DateableHow to look and sound good on a first video call
Put the camera at eye level, face a light source, sit back slightly, and check what is behind you. A video call before you meet is worth doing well.
A first video call does two jobs: it checks that you both match the photos and it takes the nervousness out of a first meet. Put the camera at eye level, face a window or a lamp, sit an arm's length back, and check what is behind you before you join. Three or four minutes is enough.
Why video calls matter
Safety services advise a video chat before meeting in person 1. It does two things. First, you both get to check that the photos match. A candid shot on a video call is different from a posed one on a profile. Second, you hear the tone of voice and see the person move. Neither of those things come through in messages. You get a real sense of whether you want to meet.
A good video call also breaks the ice. You walk into a first coffee having already seen their face and heard their voice, which takes some of the edge off the nervous silence when you arrive.
Camera height and distance
Put the camera at eye level or slightly above. If you have to look down at the screen or look up at the camera, the person on the other end sees you from an unflattering angle. Position your device on a stack of books, a mug tree or the back of a chair so that the camera sits roughly level with your eyes.
Sit an arm's length away from the camera. Too close and your face fills the screen. Too far and you become hard to see. A distance of about 18 to 24 inches feels natural on both sides.
Lighting: face a light source
Face a window or a lamp so the light hits your face, not your back. If you have a window, open the curtains and sit facing it. If you are calling in the evening, turn on the lamp behind your device or to one side. Avoid sitting in front of a window with the light behind you, which turns you into a dark silhouette.
You do not need special lighting or a ring light. Natural light from a window is best. A standard desk lamp or room light works fine. Just avoid harsh shadows across your face.
What is behind you
Check what the camera sees behind you. A plain wall or a bookshelf is fine. Close the bedroom door, clear the pile of laundry off the chair behind you, and move anything too personal out of view. A plain wall actually hides your home without making you look like you are in a hotel room.
This is not about being perfect. It is about not handing the other person a story about your house or your mess on a first call. Let them get to know you before they get to know your living room.
What to wear
Wear what you would wear to a first coffee. You are not dressing up for a photo. You are dressing for a date. If you would meet them in jeans and a nice top, wear jeans and a nice top. Avoid busy patterns or very bright colours, which can look jarring on video.
Some people wear more on top and less on the bottom. That is fine on a video call. On a first meet in person, you will want to feel like yourself from head to toe.
Sound matters as much as picture
Use earphones with a microphone so you both hear each other clearly. Your phone's built-in microphone picks up every background sound. Earphones let you control the volume and mean you do not have to raise your voice. The other person hears you better. You hear them better. The call feels less like you are shouting at each other across a noisy cafe.
Test your audio before the call. Open your video app, make a practice call or record yourself for five seconds, and listen back. You will hear whether the microphone is catching background noise or whether you sound muffled.
When you join
Hi, good to see you. This is what I actually look like. How are you doing?
A first video call is not an interview. Keep it short and easy. A few minutes is enough to check that you both look like your photos and that you want to meet. If it feels good, suggest a time and place. If it does not, it is fine to say so.
A video call also gives you a sense of whether the person is who they say they are. If they look completely different from their photos, or if something feels off, cancel the first meet and trust your instinct. You do not owe anyone a coffee.
Before you meet in person
Once you have both decided to meet, plan it properly. Choose a public place with other people around, tell a trusted friend where you are going, and plan how you will get home. Keep your address, your workplace and your regular habits to yourself until you trust them, which usually takes more than one meet. Protect your privacy at the start and revisit it as you get to know them.
Plan a first date you would enjoy even if the chemistry is not there. A coffee is perfect. A long dinner puts pressure on both of you. You are not auditioning for each other. You are checking whether you like each other enough to see what comes next.
Sources
- Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
