DateableShould you still meet a match who asked you for money?
No. If someone asks you for money before you meet, stop talking to them. It is a pattern scammers follow, a sign of danger, and a request no real person makes.
No. If someone you matched with asks you for money before you meet, stop talking to them. It is a warning sign that points to a scammer, and a reason to report and block them. The answer does not change if they apologize afterwards, if they have a good reason, or if the amount is small.
The advice is clear
Get Cyber Safe advises people chatting on dating apps: if someone asks you for money, stop talking to them 1. It is that straightforward. You do not need to be rude. You do not need to give a reason. Just stop replying and delete the conversation. Your safety matters more than politeness.
This is not a grey area where the answer depends on the situation. The person who matches your profile and begins asking for money is following a pattern. Scammers build trust over time through romance or dating, then ask for money, sometimes after weeks or months of chatting and sometimes after only days 2. The timeline varies, but the pattern is always the same: chat, build connection, ask for money.
Requests for money come in many forms. They ask for cash. They ask for gift cards. They ask for cryptocurrency. They ask you to wire money. They ask you to help transfer funds into your account. Regardless of the method or the amount, the message is the same: they are trying to take money from you, and you should stop talking to them.
The apology after you say no is part of it
After you refuse to send money, many scammers will apologize. They will say they were embarrassed to ask. They will say they are normally not like this. They will claim they felt a real connection with you and made a mistake in judgment. They will offer to delete the chat and move past it. The apology sounds genuine because scammers spend time practising it. It is part of the script, like everything else.
The apology serves a purpose: it makes you feel bad for saying no. It makes you want to give them another chance. It makes you wonder whether you were too harsh. This is exactly what it is designed to do. By apologizing, they are not accepting responsibility. They are trying to get you back into the conversation so they can ask again, this time differently, or in a way that makes you feel obligated to help.
I appreciate the thought, but I do not send money to people I have not met in person. I am going to stop messaging now. Good luck to you.
An apology that comes after a request for money is not a reason to keep talking. It is actually more reason to trust your own judgement: they asked for money, you said no, and that is the end of the story. You have already made the right decision. Stick with it.
If they were real, they would wait
Suppose someone genuine matched with you and had a real emergency: a sick family member, a lost wallet, a medical bill they could not cover. A real person, a person with integrity, would not ask a stranger they have never met for money. They would not put that burden on you. They would ask a friend, a family member, someone who knows them and has chosen to support them. They would ask their bank, their employer, or a social service. They would wait.
After you met and got to know each other over time, and after the two of you had built something real and mutually generous, the dynamic might change. Then, a real person might ask for help in a genuine crisis. They might even offer to help you if you needed it. But before you have ever sat across from each other? Before you have heard each other's voice on a video call? Someone who asks for money at that stage has shown you who they are.
Meeting them is a safety risk
Someone who has already tried to take money from you has told you what they want. Their goal is not to get to know you or build something with you. It is to extract money. Meeting them does not change that goal. It does not make them more trustworthy or give you any new information. It puts you in a position where they can try again in person, or put pressure on you face to face.
When you meet someone you have met online, choose a public place with people around and tell a friend where you are going. These precautions help you stay safe. But the best safety measure is not meeting someone who has already shown they are willing to deceive you. Do not put yourself in that position in the first place. There is no outcome of meeting them that benefits you.
After they have asked for money and you have refused, meeting them is pointless. They will not suddenly have changed their mind about trying to get money from you. You will not have changed your mind either. The conversation is finished. There is nothing to gain from meeting, and there is risk in putting yourself in their presence.
What to do instead
- Stop replying to their messages immediately.
- Delete the conversation so you are not tempted to re-read it or think about them.
- Block their profile from your account. They cannot see you and you cannot see them.
- Report their profile to Dateable. A report reaches a person, and your information helps other members stay safe from the same scammer.
- Do not second-guess yourself or give them another chance to convince you. Once they ask for money, the conversation is over.
Reporting is important. Each report is reviewed, and patterns of scamming are investigated. Your report might be the one that gets a scammer removed from the platform, protecting dozens of other people from the same approach.
If you have already sent money, contact your bank straight away and report the transaction. Then report the profile, and reach out to support services. IDCARE, available at 1800 595 160 in Australia and New Zealand, helps people who have been scammed and provides support for identity recovery 2.
How to spot it before they ask
Learning to spot a scam early helps you avoid reaching the point where someone asks for money. Scammers show patterns. They move the conversation quickly off the dating app to WhatsApp, email or private messaging. They declare strong feelings and use words like love before you have met. They find reasons not to video call or meet in person. They tell urgent stories about needing help or having a crisis. They ask you lots of questions but reveal little about themselves.
If someone is moving fast on several of these fronts, they are more likely to ask for money later. Trust people who are slow. Trust people who ask questions and actually listen to your answers. Trust people who suggest a real date with a real plan, a time and a place. Trust yourself when something feels rushed or too good to be true, because it probably is. When you have doubts, the answer is always to stop talking and move on.
Sources
- Get Cyber Safe (Government of Canada) (2021). Online dating cyber security: Three ways to stay protected.
- Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Relationship scams.
