DateableWhat to say to a friend you think is being scammed
Ask questions instead of arguing. Use scripts to open the talk, handle defensiveness, and offer practical help like a reverse image search.
If you think your friend is being scammed in a romance, ask questions instead of telling them they are wrong. Asking questions keeps them talking to you; arguing pushes them to defend the person they are falling for, and shame makes people dig in deeper.
Why friends stop listening
Scammers build trust through romance, then ask for money sometimes after a long time 1. While they are building that trust, your friend falls harder. By the time you see the red flags, your friend may already have doubts and be pushing them down. If you argue, you become one more person telling them they are wrong, and the scammer becomes the only one who seems to believe in them.
Researchers found romance scam victims suffered significant distress, even those who lost no money 2. Shame keeps people quiet. If your friend thinks you have already judged them as gullible, they will not call you when things fall apart.
How to start the talk
Choose a moment when your friend is calm and you are alone. Lead with a question that comes from actual curiosity, not suspicion. Your job is to ask, not to convince.
You seem really into this person. Have you two video called? Have they ever asked for money?
If the answer is no to either, ask more: Where do they work? What do they look like in recent photos? How long have you been talking? Simple, factual questions. If your friend gets defensive, stay curious. Do not retreat.
When your friend pushes back
Your friend may say: "You are just jealous", "They explained all that", "You do not understand them like I do". Do not argue. Curiosity and concern are different. Stay curious.
I am not trying to convince you of anything. I just want to make sure you are safe. Can we check their photos together?
Or: "Tell me what they said about that. I want to understand their side." This keeps you on their side, not opposite it.
Spotting the warning signs yourself
Pressure to keep the relationship secret from family and friends is a warning sign, and so is someone who asks many questions but reveals little about themselves 3. Scamwatch adds strong feelings declared quickly, pressure to move to private messaging such as WhatsApp, excuses to avoid meeting or video calls, requests for money or crypto investment, and requests for intimate photos or ID documents 1.
If you spot one of these, ask about it rather than naming it. "What did they say when you suggested meeting?" gets your friend thinking. "That's a red flag" gets them defending.
Practical help works better than warnings
Skip "that person is fake". Offer to help instead. Scamwatch advises a reverse image search on their photos 1: it takes two minutes, and you can do it together on your phone.
There's a way to check whether someone's photos show up anywhere else online. Want to try it on their pictures together? If nothing comes up, that's good news.
If the photos appear on other dating profiles, fitness accounts or modelling portfolios, the person your friend is talking to is using someone else's identity. This is harder to argue with than "they seem fake".
If money has already been sent, offer to sit with your friend while they call their bank straight away, then report it to Scamwatch together 1. The guide to spot a scam lists the next steps. You do not need to say "I told you so". You just need to be there.
When the scammer pushes for speed
Time-pressured requests for money or information are a warning sign 3: a sudden emergency, a deal closing, a fee due today. Real people can wait.
Say: "This sounds big. Give yourself a week to think about it." If your friend cannot do that, something is wrong.
If your friend is also into sugar dating
Sugar dating involves money from the start, which makes it harder to tell the difference between a real arrangement and a scam. The line is simple: in a real arrangement, generosity comes after you have met, and nobody asks the other person to send money first. Sugar dating safety covers the scams aimed at sugar daters.
On Dateable, a verified badge means a reviewer compared a live selfie to the profile photos. It shows the person matches their photos. It does not prove who they are or what they intend. If someone refuses to meet or video call, or asks your friend to pay a fee to receive an allowance, that is a scam.
After you have talked
Your friend may ignore you. They may not tell you what happens next. That is okay. You have told them you care and you will help. If your friend hides the relationship from others because they fear judgement, the guide on telling people may help them talk about it.
Keep the door open with one line they can come back to:
Whatever happens, you can call me, any hour, and I won't say I told you so.
Sources
- Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Relationship scams.
- Buchanan, T., & Whitty, M. T. (2013). The online dating romance scam: causes and consequences of victimhood.
- Stop! Think Fraud (UK Government) (2026). Protect yourself from romance fraud.
