DateableHow to join a partner on their business trip
You will have free time while they work. Plan your own days, know when you are together, and keep away from their colleagues unless they ask you to join.
Joining a partner on their business trip can be a great way to see a city together and spend time away from home. The key difference from a regular holiday is that they will be working most of the time, and your days are yours to plan.
Ask for their schedule first
Before you arrive, ask your partner for their work schedule. Which hours are they in meetings or at the office? Are there breakfasts or dinners with colleagues? What days are they completely free?
This is not because you need permission. It is because your time alone will be easier if you know when it is coming. A day in the city is different if you know you are meeting them for lunch at one than if you thought you had the whole day.
Plan things to do alone
You will have time when they are working, and the best trip fills those hours with something you want to do. That might be sightseeing, a museum, a long lunch, a swim, or reading a book in a cafe. Bring a guidebook or bookmark places before you go. Do not spend the day waiting in the hotel room.
If you are someone who looks to your partner to plan activities, treat this trip as practice in doing it for yourself. Research restaurants, galleries, parks and walking routes. Find one place you have never been and go. You will also have more to tell them when they finish work.
Stay away from their work
Do not turn up at their office, invite yourself to work dinners or join breakfast with colleagues. Do not message them during the day asking what time they are free, unless something is wrong. They are trying to work, and your presence reminds them they could be somewhere else.
One exception: if they ask you to come to a dinner or an event, go. That is different. They are choosing to have you there, and you are a guest they want with them. But if they have not invited you, the answer is no, even if you are bored.
I would love to see you at the work dinner on Thursday. Can you make it?
If they say that, say yes. If they have not said it, do not ask.
Keep your own access to everything
Carry your own key to the hotel or Airbnb. If they give you a key, keep it with you every day. Do not leave it in the room or with them. If something goes wrong or you decide to go out when they are still in a meeting, you need to be able to get back in.
Keep money in your pocket, a card in your wallet, and a phone with battery. If you are joining them on a generous arrangement, there may be an allowance or he may be paying for the trip. That does not mean you go out without your own money. A tourist needs cash for a tip, a coffee, a taxi home from somewhere he did not drive you.
At work dinners, stay private
If they have asked you to join a work dinner or event, go as a guest of your date, not as someone making conversation with his colleagues. You can talk to people, but do not give away details about yourself, your date, or the nature of your arrangement.
His colleagues are trying to work out who you are. The vagueness is not cold; it is the right answer. If someone asks how you met, you can say you met through friends, or online, or however is true. You do not owe them the whole story of your relationship or how it works. Keep the arrangement private and let his work life stay separate from this one.
- Keep conversation light and friendly.
- Ask them questions about the city or their work, which makes it easy.
- Say where you are from, what you do for work, and nothing deeper.
- Do not drink more than you normally would.
- Leave when your partner does, or shortly after.
Make the free time matter
You get to be alone in a city, which is something. Use it. Go somewhere you have never been. Eat at a place that looks good. Sit in a park. That time belongs to you, and the trip is better when you actually enjoy it instead of waiting for the day to end.
A business trip is a different shape from a regular holiday, but it is still a chance to see somewhere new and spend time together. The difference is that you are both there for a reason: they are working, and you are learning how to be a guest in that world without becoming part of it. When you do, the trip works.
If you are new to being a plus-one, this is good training. You learn how to have time to yourself, how to respect their work without losing yourself, and how to move through the world knowing what you want. As an attractive member, you set the tone for how much independence and respect you will always have.
