Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Money recovery scams.
- Buchanan, T., & Whitty, M. T. (2013). The online dating romance scam: causes and consequences of victimhood.
- Beyond Blue (2026). Talk to a counsellor.
- Federal Trade Commission (2022). What To Know About Romance Scams.
- Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
- Stop! Think Fraud (UK Government) (2026). Protect yourself from romance fraud.
- IDCARE (2026). IDCARE.
