DateableHow to fill in "looking for" on a Board listing
Describe who you want to spend time with, what you will do together, and how you want them to behave. Say what matters to you, not what you do not want.
The "looking for" section of your Board invitation tells the other person what kind of company you want for this occasion. Write about interests, how they should show up, what you will do together, and what would make it work for you both. This is where you describe the person, not their body.
Why most "looking for" sections do not work
Most "looking for" sections are either too vague or too restrictive. "Fun and easy-going" tells the person nothing except that you want them to be relaxed. "Must be under 28, fit, blonde and taller than 5'10" tells them you are shopping for a body rather than meeting a person, and narrows the field to almost no one.
The other person reading your listing is asking: Do I actually fit what this person needs? Can we have a real conversation? Will they enjoy my company, and will I enjoy theirs? Your "looking for" section only works if it helps them answer yes.
The three things to describe
- Who you want to talk to. Mention interests, a way of moving through the world, or a kind of humour that matters to you. Someone who reads widely, or thinks about ethics, or makes you laugh. Someone who is curious, honest, or good at listening. Avoid blanks and clichés: replace "must have ambition" with "I want to meet someone running a business" or "someone who is still learning something hard".
- What you will do together. Name the occasion, the place, or the kind of experience. Dinner and a walk. An afternoon at a gallery and wine afterwards. A weekend trip to a beach town. Someone who wants to spend five hours talking over dinner, or someone who wants a shorter meet to see if you click before committing more time.
- How you want them to carry it. This is the part most people forget. Are you looking for someone relaxed and low-pressure? Someone ambitious and eager to impress? Someone reflective? Someone playful? Someone who is OK being out of their depth and trying something new? This tells them how to show up.
You have up to 500 characters. That is roughly the length of this paragraph. Use them to say what matters.
What that sounds like
Here is what a real "looking for" section might say:
I want to meet someone curious about ideas, someone I can talk to for hours. We will have dinner at [restaurant], then a walk through the city. I like people who are thoughtful and honest, and who can laugh at themselves. Bring your real opinions and a willingness to try something a bit outside the usual.
That is 250 characters. It describes the kind of conversation you want, the occasion, the atmosphere you will create together, and the mindset you need them to bring. The person reading it knows whether they are the person.
What not to write
- Nothing about their age, body, race, religion, or how they look. These are not the things that will make the meet work.
- Exclusions for the sake of exclusions. "No smokers" is useful. "No overweight people" is not describing what you want; it is describing who you want to remove. Focus on what you need instead.
- Phrases like "young at heart" or "doesn't look their age". They trade on the idea that youth is better. It reads as shallow, and it is.
- Unrealistic demands. "Must be fluent in Mandarin, a competitive cyclist, and a venture capitalist." You are looking for someone to spend time with, not a custom order.
- Negativity about yourself or what you are offering. Don't apologise for the occasion, the place, or the amount of time. If you need to apologise, fix the listing instead.
How to think about what you want
Start by finishing this sentence: "I want to meet someone I can...". Sit with it for a day. Walk through the occasion in your head. What would make it feel natural and good? What kind of person brings that out in you?
Then think about constraints that actually matter. Do you need someone with enough time to spend a full weekend? Do you need someone who is comfortable keeping this discreet? Do you need someone who is OK with the generosity being what it is and moving on after this occasion? Those are real limits, and they belong in your listing.
Availability and commitment
Be clear about what you are offering and how long it lasts. "I am looking for someone for an afternoon this Saturday" is different from "someone for an ongoing arrangement." The person needs to know what they are saying yes to.
If this is ongoing, say that. If you want to see whether it works for one occasion before either of you commits to more, say that too. Someone who is available for a one-time dinner is often not available for a monthly arrangement, and that is fine. The mismatch matters.
Make it count for both of you
The strongest "looking for" sections are the ones where the person reading it can tell that you are thinking about their experience too, not just your own. You want them to enjoy the dinner. You want them to feel safe. You want the time to be good for them as well as for you.
That does not mean bending yourself into a shape that does not fit. It means being honest about what you can offer, and clear about the community rules you both follow. When a member posts an invitation on the Board, they are saying: here is what I want, and I think you might want it too. That honesty is what makes it work.
To get started, read how to post an invitation. You have the tools. Be specific, be kind, and the people you want to meet are the ones most likely to reach out.
