DateableWhy your employer and suburb do not belong in your profile
Sharing your workplace, suburb and family names lets strangers find and contact you before you decide to meet them.
Your employer, your suburb and your family names let a stranger find you before you choose to trust them. Safety services advise keeping these details private until you meet someone and decide the connection is real.
What details reveal you
A few identifying details sound innocent. Your suburb, the name of your workplace, the school you went to, the gym where you train: each one is a breadcrumb. A person with your suburb and your workplace can search for you on company directories, social media and maps. A person with your surname and your suburb can find your address, your social pages and people connected to you.
Someone with all three can locate your home, message your family members and show up at places where you spend your time. That is not paranoia: it is how much information you need to find someone. Online, a stranger is exactly that: someone you do not know yet. You have not had a video call with them. You have not met them. You have no way to know whether meeting them is safe.
On dating sites and apps, this matters because your goal is to choose who you meet. Sharing identifying details before you have decided to meet someone hands that choice to them instead.
How to describe your work without naming it
Your profile can talk about what you do without saying where. Instead of the company name, say your field. "I work in tech" instead of "I work at Acme Inc". "I manage a small team" instead of naming the business. "I'm in hospitality" tells someone something true about your life without a footprint they can follow.
You can be specific about what fulfills you in your work without being specific about where. "I love solving problems that help people" says more about you than a company name ever will.
- Your field or industry, not the company name
- What you do in a day, if it's interesting
- What you care about in work: building things, helping people, solving puzzles
- How much time it takes you, if you're busy
How to describe where you live
You can describe where you live without naming the suburb. Use the city or region. "I love living in Melbourne" or "I just moved to Sydney" is enough. If your suburb is well known for something, say that: "I'm in the inner west" or "I'm in the northern beaches area". This tells someone where to suggest a date without giving them your address.
If someone you are considering meeting needs to know your exact suburb to plan a date, that is a reasonable conversation to have once you have decided to meet them. By then you will have talked, video called, and made a choice about trusting them.
Check your detail fields and interests
On Dateable, check your detail fields. Some fields ask for information that is identifying. Your school, your home town, the suburb where you grew up: these are details you can leave blank or use broadly. "Grew up in regional NSW" works; "Born in Tamworth" gives someone a foothold.
The same goes for interests and hobbies. "I love the gym" is fine. "I go to CrossFit Northside at 6am on Tuesdays" is a tracker. Interests draw people who share them, but specific times and places draw people who want to find you.
When to share more
Once you have met someone in person, the rules change. You can tell them where you live, where you work and what your surname is. You can tell them about your family and your routines. But that comes after you have looked them in the eye, heard their voice, and made a decision about whether you want to see them again.
Safety services advise keeping your address, date of birth, workplace and family names private until you trust someone 1. The same applies to regular places: the restaurant you visit every Friday, the yoga studio you go to, the street you walk your dog on. Patterns can be tracked. People cannot.
This is not forever. Once you have spent time together and have decided to continue seeing each other, sharing these details moves from a safety risk to part of building intimacy. You are getting to know them, and they are getting to know your real life. The shift happens when you move from "Will I meet this person?" to "Yes, I am meeting this person."
I prefer to keep my exact suburb and workplace private until we've met. Is that OK with you?
Most people will understand. If they push back or call it paranoid, you have learned something useful about them before you meet.
What to do if you have already shared
If your profile already says where you work or which suburb you live in, edit it now. Dateable makes it easy to change your profile, and past messages do not update when you do. You can also report and block anyone who has contacted you unsafely from outside the app.
A profile that gives away less invites people to ask you more. And anyone worth meeting will wait until they know you a little before asking where you live.
Sources
- Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
