DateableHow to stay safe as a male sugar baby
The same safety rules apply to male sugar babies: public first dates, your own transport, a friend who knows where you are, and no intimate photos.
Safety is not a female issue. Whether you are a man or a woman seeking an arrangement, the same rules apply: meet in public, keep your own transport, tell someone who you are seeing, and never send intimate photos. You are just as vulnerable as anyone else meeting a stranger.
Why male sugar babies face the same risks
You may think you can handle yourself. That confidence is not the problem. The problem is that a scammer or someone with bad intentions does not arrive as a threat they announce. They arrive as a match who seems perfect, moved to private messages, declares instant chemistry, and when the hook is set they either ask for money or ask for something worse.
The people most likely to fall for this are young, hopeful and looking for what feels like their own choice. The Federal Trade Commission found that people aged 18 to 29 reported threats to share explicit photos at six times the rate of older adults 1. Do not skip the safety plan because you think the statistics apply to someone else.
Meet in public, on a first date and every time
Pick a place where other people are around: a bar, a cafe, a restaurant, a park on a weekend morning. Somewhere you can leave if it does not feel right. [Meet in a public place with other people around; if they change the place at the last minute to somewhere you do not know, cancel.] 2
If your date suggests meeting at their place, say no. If they pressure you, that is a warning sign. A real date is someone willing to plan something public. A scammer is someone trying to isolate you.
I would like to meet somewhere public first, like a cafe or a bar. Can you suggest somewhere you know?
Say it plainly. If they push back, end contact. The person you want to meet will understand.
Bring your own transport and take it with you
Drive yourself, take the bus, call a taxi on your own phone. Do not let your date pick you up. Do not let them drive you anywhere. Do not accept a ride home. You leave when you choose to leave, not when they decide the date is over.
This is not about not trusting them. It is about not being dependent. A person who respects you will not mind driving separately or meeting somewhere central. A person who insists on picking you up is controlling the terms.
Tell a trusted person who, when and where
Before you leave, send a message to a friend or family member that says:
- The name and profile photo of the person you are meeting (or a description if you do not have both)
- The place you are meeting
- What time you expect to be home
- A message saying you will text when you get home, and when you are leaving the date
Do exactly that. Call or text when you are leaving. Call or text when you arrive home. This takes one minute. It tells someone you trust where a stranger thinks you are. If something goes wrong, it also gives police somewhere to start.
Ask your friend to check in if they do not hear from you by a certain time. Make it real, not a vague agreement.
Never send intimate photos or video
Not early on, not after a good date, not because they ask repeatedly, not because they send you one first. Once an intimate image leaves your phone, it is gone. You cannot delete it. You cannot control where it goes.
The risk is not just a possessive ex. It is a criminal using a photo to extort you. Sextortion scammers work through dating sites. Some claim to have images they do not have, others collect images from real people and use them for threats. [They threaten to send the images to your family and friends unless you pay, and keep demanding more.] 3
A request for intimate photos before you meet in person is usually a scam. A request after you know someone is a test. Refuse it. If they leave over a refusal, they were not real.
What to do if someone threatens you
If someone you are messaging threatens to share a photo or video, or pretends to have one:
- Stop replying immediately. Do not negotiate, do not pay, do not threaten back.
- Block the person on the dating app and on every platform where they can reach you.
- Save the screenshots of every message. Do not delete them.
- Report the profile to Dateable. Use the report button on their profile.
- If they sent you photos claiming to be proof, do not forward them or show them to friends. Treat them as evidence.
Do not pay. Scammers will ask for more money after you pay once. They will keep the threats going. Do not send more photos or information to prove yourself. Do not try to explain.
Tell someone you trust. Shame is what keeps scammers in business. The moment you tell a real person what happened, the scammer loses power. If the threat includes saying they will tell your family or friends, tell them first. That removes the threat entirely.
If someone is threatening sextortion or blackmail, report it to police. You can also read about what to do if someone threatens to share intimate images of you on our scams page.
Your safety plan is about choice
A real date means you get to choose when to leave, where to go and what happens next. Public meetings, your own transport, a friend who knows, and no intimate material mean you stay in control. You are also signalling to a scammer that you are harder to isolate and manipulate. Real attractive members will respect all of it. Scammers will disappear.
For more on preparing for dates, see our first date safety guide. And if you are new to sugar dating, read our guide for male sugar babies.
Sources
- Fletcher, E. (Federal Trade Commission) (2023). Romance scammers' favorite lies exposed.
- Sexual Assault Resource Centre, North Metropolitan Health Service (Government of Western Australia) (2021). Safe online dating.
- Scamwatch (ACCC) (2026). Threat scams.
