DateableWhat to say when a match asks for your bank details
You share payment details only with someone you have met and trust. See what they say when you tell them that.
If a match asks for your bank details before you have met, say you share payment details only with someone you have met and trust, then watch what they do. A real partner understands. A scammer pushes back.
Why they ask
Scammers ask for banking details, home address and phone number to steal from you. They work quickly, building trust through messages before asking for access to your accounts. The pattern is predictable 1.
In one version, they pose as a prospective partner, offer to pay your bills or debts, then ask for a small payment first as proof of loyalty or to cover fees. They say they need to know you are serious, or that this is how sugar relationships work. Once they have your payment, they disappear. You are out the money and left wondering what went wrong.
Some take a different route: they deposit a large sum into your account, claim it was a mistake or meant for someone else, then ask you to send the money back by buying gift cards (Apple iTunes, Google Play or Steam) and sending them the codes. The deposit came from a fraudulent account, so it disappears when the bank catches up. You are left in debt for money that was never really yours.
Either way, the ask comes with flattery and a sense of urgency. They want you to feel special and to act fast, before your common sense catches up. They say things like, 'I want to help you', 'I trust you', or 'This is how we prove it works'. Do not fall for it.
What to say on a first ask
Keep your reply simple and clear. You are stating a boundary, not explaining or apologising for it:
I share my banking details only with someone I have met in person and trust. If we do meet and things go well between us, we can revisit this.
This works because it is honest, it is kind, and it does not accuse them of anything. You are just being sensible. Most people understand sensible. A real partner will respect it. They might even be relieved, because anyone asking for bank details from a stranger is acting like a scammer, and the person on the other end does not want to look like one.
Do not over-explain. Do not say, 'I have been hurt before', or 'You understand, right?', or 'Maybe later when I know you better'. All of those open the door to more negotiation. Your boundary is not negotiable.
If they push back
A scammer will not accept this. They will invent reasons why they need it now. They might claim they need to prove they have money to you, or that this is how sugar relationships work, or that you do not trust them. None of that is true. A real partner does not push you to hand over the keys to your account.
If they push, they are testing you. It is time to be firm:
I understand this matters to you, but my answer is no. I share financial details only after we have met and I know who you are.
Do not soften this. Do not say maybe later. They will take that as a maybe now and keep asking in different ways. A no is a complete sentence.
What this tells you
Watch what they do after you say no. A real partner might feel a bit hurt that you do not trust them yet, but they will understand and wait. They will keep the conversation going and suggest meeting in person instead. Scammers do one of three things: they vanish, they get angry, or they try a different approach such as asking for gift cards or cryptocurrency.
If any of those happen, you now know what you are dealing with. This is not a person looking for a genuine connection. This is someone trying to take from you.
Protecting yourself
Keep your banking details, home address and phone number private until you have met someone in person multiple times and decided they are trustworthy. Even then, a partner does not need your bank login or card details unless you decide together to merge finances, which is a different conversation that happens well into a relationship.
On Dateable, you can protect your privacy by using private photos and keeping identifying information out of your profile and messages. Meet in public for first dates. If a match is pushy about any of this, that is a warning sign.
When to report
If someone asks for banking details and then pushes when you refuse, report and block. It takes two taps. If they already scammed you or are trying to, tell your bank straight away: it may not recover the money but can block access to compromised accounts. If you want to spot other scams before they start, the signs are similar: pressure to move off the dating platform, declarations of love before you have met, and requests for money in any form.
Sources
- WA ScamNet (Government of Western Australia, Consumer Protection) (2026). Sugar baby scam.
