DateableWhat counts as sexual harassment on a dating app
Unwanted sexual comments, explicit photos you did not ask for, and messages that keep coming after you said no are all harassment. You can report each one.
Unwanted sexual comments, explicit photos you did not ask for, and messages that keep coming after you said no are all harassment. You can report every one of them.
What researchers call it
Dating app facilitated sexual violence includes unwanted sexual comments, unsolicited sexual photos and harassment 1. This is not a tiny problem. Of 277 US college students who used dating apps, 88.4% reported at least one instance. That is almost nine out of every ten people. Those who experienced it more often reported more depression and anxiety symptoms and lower self-esteem 1.
The point of dating apps is to meet people you want to meet, on your terms, at your pace. When someone sends you sexual content you did not ask for, or keeps contacting you after you have said no, they are taking that choice away from you. That is why it counts as harassment and why you can report it.
The three kinds most people face
Pew surveyed US dating app users about their experiences. Among women aged 18 to 34:
- 60% had someone keep contacting them after they said they were not interested
- 57% received unwanted explicit images or messages they did not ask for
Women and sexual minority students experience this more often than others 1. That does not mean it is normal or that you have to accept it.
Unwanted sexual comments
A comment about your appearance is not the same as a comment about your body in a sexual way. Harassment is when someone sends you sexual remarks you did not ask for. It can be a single message, or it can be part of a pattern.
Sexual comments include: remarks about your body, suggestions about what you should do sexually, questions about your sex life, and descriptions of what they would like to do to you. If a message is sexual and you did not ask for it, it is harassment.
A sexual comment is not a compliment you owe them a thanks for. You did not sign up to receive it. You do not have to engage with it or reply.
Unsolicited explicit images
An explicit photo or video sent without your asking is not a gift. It is harassment. You do not have to accept it, look at it again, or respond. You can delete it and block them immediately.
This includes a photo of their body, a video of any kind, or a link to explicit content. Sending these things to someone without asking is treating the app as a place to expose yourself, not a place to meet. It is testing to see whether you will accept this from them. You do not have to.
I'm not interested in receiving images like that. Please don't send any more.
You do not owe them a longer explanation. "No" is enough. If they send another, that is escalation, and it is time to report and block.
When they do not take no for an answer
Some people keep messaging after you have told them you are not interested. They message again the next day. They send a different line. They ask why you do not like them. They apologise and try again. After you have said no, you do not need to answer any of these messages.
Continuing to message after you have said no is harassment. The first no was your answer. A second message is pressure. It shows they do not respect your choice, and it is a warning sign of someone who will push further for what they want without caring about what you want.
Do not feel bad about blocking someone who will not stop. You do not owe them a conversation about why you blocked them, or a chance to apologise and try a different approach. Your boundary is the only explanation needed.
Why it matters that you report it
People report online sexual harassment from someone met on a dating app to police more often than they report in-person sexual violence: 14.7% compared with 8.3% 2. That shows two things. First, that it happens often enough to reach police. Second, that people take it seriously and believe it is worth reporting. They understand that what happens online is real and has real effects.
When you report harassment on Dateable, you are not starting an investigation or creating a formal complaint that will lead somewhere long. You are creating a record. Dateable reviews every report. A pattern of harassment leads to action. Your report helps protect the next person from the same person.
How to report and block
Report and block are one press from any profile, message or listing. A report reaches a person. You do not have to message them first, explain yourself, or give them a second chance.
Report and block, or learn how to report. If you are working through boundaries and what you will and will not accept, read about setting boundaries.
Sources
- Echevarria, S. G., Peterson, R. S., & Woerner, J. I. (2022). College Students' Experiences of Dating App Facilitated Sexual Violence and Associations with Mental Health Symptoms and Well-Being.
- Lawler, S. M., & Boxall, H. (Australian Institute of Criminology) (2023). Reporting of dating app facilitated sexual violence to the police: Victim-survivor experiences and outcomes.
